Racism was defeated in this man’s heart through the actions of one amazing woman.
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Racism in the south has been passed down for generations. As Black History Month began, I wondered why, as a white, southern male, I have been able to avoid the generational curse of racism. The answer for me was simple; it was Pearl.
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The ripple effect that Pearl had on my grandparents, my father, me, and now my children has turned into waves.
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Pearl Smith (Pearl as we affectionately called her) was born in 1929 and lived in Florala, Alabama. In 1946, after World War II, my grandparents returned to Florala to raise their family. At the age of seventeen, Pearl went to work for my grandparents as a nanny and housekeeper. My father was three at the time and my uncle soon followed.
Pearl was a second mother to my father and uncle. She fed them, she disciplined them, and she taught them about life. My father loved Pearl as much as he loved his mother, and that relationship shaped the man he became. Pearl also cared for me when I visited my grandmother during the summer months as a boy. Those summer visits created a bond with Pearl that shaped me as well.
The ripple effect that Pearl had on my grandparents, my father, me, and now my children has turned into waves. Generational curses have now become generational blessings. The following are four reasons Pearl Smith is my personal Black History Month hero.
She taught me history
After I graduated from college, I often drove the twenty miles from my home to Florala to see my grandmother. If Pearl was not there, my grandmother would insist I stop by Pearl’s house to see her before I went home.
During these visits we sat in her living room and talked about life. I was always curious about history and she was my personal time capsule: she could tell a story in a way that made me feel like I was there.
There was a photo on the wall in her living room of a group of people with an older woman. I asked her one day about the photo. The older woman in the photo was her great grandmother. She was a slave that lived to be well over 100 years old. She shared with me the stories her great grandmother shared with her about slavery. She told me the details that were hard to hear like beatings by her master. She also shared with me the stories of victory like gaining her freedom.
We discussed the civil rights movement, and what it was like to be an African-American woman in Alabama during the 1960’s. Through her firsthand stories, I learned about the civil rights movement in a way that books could not teach me.
She modeled friendship
Although she “worked” for my grandmother for 50 plus years, there was no doubt that Pearl was my grandmother’s best friend. As they both got older, the daily duties around the house gave way to the two of them talking for hours in my grandmother’s living room. As a young boy, I noticed this friendship and how deep their bond had become.
This led me to have some of the deepest relationships in my life with African-American friends. I never saw color with them. I just saw their hearts. This was not the norm where I grew up, but for me, it was what I knew, and my life has been vastly better because of it.
She molded my father
We may not have the same skin color, but we share a deep bond.
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Pearl taught my father from a young age that love was colorblind. She taught my father that we are all the same on the inside. She taught him to evaluate people by their character rather than their skin color.
These are the same lessons my father taught me and that I teach my children. Because of Pearl, I was raised by a father who grew up in the south, but harbored no prejudice. Her molding of my father has given me freedom others have not been blessed to have and, for that, I am eternally grateful.
She showed me that family isn’t just by blood
Pearl treated my father like a son. She guided him as a mother until the day she died. My father loved her and she loved him. I remember walking into the church at Pearl’s funeral and one of the funeral directors asking my dad the relationship. My dad proudly said, “I am her son.” She taught me that family is not restricted by blood or color.
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I’ve been blessed to have a group of young men that I mentor. We may not have the same skin color, but we share a deep bond. Although these young men are not related to me, I love them like sons. Pearl instilled in me a desire to broaden my family, and it is a tradition I proudly continue.
The bondage of racism is only broken by personal relationships. If you have overcome the generational curse of racism, odds are you can track it back to one personal relationship that changed things for you.
In the comments section below, honor that person who freed you or your family from the bondage of racism by sharing your story.
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Photo: Flickr/ aloshbennett
How I remember pearl ..I loved her to .My cousin Jim Burgess was one of my favorite cousins and i loved to visit my aunt Laine…And always a joy .Pearl was the one one who called me to let me know about Laines passing no one else called me and I was heartbroken . When pear left this world for heaven I was not told then either..And I will probably not be told when your daddy passes..I am 66 now but I remember every lesson pearl taught me. She was and will always be the most beautiful soul..I learned not… Read more »
Jimmy, thank you for your very touching recollection of special relationships. Especially very well said is this: The bondage of racism is broken by personal relationships. I am a black female. I was never at risk of being racist since systemic racism requires prejudice plus social power and privilege. I grew up too humble to have ever developed a superiority complex based on race (or gender for that matter), and I am naturally an empathic person, so I think and feel at deep levels. I went through phases of anger as I studied more about racism in this country. I… Read more »
Well said. Thanks for sharing.
What a beautiful tribute to a special lady. Thanks for sharing Jimmy.
Thank you Erin.