Tor Constantino tries to be ‘dadmirable’ with sandwiches, balancing disappointment and teachable moments for his kids.
___
Our oldest daughter is now 12 years old, which seems hard to believe, and she is in the eighth grade.
But she’ll periodically get jammed up with her other responsibilities … which jams up her ability to accomplish her other early morning tasks.
|
Her school bus arrives at 7:30 a.m. each day—much earlier than the elementary kids’ bus she used to ride at 8:50 a.m.
She’s a very conscientious, type-A kind of kid—the poster child for all first-born stereotypes.
So every morning she and I are up around the same time to start our routines for our respective days.
Part of her routine is making her own lunch and breakfast.
But she’ll periodically get jammed up with her other responsibilities (e.g. deciding to shower in the morning rather than the night before, finishing up a homework assignment, etc…), which affects her ability to accomplish her other early morning tasks such as making lunch, which primarily consists of a Jif® peanut butter and Smuckers® jam sandwich.
♦◊♦
Little Things Lead to Big Things
Our reason for having our kids assume responsibility for these types of tasks is that if they can be trusted handling the “small things” such as making lunch choices or time management decisions, they’ll be ready to make better decisions regarding the “big things” when they’re older—leading toward their independence.
If they can be trusted handling the “small things” such as making lunch choices … they’ll be ready to make better decisions regarding the “big things”
|
However, we also want to help them and demonstrate the value of having people in life who love and assist them.
So when Taylor is under a “time crunch,” I’ll help her out and make her lunch and breakfast on those time-compressed days.
She’s had two such unusual mornings during the past two-week stretch.
♦◊♦
The Crusty Question
Here’s the issue—both times while I’ve been making her sandwiches for school I’ve had to ask myself whether or not I should cut off the crust on the bread.
Neither of our daughters like the crust of store-bought bread, which is odd since they both love toast, and I’ve often made the argument to them that toast is an entire piece of crust (but that’s a separate article all its own).
Regardless, we’ve always cut the crust off their sandwiches to help entice them to eat since they were a little picky as toddlers.
Until recently, that is.
While making lunches the other day, I questioned whether I should keep doing that.
♦◊♦
A Parenting Microcosm
As parents, we believe that part of the maturation process is helping our kids understand that they can’t always get what they want at the exact time they want it.
That understanding and knowing how to deal with that reality is a necessary part of becoming a functioning, productive adult.
So, I decided to leave the crust on the sandwiches each time—not because I was too lazy, but because I thought it would create a teachable moment. And it turns out that Taylor hasn’t complained about it once, and I haven’t asked her.
As parents, we believe that part of the maturation process is helping our kids understand that they can’t always get what they want at the exact time they want it.
|
My wife has confirmed that Taylor is not ravenous for after-school snacks, so I can assume that our girl is indeed eating her lunch.
This is more than a silly issue about bread crust and finicky eating—it’s actually a parenting-style microcosm.
The home is where parents teach kids about all kinds of things including: conflict resolution, communication, sharing, playing, hygiene, and safety, as well as dealing with disappointment.
I know that it may seem contrived and maybe even the teensiest bit mean, but that’s not how we view it. It’s more like a social experiment in the home to help equip our kids with healthy flexibility and coping skills in a non-threatening manner.
We think it’s correct and appropriate.
I am curious as to what other parents think since we don’t have a monopoly on great parenting—but I do admit to having some mad-PB&J-making skills, crust or no crust!
♦◊♦
Question: Should parents allow kids to experience ”contrived” disappointments to inoculate them against the real, unforeseen challenges that life will provide in full measure?
This article originally ran on Tor’s blog.
—Photo Connie Ma/Flickr
Proof that you are just getting a bit crusty as you age…
Hah, I think your comment might be half baked Roy!