Confessions of a Call Girl Client

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About Andy Bodle

Andy Bodle is a journalist, scriptwriter and blogger who has written for the Guardian, the Times, the BBC, and ABC. He lives in mortal fear that his greatest achievement will remain winning Channel 4's Countdown in 1993. You can read more on his blog, Womanology, and follow him on Twitter: @_Womanology_.

Comments

  1. Excellent article Andy. It’s rare to find an article from the “john” perspective that doesn’t try to portray him as a degenerate. I believe prostitution should be legal.

    • Bay Area Guy says:

      Prostitution should not only be legal, but destigmatized as well. A lot of regular, decent guys need it, on account of being completely invisible in the dating market.

  2. I like how you managed to include that assertion as to why prostitution is not much different from what relationships are: exchange processes. Guys date girls, buy them gifts, pay for their meals and gifts, provide them financial security and safety. What do the guys get? Sexual services, loyalty, and feelings.

    I for one have had sex with prostitutes, and I kind of regret it, because I think that after having slept with 6 women in my life, I already have too much experience. So I guess you could say I gave up that “project”. That said, I don’t judge any guy (or woman) that engages in sexual relations with someone they don’t love. After all, we can’t always dominate our instincts.

    • experience says:

      I don’t get the idea of too much experience.

    • This assertion implies that sex is not something women enjoy, just a method of currency they use in order to get something else. That assertion is patently false. Most women enjoy sex. Most women seek out sex, or plan to have sex at some point in their life. Those that don’t are either asexual, have specifically chosen celibacy, or might be dealing with psychological trauma. Women do not spontaneously grow an entire sexual identity when a man bribes them with gifts and money. You do not have that kind of power over us, sorry.

      This assertion also implies that men do not want meals and gifts, financial security, and safety. This assertion is also patently false. It’s also pretty laughable that you think women on the whole somehow can’t provide their own meals, possessions, financial security, and/or safety. Hate to break it to you, but women don’t really need y’all for that except in places where the culture literally prevents women from supporting themselves.

      Your assertions, being gender essentialist, also ignore the existence of same-gender relationships where the paradigms of “what women want” and “what men want” that you present are completely inappropriate.

      Every idea wound up in the notion of Sex as Commodity is ridiculously sexist, and it’s a sad state of affairs on a personal level when you’re looking at every potential partner as a pawn broker rather than as someone who wants to have sex with you. As Dan Hemmens says here (http://ferretbrain.com/articles/article-781), it “is based on the tired old idea that all sexual relationships are about men getting sex, and women getting something else in exchange for that sex. It is rooted in the entirely tedious, extraordinarily pedestrian notion that women are all whores, and that sex is something women only do to gratify men.”

      • Very naive to not understand that sex is a commodity. In fact the only reason society even works is because women have commoditized sex. If women wanted to have sex as “freely” as men then we’d all still be living in caves having sex with each other non stop. The only reason men ever tried to use their brains, or create, or provide was to impress women and mate. That’s it. Do you really think anyone would try to invent something if it wasn’t going to get them a reward of some type? You don’t think that early woman was more impressed and more willing to mate with the man who invented the spear which allowed him to hunt more efficiently (and acquire more “goods” for survival) than she was with the man who just sat around doing nothing?

        I’d be more disturbed with the thought of my wife just wanted to have sex/mate with whoever, than to think that she doesn’t appreciate the fact that I work every day to provide for the family. If sex isn’t a commodity that women use/have then why doesn’t my wife just marry the homeless guy at the gas station?

        • “Very naive to not understand that sex is a commodity. In fact the only reason society even works is because women have commoditized sex. If women wanted to have sex as “freely” as men then we’d all still be living in caves having sex with each other non stop. The only reason men ever tried to use their brains, or create, or provide was to impress women and mate”

          hey , you are not speaking for men, its just yourself. Other men dont do everything just for the sake of sex. Do you think Einstein create relativity theory to get laid? Newton create newton
          s law to get laid? lol…

          Your statements are just so wrong. I’m a man and never think like you

  3. I echo the opinions of the commenter above. (Jimbo)
    Andy, this is a very excellent piece and so fascinating. Thanks for sharing this part of you.

  4. Funny and interesting Andy.

    Looking at Craigslists “Men for Men” sections, there is but a small portion for money exchange. The few that can are “young and hung” – as they like to advertise – otherwise, it’s direct pleasure for pleasure. And if we can accept money as a stand-in for future pleasure or comfort, then the difference reduces to timing. The other key point you make is the one of perceived and real value. Perceived because according to the theory you use to explain the dynamic but not the morality, condoms should equalize the value of the exchange. But they do not, which would imply that we’re running with defective brain programming that is easily duped. When you’re duped constantly, the morality of it is really beside the point.

  5. My blush turned to ash. This was the first time I’d been presented with incontrovertible evidence that not all escorts were escorts because they enjoyed it. At least one was doing it because she had to.

    Lots, and I mean LOTS of escorts, stripteasers and prostitutes do it because it pays way way way better than your standard minimum wage job.

    You think they’d rather work McDonald’s or Wal-Mart?

    Some might prefer and can’t, but that’s usually certain minorities who are so discriminated against they can’t even get that minimum wage job at all (like trans women in lots of countries).

    I’m sure lots of guys and lots of girls would like to have the nerves to do it (ie being able to detach enough emotionally to work it, being good-looking enough), because you can strike it rich in a few years instead of 40 years.

    100k a year vs 20k a year, you can retire way earlier with the former, and if you don’t live too much above your means, live extremely comfortably until then too.

    • wellokaythen says:

      “This was the first time I’d been presented with incontrovertible evidence that not all escorts were escorts because they enjoyed it. At least one was doing it because she had to.”

      Possibly, but this is jumping to a conclusion. Just because she’s going to use the money to pay the gas bill doesn’t mean that prostitution is her only option.

      It’s also kind of sweet how you took everything she said at face value, like sex just makes people more honest somehow. Do you think you’re first one she’s ever said any of these things to? Sex work is partly about performing a role, not just performing a service. I would be totally surprised if she had never told anyone else what she told you. Wouldn’t it be in her best interest to tell every new customer “thank God you’re goodlooking”?

  6. Hi Bay Area Gay

    Would you like your daughter,sister and wife to earn their living by prostition?

    And if you answer no,tell us why not since “men need it”.

    If you tell me yes,then explain why.
    Respectfully Iben

    • Not all men need it. Although I have no girlfriend and I cant get sex easily because I’m shy and awkward guy, I dont need a prostitute. Its not sex I want.

    • it's a job says:

      I wouldn’t want a son or daughter to be a coal miner, test pilot or stunt person. They’re all dangerous professions. All needed in some fashion and all find people willing if not eager to do the work. All those jobs have no doubt become safer over time as they’ve been regulated, had precautions implemented and so on.

      I don’t want them working in some minimum-wage job either.

      My kids are going to be fucking. I hope they play safe and have fun. They’re also going to find jobs. I hope those jobs are also safe and well-paid and satisfying. If these two areas of their lives overlap in a way that suits them… so be it.

      • Hi it’s a job

        I do not live in the US,and wonder. Is poverty so extreme and social security systems none existent ?

        Do men and women in the US today have to go into prostitution to survive economically just like like some coal miners in earlier times?

        If we couod created 100% safe environment for prostitutes,with no rapes,violence and murder.
        No human trafficking.

        Has it ever occurred to you that there is an emotion side to this activity as well both for male and female prostitutes. We all are a body. I am a body. You are a body.

        I doubt that you would support your children if they wants to go into prostition even if it could be done “safely”. It is more to it than danger from physical harm.

        • It's a job says:

          Those were all examples of professions that were dangerous then, hopefully less so now… but still dangerous. Every job takes it’s toll on a person in some form. I doubt any job is completely satisfying. I don’t get overwrought about the cubical-dweller whose job risks carpal tunnel syndrome or lower back issues.

          I wouldn’t, nor would I want my children to, want to be giving cheap anonymous oral sex in an alley to support a drug habit. But clearly, that’s not what the author was describing. I wouldn’t say the girl Eliot Spitzer was cavorting with was “surviving.” From what I read she was doing pretty well.

          I have a professional respectable job, make a good living. Certainly there are times when something comes up at work and I think, “Great, this will pay for x y or z, even though my performing that particular bit of work is not all that personally fulfilling. Sometimes, I’d honestly rather be home relaxing than doing that work and paying that particular bill. But, that is the nature of employment. It has nothing to do with dire circumstances or poverty.

          • I don’t think it’s fair to compare what escorts do to what someone sitting a desk does even if you don’t enjoy your job. I really don’t know many fathers that would truly be okay with their daughter becoming an escort (usually for older men with money) and would compare it to her sitting at a desk doing data entry or whatever. I think most fathers would rather wish their daugther had a job that did not include her being paid for sex.

            Sex is always going to change the equation. It is a deeply human and organic experiece. It is fundementally a human issue on a bigger scale then a dislike for one’s desk job. It is too remedial to compare sex to someone that simply doesn’t like their labor intensive job. The reason sex and prostition/escorts are an interesting topic is not because it’s the same thing as someone who just happens not to like their job. The reason that sex and prostition/escorts is an interesting topic because it connects how men and women interact with sex and money. And orgincally speaking, I don’t really believe sex and money belong together.

            I also don’t agree that what happens between a man and woman dating each other, is hte same thing as what goes on with an escort. A many may pay for dinner with the woman he is dating, but hopefully she isn’t just sleeping with him because he paid for dinner. And hopefully he didn’t buy her dinner just so he could sleep with her without liking any of her other qualities. Dating is not the same thing as prostitution. This insinuation suggests that all women are are prostitutes and all men are are johns.

            • Hi Erin

              You express this so well! Thank you.
              Well written Erin.

            • Thanks Iben!

            • It's a job says:

              How many fathers do you think are truly pleased with every boyfriend their daughters take to bed?

              I think it would be more accurate to state, “Sex is always going to change the equation, for me.” Because clearly other people having sex feel otherwise. Sex can be deeply human and organic, whatever that means. But I’d wager it can also be something else, because it can also be fairly simple and pleasant fun.

            • Sex changes the equation for everyone. Which is why we so often talk about this subject. That doesn’t mean you only have to be having warm loving feelings about sex. Riding on a roller coaster is also simple and pleasant fun. But the fact remains that the dynamics of sex will always change the equation then any asexual activity. That’s human nature.

    • i would support my daughter/son in anything that they wanted.

    • wellokaythen says:

      No, definitely not, I would not want my daughter to be a sex worker. I wouldn’t hire my own daughter as a sex worker, so it would have to be someone else’s daughter. Otherwise it would be gross.

      And hey, let’s not be heteronormative or sexist here. You should ask if I’d be okay with my SON being a prostitute as well.

  7. Nice article and comments but at the heart of it, this guy only seemed to value women based on their sexual currency. Other qualities seem to not matter to him and perhaps this is why he cant find anyone suitable? The prostitutes enjoyed his other qualities, but bottom line was his wallet and that is why they couldnt have a real relationship as noted. Nothing wrong with the use of prostitutes but its just a shallow exchange. You cant compare that to anything real. Its like being hooked up to fluids at a hospital compared to drinking a glass of water when your thirsty.

    • It's a job says:

      My understanding from the article was that he couldn’t find a glass of water when he needed one. And if that goes on long enough, one does end up in a hospital, hooked up and on fluids.

      But I think most men drink water because it’s cool and it’s wet and we’re thirsty. Most of the time I don’t value it for it’s many properties, some of which, granted, are amazing and spectacular.

  8. Assuming relationships is just an exchange of commodities is a really shallow view point on relationships. If that is the case, then women would easily be able to discard a person when someone with more money comes along. Just as it would be to assume that men can discard a person when someone younger and tighter comes along. The author needed a hot body and an ego stroke, he didnt need a relationship. You cant compare the two.

    • “If that is the case, then women would easily be able to discard a person when someone with more money comes along. Just as it would be to assume that men can discard a person when someone younger and tighter comes along.”

      You do realize that the two scenarios you describe happen thousands of times a day right?

  9. Thank you for writing this.

    It think those  that favor prostitution do not dare to take in the facts  about the background of men and female prostitutes.

    In addition to this lack of knowledge come the double standard. 
    They want their “needs” met,but refuse to treat the other with respect and dignity. For them it is OK that  others sacrifice them selves,as long as they can have their “needs” met. 

    They want to it to be legal,but will not marry prostitutes or have their family working as prostitutes. And I ask:” why not?”

     In my country it is legal.  But is illegal to buy sex. Our politicians made this law to protect prostitutes. It does not work.

    Trafficking goes on as before in combination with organized crime.
    Victims of sexual abuse in the childhood  sell sex, and their life’s  spirals downwards day for day.

    The myth about the happy prostitute is simply a myth.

    And this is not the worlds oldest profession.
    There is absolutely no scientific evidence of that.
    Most likely the oldest trade was craftsmen and women.
    Why on earth should a person in the stone age sell sex?

    • “In addition to this lack of knowledge come the double standard.
      They want their “needs” met,but refuse to treat the other with respect and dignity. For them it is OK that others sacrifice them selves,as long as they can have their “needs” met. ”

      you are completely right. sex workers have feelings, too & most clients never even think about that

      • Hi Dior

        Yes sex workers have feelings. Maybe that is part of the reason why some buy sex instead of making love to a plastic doll.

        I was wrong when I wrote that it does not help prostitues to have laws to make it legal.
        After I wrote it,I looked up some resent research. In Scandinan countries violence against prostitutes has FALLEN after this law. When in danger a sexworker can call the police for help.

        Tell me what you think of sex workers helping the old and seriously handicapped in institutions ?
        As far as I know this happens in Denmark. But I do not live there and can not be 100% certain this is true.

  10. For me men who buy prostitute lack is not respecting themselves. I cannot imagine have sex with a woman who found me ugly, repulsive, disgusting, and she want to have sex with me just because of money. Seriously, does it not hurt you? Even if I found my own girlfriend not enjoying sex with me, I would feel hurt. Men often don’t have sense of respect when it come to sex, not for women, but for themselves, their own body.

    • John, I would be interested in hearing more about how men don’t often have a sense of respect when it comes to sex, about themselves and their bodies. Because that’s not anything I ever really heard a guy say before and I would be interested in hearing more of your thoughts on this as well as other men’s thoughts on it.

      • I think anyone who have self respect with their body wont pay for sex. Its just you think your body/sexuality doesn’t have any value, only your money. Without money those prostitutes wont have sex with you. Why anyone want to think like that? That idea is repulsive for me. And I think many men dont have respect for their own body so they don’t care paying for sex.

  11. QuantumInc says:

    I’ve been reading “Sex at Dawn” and it’s funny because it sites the same Paraguay tribe to make the opposite point. The women name a partner, the men hunt and bring meat and present it in a dramatic gesture. The men SHARE the meat with the whole tribe, not just their partner for the night. The men even give meat to men who failed to hunt that day, just so everyone has something to give to the tribe. This meat is part of a sex ritual, but it isn’t given to the woman in exchange for sex. The sex is never adulterous because these people don’t practice marriage in any real sense. Few of the existing hunter-gatherer societies do. It is not uncommon for their word for “slept together in the same hut” to be translated as “marriage”. Most don’t really have a concept of property, so it doesn’t make sense for a man with property to be high status, or give anything in exchange for anything. He would have to share his food/money/possessions/time anyway to insure survival for everyone.

    A lot of feminists argue that this financial to sexual exchange only arose because of the way men came to dominate society and monopolize the wealth. Wombs and vaginas are by definition things men don’t have and so a whole culture arises where women must make the most of their wombs and vaginas to make sure they get money to survive. Getting the most buck for your bang means a permanent monogamous marriage.

  12. This was interesting. I honestly did not think you would repent or feel remotely guilty about what you did in the end. You do seem like a very nice person. When a man pays for sex, all he expects is sex. Companionship is not the foremost thing on his mind. Prostitutes just tend to be a body, and for you to consider their feelings was nice. While reading I felt you din’t really need the sex, men need sex is a cliche, a common belief that is true for some but not true for many. I sincerely hope you find someone to be with, because that’s what you need.

  13. It's so easy says:

    It’s so easy for some women to write off men’s need for sex. It’s just sex, just a cliche, etc.

  14. Hi it’s so easy

    Both sexes need sex,intimacy ,emotionally and physically. Women also get sexual tensions in their bodies when they do not have a sexual life. It can give deep anxiety and a lot of different symptoms.

    But read this from the British newspaper The Guardian:

    http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/2010/jan/15/why-men-use-prostitutes

  15. Seeing a sex worker isn’t the same thing as having a girlfriend or a date. It seems like the writer was deluding himself about that because he didn’t want to face what he was actually doing. I was a sex worker when I was younger for a bit, and the easiest clients to have are the ones who understand the terms of the transaction and have realistic expectations of what can happen in a booking with a sex worker. I would have been very uncomfortable with someone who brought flowers or champagne, or booked me for an extra hour in order to chat and get to know me. That would have smacked of neediness and probably overstepped some of my boundaries.

Trackbacks

  1. [...] MICHAEL: No, I don’t want to bother with it. Finding women is hard, approaching them is hard. I have a hard time reading their signals. I would rather not bother with it all. It’s easier just to call a prostitute. [...]

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