Tor Constantino points out three ways parents who talk the talk don’t always walk the walk. But relax, no one is perfect.
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One of the things I love about being a dad is taking regular walks together as a family around our neighborhood. In good times and in bad, it is our ritual.
It’s been during these walkabouts over the years that I’ve noticed three traits in our kids that my wife and I have tried to correct when they manifest.
1. Distraction
Anybody who has walked with a toddler knows that they want to stop and look at every stone, sidewalk crack, bug, and dried worm that might catch their little eye. These constant side excursions often turn what should have been a brief 15-minute walk into a protracted hour-long shuffle that only managed to go 500 feet beyond our front yard. I’m not talking about stopping to smell the flowers—that’s completely fine and encouraged. I’m referring to the times when the kids are distracted by something at every step. As parents, we strive to redirect them back to the main purpose of our walk and to keep moving forward.
2. Impatience
While my wife and I hold hands—walking at a reasonable pace—our girls tend to sprint to the corner far ahead of us where they wait until we arrive to cross the street.
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As the kids have gotten older they have come to enjoy and anticipate our regular constitutionals as a family. However, while my wife and I hold hands—walking at a reasonable pace—our girls tend to sprint to the corner far ahead of us where they wait until we arrive to cross the street. Once we arrive at the corner and cross together, the sprinting separation scenario repeats. While that type of exercise and exertion is great, we try to remind the girls that we like to stick together on our walks and enjoy each other’s company.
Additionally, when they do jet ahead of us with the speed of Olympic track star Usain Bolt we encourage them to temper their energy with caution. Foot traffic hazards such as uneven pavement, bulging tree roots, and abandoned toys from other neighborhood kids can quickly turn an unwary walk down the lane to a trip to the emergency room. It’s simply no fun to take a family walk, when one of the participants has to be carried home or limps back to the house in tears from a skinned knee or chipped tooth.
3. Apathy
This final trait is perhaps the most troubling to see manifested in youngsters and preteens. We haven’t really seen it yet in our own kids other than an occasional eye roll from our oldest when we announce the departure for our semi-nightly outings. However, we really notice this attitudinal phenomenon when we see other families walking together. The parents might be pushing a baby in a stroller with an elementary-age kiddo walking next to it while a preteen trails far behind the pack with an “I’m-totally-embarrassed-that-this-is-my-so-uncool-family” step and manner.
If you didn’t know the family, you would easily assume the straggler wasn’t even part of the clan convoy. To try to forestall this apathetic attitude in our kids, we reinforce the fact that we’re all on the walk together—we started it as a team and we’ll finish it as a team. In fact, one of our self-dubbed monikers for our family is “Team Constantino.” Go Team!
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The ironic thing about these three observed attributes is that as I write this, I’m mindful of the fact that I’m not immune to displaying the traits of distraction, impatience, and apathy as a father.
Our young ones need to see my wife and me practice what we preach so we don’t come across as hypocritical blowhards regarding both the little and big things in life.
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It’s always easier to correct bad behavior in others than it is in ourselves. But that’s one of the other things I love about having a family. They serve as an ever present, nearly-instantaneous, bi-directional feedback loop for me. For instance, when I call our kids’ attention to a particular behavior that needs adjustment—such as speaking kindly to one another or doing their chores without being asked—I had better be able to receive back the same critique myself if my own conduct dips below our communal expectations. Our young ones need to see my wife and me practice what we preach so we don’t come across as hypocritical blowhards regarding both the little and big things in life.
None of us is perfect, but I’m truly grateful and blessed to have my family on this journey of life to help us keep each other on track.
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Photo—iStock
Tor – love the points made here. I look for opportunities to do things with my kids and now my grandkids so I can see the world through their eyes. I would miss the bugs and butterflies of life if I depended on my own narrow vision. Looking forward to more of your posts here.
Dan, I’m humbled by your comments here – as you know I’m a longtime fan of your “48 Days…” series. I also like suggestion of intentional focus to re-experience the world through the eyes of children – that’s advice more of us need to follow. Thanks for sharing it!
This is so true- and it’s true for managers of businesses, as well- who complain about staff who do exactly what the manager does. But, they don’t get to provide an evaluation UP the ladder.
Great point Roy regarding the situational nature of many of these observations and behavioral modeling. That whole concept of “do as I say, not as I do” seems to be entrenched in corporations AND families across the country.
This is so, so true Tor. Thanks for this much-needed reminder.
Keith, thanks for taking time to read and comment here – I greatly value your opinion!