Welcome to Portraits of Fatherhood: We’re telling the story of today’s dads.
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There is no better place to witness the changing roles of men and women in the larger culture than through the lens of parenthood. But rather than speculate on what and how contemporary fathers do what they do, we’d like to bring you portraits of the dads themselves. In their own words. Would you like to be interviewed for this feature? See the end of the post for details.
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NAME Chris Bernholdt
AGE 40
HOMETOWN / WHERE DO YOU LIVE NOW? Chicago, IL / Now live in Philadelphia
@TWITTER @DadNCharge
ON THE WEB http://dadncharge.com
NUMBER OF CHILDREN Three
WORK: Proud stay-at-home dad
RELATIONSHIP STATUS Married for 11 blissful years
HOW DO YOU COMBINE WORK AND FAMILY? How have you, or you and your partner (if you’re partnered), arranged your life/schedule to provide the daily care for your kid(s)?
My wife and I decided early in our relationship that I would be the one staying home and I was willing to do so. I was a high school art teacher and she worked a corporate job that would always out-earn me. We found, when both of us were working, that we missed out on a lot of early things with our oldest. That’s when we decided, when my wife was offered a job in another state, that I would resign and stay at home with the kids. It’s been 7 years now and I love it.
HOW HAS PARENTING CHANGED YOU AS AN INDIVIDUAL?
Becoming a parent has taught me about sacrifice. It has reminded me how my own parents worked hard to help me get to where I am today. In a sense it has made me more thankful than if I didn’t have kids. Sure there are things that you are going to miss but the things you gain are so much better.
WHAT ARE YOUR STRENGTHS AS A PARENT AND WHAT ARE YOUR WEAKNESSES?
Patience is my main strength with creativity not far behind. Weaknesses as a parent are inconsistency and math. Man, this Singapore math is killing me!
IF PARTNERED, WHAT ARE YOUR PARTNER’S STRENGTHS AND WEAKNESSES?
My wife is amazingly ambitious. The work that she does she loves and the kids see that. I think that it is important for my kids to see just how successful she is as a woman in the workforce. My wife has no weaknesses. She’s going to read this right?
WHO ELSE PROVIDES CHILDCARE FOR YOUR CHILDREN? Do you have unpaid family or friends providing help or do you have paid nannies/babysitters/au pairs?
No, we don’t have help other than the occasional babysitter. We live in a city where we don’t have family so we miss out on that extra help we used to have. I do take advantage of the 2 free hours of childcare provided at our local YMCA while I work out though. That’s my ‘me’ time.
WHAT IS YOUR WORST PARENTING MOMENT?
I wrote about this in the Dads Behaving Dadly anthology (Dads Behaving Dadly: 67 Truths, Tears and Triumphs of Modern Fatherhood, Motivational Press, June 2014) in a story called The Canoe.
I basically was forcing memories with my son instead of letting them happen naturally.
Long story short, I took my son out in a canoe, was overpowered by the wind and tipped the canoe. Knowing it wouldn’t sink, I got him inside the canoe and righted it while I stabilized it by holding on. We were both terrified but I tried to keep calm for him even though we slowly drifted farther and farther away from the island where we were staying. After being gone too long, my wife’s friend took his speedboat out and found us, and fished us out of the lake. He sort of remembers it, though he was only three at the time, but it has taught me to be more patient when it comes to adventures with the kids and not about forcing the issue.
WHAT IS YOUR BEST PARENTING MOMENT?
Right now, I don’t see any one moment in time where my parenting has stood out. Parenting is a fluid thing that is ever-changing. As the kids grow up, I see traits that my wife and I both have emerging in them. That is what I love the most. I see the love that my kids pour back to me when they make something for me or they make me laugh. Those genuine moments where I see myself in them is what defines me as a parent.
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We’re looking for a few good dads.
IF you’d like to be interviewed for this feature, please write to Lisa Duggan at: [email protected]
Please write “Portraits of Fatherhood” in the subject line.