The journey to finding balance and embracing acceptance.
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I can name a million times that I sat as a little girl and wished that I could make church folks disappear or tell them to stop depending on my dad. Unfortunately, I wasn’t a magician and I was taught to always respect my elders. My father helped everyone with their homes, children, family issues, prayers, and transportation. It seemed as though he always had to go when they called. When he wasn’t running around for church members he was studying, reading his bible or picking out a freshly pressed robe to prepare for Sunday service.
Getting older, I began to resent him for being everyone’s dad. We got into huge arguments, resulting in us growing further and further apart. Although I wanted to rebuild the relationship, I felt that I was owed and apology. Time passed and that never happened. As to be expected, I missed interacting with my father. I was building a family and wanted him to be apart of it. So I had to let go of the expectations and resentment and move forward.
There were times that I would sit and daydream about the fun times that we laughed together, cooked together and sang songs in church.
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There were times that I would sit and daydream about the fun times that we laughed together, cooked together and sang songs in church. So I put on my big girl panties and called him to ask for his secret banana pudding recipe. I’m here to tell you, it is the absolute best banana pudding in the entire world! He was willing and eager to share it with me. I rushed to the store and purchased all of the ingredients. After finishing with the preparations, I called him one last time to be sure I had followed instructions. On that second call, it took everything in me to choke back the tears as I said, “Thanks, Dad.”
That was the moment I that I exhaled. I realized that my father wasn’t trying to hurt me. It is a huge responsibility to be a Pastor, a Leader of a church. It is difficult to balance church and family. Continuing to judge him for living his true purpose was simply unethical. If he was able to make so many families smile, then he must have been doing something right. I was just too young and a little too selfish to care.
Our adult father-daughter relationship is amazing! We laugh and joke more than ever. We get each other. Although I never got a “proper” apology, I feel that his actions are genuine. I hold nothing against my father and love and accept him for who he is, (A Man of God) who is determined to be a blessing to others any way that he can. For that I’m proud to call him my dad.
Church families have issues that aren’t really discussed. For some reason, we tend sweep things under the rug with hopes of keeping our “reputations” intact. However, this causes years of family tension and unnecessary struggles. Speaking up and speaking out, even as a child, is extremely important.
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Photo: Getty
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