Ariel Chesler just wants to be his daughter’s favorite. Is that too much to ask?
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Dear Daughter:
I see what’s going on here. You don’t want me to get you dressed. You don’t want me to brush your teeth or hair or bring you to the potty or sit next to you at dinner. And, you don’t want to cuddle with me in the morning.
Mommy is your favorite.
I realize that you are only 3-years-old, but I am asking you to stop rejecting me. It makes Daddy sad.
Look, I agree that Mommy is pretty awesome. You wouldn’t be here if I thought otherwise. And, it’s true that Mommy breastfed you and got up with you in the middle of the night much more than I did, and that she comforted you more when you were sick. But, that wasn’t because I loved you less. It was mostly because of the breastfeeding. And, also I was tired.
But, who’s the first person you run to when you want to be carried? Not Mommy! And, who helps you fly through the air like a superhero or flip upside down? Not Mommy! And, who has the most fun with you during bath time? Not Mommy!
How can you forget all the great bike rides we’ve had together? How can you overlook all the wonderful one-on-one trips we’ve taken to museums, and parks, and playgrounds, and bookstores? And, what about all the toys I’ve bribed you with? Have I just been throwing money away?
I guess I am wondering when you will become “Daddy’s little girl” because that’s what I was promised. And, I’m pretty sure you don’t want to turn all the random people who offered me advice on this issue into liars.
Sweetheart, I really love how certain you are of what you want, and I hope your strength and passion (and ability to scream) make you a great leader someday. I just want you to take it easy on me. Especially in the morning when I’m getting your milk and cheerios and putting on the T.V. show you are demanding, and you are screaming in my face for Mommy.
Here’s something you don’t know: When you were born, you weren’t breathing. You entered the world blue and lifeless and I was the one who saw that most frightful thing and felt life end and wanted so badly to hear you wail at the top of your lungs. I’ve never been so scared or felt so powerless. So, truthfully, I love to hear you breathing, even if sometimes it means you are yelling at me. I just want you to breathe more and yell less. And, I want to be your favorite.
Oh, well. There’s always your little sister. I think she likes me.
Love,
Daddy
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Photo: Flickr/AndyLepp
I know this is an old post but I thought I’d still comment:
My daughter does the exact same thing. Except, she is egalitarian about it: sometimes it’s mom she rejects, sometimes it’s me. Usually it’s neither of us. It’s never both of us, of course.
It’s a phase and I’m sure that it has passed by now.
I know what you mean. My younger son favors my wife (http://larrydbernstein.com/my-son-doesnt-hate-me/).
Btw, I’m pretty sure she likes you – your in second place.
Seriously? Putting blame on your kid for making you sad? Acknowledging the mother did most of the unpaid labor at home and took care of your daughter more than you, then blaming it on your physical inability to breastfeed and being tired? Trying to buy love with money and then again blaming your child aking if it was wasted money? Again putting guilt on your child for not favouring you, blaming her for your peers words of comfort. Being obsessed about being her favourite. And then in the end, threathening her with the possibility of you leaving her and caring… Read more »
A K, your inability to register the sweet and tender tone with which this playful, tongue-in-cheek piece was written, not to mention your unchecked vitriol, suggests that you may have bigger issues in play than one father’s love for his wonderful, little daughter. We wish you well on your road to recovery.
Whit, you beat me to it. Thanks!
Ariel, and other gentlemen, I want to encourage you to read the following article. It think it will give you the perspective you’re looking for and need.
And also know, your time in the sunshine if parenthood is coming.
http://chopperpapa.com/2013/08/gifts-of-the-father-needs-of-the-child/
I’m sure things will be fine as she gets older. Just always be open and loving. Never turn her away from you and make sure there is trust. You can’t go wrong as long as the basic needs and ideas are met.
I am in the EXACT SAME POSITION with my daughter (2.5 y/o). She’s rejected me from the time she was an infant and I still don’t get to have a real close relationship with her. I feel robbed of what I thought was going to be a very fun time. Daughter number two comes this December and I’m horrified that she’ll be the same way.
This is beautiful. I am sure she will come around !