I Have a Dream: That People Will View a Picture Like This and Not Think It’s a Big Deal

doyin

The only thing Doyin Richards wanted to do was get his daughter ready for school. He had no idea the viral outrage that would cause. 

—-

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. was one of the best orators in the history of the world and was one of the Top 10 Americans ever. Believe me, I’m not comparing myself to a legend like Dr. King, but I’m going to share my version of the “I Have A Dream” speech with all of you.

Before I start, let me give you some background.

Most of you know this, but I’m taking the month of October off from my corporate job for baby bonding with my 3-month old daughter. It’s a lot of work being a stay at home parent, but it’s so damn rewarding. My baby girl smiles at me nonstop these days and I know it’s attributed to the one-on-one time I’m spending with her. It’s a blast.

One morning last week, MDW was running late for work and was worried that she wouldn’t be able to get DDW1′s hair done before I had to take her to school. I told her that she could leave and I’d handle it. She countered by saying that doing her hair requires attention and the baby would get upset if I left her alone while I played the role of stylist. Again, I told her that I’d handle it. On the way out she said, “I’ll believe it when I see it.”

That’s when I put DDW2 in the Ergo, stood DDW1 on a stool and worked my hair magic. During the process, I thought, “There’s no way my wife will believe me if I don’t take a picture of this.” That’s when I set my camera up, put it on a 10-second timer, and took the photo you’re looking at right now. After 15 minutes of multitasking, the final result was a nice, tight ponytail for big sister and a happily sleeping baby in the carrier. Mission accomplished. I emailed the photo to her with the caption “Boom.” and we both got a good laugh out of it.

The calm before the internet storm....

The calm before the internet storm..

Little did I know how interesting things were about to become.

After eating some breakfast, I figured I’d post the picture on the DDW Facebook and Twitter feeds. Within hours, the picture went viral (well, at least “viral” for me). At last check, the photo was shared over 4,800 times, received over 3,000 comments, and was liked over 190,000 times. The photo was also “borrowed” by at least 13,164 Facebook pages before I could watermark it (OK, maybe not 13,164 Facebook pages…it was probably closer to 23,164 Facebook pages) That was a head-scratcher for me, because I never experienced something like this since I started blogging.

The reactions, comments, and emails I received ranged from the overwhelmingly positive to the downright nasty. But as I went through everything, I had a chance to reflect on what I hope for the future. Let’s do this.

♦◊♦

I have a dream that insecure dads will spend less time hating on good dads and more time on getting their own shit together. I’d say 95% of the dads who follow me are actively involved in their kids’ lives and view parenting as a 50/50 endeavor with their wives/girlfriends. They send me “Thank You” emails, they’ll say it’s refreshing to see a guy (me) who embraces fatherhood as much as they do, and they’ll refer other good dads to my blog because they know I’ll celebrate them. Words cannot express how much I appreciate those men because they will play a huge role in making fatherhood “cool” again (granted, I always thought fatherhood was cool, but that’s another story).

On the flip side, there’s a small pocket of men out there that can’t stand me. Here’s a sampling of some of the private messages and comments I received from them after I posted this picture:

- “He probably rented those kids. They don’t even look like him.”

- “I would bet anything that you’re a deadbeat.”

- “OK buddy, cute picture. Now why don’t you hand the children back to their mom so you can go back to selling drugs or your bootleg rap CDs?”

- “So do you do this for all of your illegitimate kids?”

You get the idea.

As I’ve said in previous blog posts, I’m not immune to hate mail—and some messages are racist in nature and some aren’t. It comes with the territory of doing what I do and I completely understand that. However, do you know what’s funny? Oftentimes when a dude posts a public hateful comment on my FB page or Twitter feed, it’s followed up by his wife or girlfriend emailing me privately to apologize for his behavior. These women will tell me that their men are angry that I’m making them “look bad” because they aren’t holding up their end of the bargain when it comes to parenting. Here’s the thing: I don’t make anyone look bad. These guys are doing a fine job on their own according to the women in their lives.

Memo to the small pocket of male haters I have: Why don’t you put big boy shorts on and get in on the revolution of good fathers? It’s not a good look to tear down dads for doing the work your wives wished you were man enough to do on your own. If you don’t believe me, just ask your spouses. They’ll tell you.

But don’t worry. I’ll still be here whenever you’re ready to step your game up and join #TeamGrownAssMan.

Again, to the amazing fathers out there reading this (which happens to be the overwhelming majority)—much love to you guys. I appreciate you. Your spouses appreciate you. And most importantly—your kids appreciate you.

♦◊♦

I have a dream that people will be judged by the content of their character and not by the color of their skin. OK, so I had to paraphrase the great MLK on this one. Surprisingly (well, not surprisingly to me) in this instance, the majority of racist emails I received came from other black people. Again, here’s a sampling:

- “This would be so much better if those kids were BLACK!”

- “Look at this Uncle Tom. No chance he would be doing this if his kids were black.”

- “I’m sorry, but I can’t support a brotha who didn’t marry a black woman.”

- “Your MOM is black and you dishonored her by marrying outside of your race? You probably can’t handle a strong black woman.”

 

***DDW steps away from his computer to check his calendar to ensure it’s 2013 and not 1913***

Allow me a moment to address the small pocket of racists who share the same race as me.

Dr. King dedicated his life to ensuring people could live a life free of judgments based on skin color. He dedicated his life to ensuring future generations could marry anyone without dealing with persecution. But there are people “on his team” (yes, I know we’re ALL on the same team, just roll with me on this, please) who are sabotaging his work. If the first thing you want to do is to criticize the skin color of my kids for not being as dark as mine, you have some serious issues.

Yes, I married a woman who is half-white and half-Japanese. Yes, the skin of my babies happens to be a few shades lighter than mine. Yes, my mom (a black woman born and raised in the deep south of Mississippi) loves my wife and kids because she’s smart enough to know that love is colorblind. All of my black friends and family members feel the same way.

You mad?

Grow up and stop being so fucking ignorant. You’re a damn embarrassment to Dr. King and his legacy.

To be clear, I’m not addressing all black folks here – because the overwhelming majority of my black followers are kind, clear-thinking, and intelligent individuals.

It’s just that the dumbest ones are usually the loudest ones.

 ♦◊♦

I have a dream that people will view a man’s love for fatherhood for what it is instead of thinking there’s something “fishy” going on.  A lot of people really dig the fact that I dig daddying (yes, I made it a verb) as much as I do. However, since I started my blog 17 months ago, I’ve come across some people who will look at me and think, “There’s no way this guy can be as passionate about fatherhood as he is. I bet he’s using his kids in an attempt to become rich and famous.” It’s sad.

Think of the Mommy blogs you like to follow (some of which have a larger following than I have). If they share their love for motherhood, you probably wouldn’t think twice about it because that’s what moms are “supposed to do,” right? But if a human being with a penis shares the same passion for being a parent, it somehow becomes strange and fishy? And that makes sense…how, exactly?

I love being a dad and I love sharing my love of fatherhood with others. Shit, being a dad is one of the few things in life I’m actually good at. Of course I’m going to be passionate about this gig. My dream is that ALL people will embrace men who embrace fatherhood instead of wondering if they have ulterior motives. Remember, we’re the good guys in this fight.

 ♦◊♦

I have a dream that people will view a picture like this and not think it’s such a big deal. Don’t get me wrong here – it’s a very cute picture, and it’s cool when people say so. However, I start to get a little uncomfortable when people want to start planning parade routes for me because of it. Somewhere there’s a dad doing the exact same thing for his daughters. Somewhere there’s a dad who put his foot down with his boss and refused to attend an “urgent staff meeting” so he could leave work early to attend his daughter’s dance recital. Somewhere there’s a single dad successfully getting his three sons ready for school. Somewhere there’s a stay at home dad crushing all of the cooking, cleaning, laundry for his family. Somewhere there’s a dad who would rather play catch in the backyard with his son instead of killing pixelated terrorists on his XBox.

In other words, there are plenty of good, involved dads out there. Many of them are reading this post right now.

I’ve posted hundreds of pictures of my family since I started blogging and I had no idea that this one would cause such a seismic shift on the WWW. But what if I posted a picture of MDW doing what I did in that picture? Many would probably think it’s cute, but after ten seconds of looking at it, they would probably move on to the next shiny object on their newsfeed. Why? Because it just wouldn’t be a big deal to many people if a woman did it.

Until we can get to the point where men and women can complete the same parenting tasks and the reactions are the same, we will have problems. If you want to create a statue for me for taking care of my daughters, create one for the moms who are doing the same damn thing everyday for their kids without receiving a “Thank you” or an “Ooooh” or “Ahhhh.”

These behaviors should be expected of moms and dads. No exceptions.

♦◊♦

That ends my rant.

For many of you, this is the first blog post you’ve ever read from me. Just so you know, I’m usually the lighthearted guy online and I’m rarely this angry – but today I had to regulate a bit.

In time you’ll determine if you love me or hate me. If you love me, that’s good news because I’m going to continue doing the stuff you love. If you hate me, that’s bad news because I’m going to continue doing the stuff you hate. If you fall into the “hate” category, just send my blog to all of your enemies (that’ll show ‘em). For the rest of you, I’m so humbled and happy to be a guy you follow and enjoy as we embark on this crazy road of parenthood together.

On a side note, I wrote this entire post while my baby girl was sleeping on me in the Ergo.

It’s not a big deal. That’s just what a Daddy Doin’ Work is supposed to do.

Boom.

Originally published on Daddy Doin’ Work®.

Daddy Doin’ Work: Empowering Mothers To Evolve Fatherhood is now available on Amazon. http://amzn.to/1nZirCX

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About Doyin Richards

Doyin is a father, husband, blogger, and author dedicated to creating and celebrating a world of great fathers. He operates the popular blog Daddy Doin' Work and you can also follow him on Facebook and Twitter

Comments

  1. I think this is an great picture of a Dad who is caring for his kids. Just listen to your heart and love your family and friends. 2 thumbs up for you, and keep up the awesome!! :) What adorable kids you have, too!! Jealousy and hate are destructive elements in our world that we really need to rise above and not let get us down to their level. ((HUGS))

    • this makes me sad on so many levels.. he’s damned if he does damned if he doesn’t a loving family man taking good care of his kids is not something that needs to be celebrated but it should be noted that this ma is doing it right. He’s making it count… he’s taking time off work to bond with his new baby and loving and taking care of his older daughter…. shame on ANYONE who made such horrible comments and on behalof of me and everyone I know I am so sorry

      • I disagree. He is anything but damned (except damn lucky). I can understand how you’d be pissed by those comments but they are, as you said idiots. They are ignorant racists and a lot of what is wrong in our society. You, on the other hand, are what is right. Keep showing off how to win at life, we just need to be louder than the idiots!

  2. Mitt Romney's Black Child says:

    If you want things like this to change, maybe you should start by decrying MSNBCs racist roundtable against Mitt Romney for having an adopted black grandchild…

  3. worldtraveller says:

    First time ive read your blog, and im now a follower. Well said and so true. Your an inspiration to all parents, mums and dads alike. The most important thing any parent can do for their child is to love them, and that comes through loud and clear in your photo and in yoyr blog. Your children are lucky to have you as a dad and your wife is lucky to have you as a husband.

  4. You are SO AWESOME. You have a very lucky wife and very lucky children! I’ve watched my boyfriend embrace pseudo-fatherhood by raising his two nieces (5 and 6) and new baby nephew (7 months) in the same way you’ve embraced fatherhood. Seeing him interact with his brothers’ children is one of the main things that attracted me to him. When we eventually settle down, establish careers and have children, I know that he’ll be a fantastic, involved father just like yourself! My boyfriend is also bi-racial (Thai and Mexican), while I’m a white woman, and the diversity of your family is wonderful and inspiring! We’ve gotten those “looks” and comments about “destroying the gene pool” and whathaveyou, but love is love! Thank you for your dedication to your baby girls, every parent who fully dedicates themselves to parenthood is doing a service not only to their children- who will grow up capable and well-rounded, but to the world!
    Congratulations to you and your lovely family!

  5. Alexander says:

    The first thing that came to my mind when I saw that picture was how adorable they look.

    Then I noticed the size of the guy’s arm, goddamn that is huge (probably because of the little kid right next to the arm, but man that bicep looks so big), and he’s holding a tini tiny brush while wearing a what-ya-ma-call it with a little one in it. You look so silly like that.

    But really, you guys are adorable, such cute kids, I’ll bet they love their dad.

    Don’t you listen to those assholed on the internet, they are nothing but scum!

  6. Lisa Clague says:

    Good on you!
    My Dear Ol’ Dad was a hands on Dad, and my brother is one also (he has also been a single Dad raising his first son alone). I have the greatest admiration for both of them.
    All those haters out there are just missing their Dads.

  7. First time visiting your blog here, but not the first time seeing that pic. I saw there was an uproar over it and didn’t have the stomach to even see what it was all about. All I could think was this: If people think it’s amazing that a man is being active in his role as a father, I’m going to hurl. The basics, the very basics of soulfulness are marveled at as if there is something amazing in it. And, naturally, as a mom, I think how tragic it is. You voiced it here, along with a whole pile of beautiful truth. So encouraged by your perspective!

  8. I love this post!!! Race has nothing to do with dead beat dads. Every race has them but people want to be pointing the finger or giving it. This man has real balls but then is is doing what he is suppose to because he is a good human being with a compassionate soul. Blessings come in the packages called family.

  9. Anna Birkas says:

    I think we are already there. Most of us. I just never come across the people that aren’t there yet, so it is hard for me to imagine anyone not finding this normal and beautiful.

  10. I didn’t even notice the difference in skin tone… heck, I had to read the article twice to work out what the fuss was all about. Some people need to get a life and worry about stuff that really matters

  11. Reading this holding my baby son and my first impressions were I hope my son grows up to be a daddy like you. Reading your blog just confirms that. Love to you & yours x

  12. Alexandra says:

    Wow… I read your blog after i saw the picture and i tried to guess what is the big deal (because otherwise than this is a very cute picture, i didn’t sense any problem).
    Well now i see how ignorant i am… A black man marries not a black woman?!?!?! and a father that cares for his daughter???
    It is very upsetting that there are so many haters and ignorant people. But it is very inspiring to read your story and to know that you are right:
    “the dumbest ones are usually the loudest ones.”

    Don`t think i need to tell you – continue to be an awesome dad and a loving husband.
    Just wish that other people will learn to be half the man you are

  13. John Makaro says:

    I like to think of myself as an awesome dad, my wife and son think so too. As long as those two think that, then I couldn’t care less what some small group of “hate on you because I don’t devote my life to my kids” asshats think.

    Great read, great story, great picture, and great job on being a real Dad.

    Cheers!

  14. Dominick Tarantino says:

    My Son also took time off as a Manager of a chain store to have time to bond with his new Daughter. It was a very rewarding experience for him and my Granddaughter. I have taught my children that it takes two to run a household. Keep up the great job and be the proud Dad you are. My son has made me a very proud Dad to see the proud Dad he is.

  15. Yesenia Barajas says:

    Wow this is some true ignorant fuckers if they cannot see beyond color. What is wrong with these people? Haven’t they learned anything from history- our wars, deaths, and rights…I wish everyone could have experience what many African Americas, Jews, Indians, and so forth experience in the past AND ARE STILL EXPERIENCING TODAY! This reminds me of gender roles that are placed by society. We talked in class about how roles are assigned to us based on gender and well even race. It is sad not to be able to reward this man for being a great father…in which now in days there is not many.

  16. If not for that title, I would not have been interested in reading this. I almost dismissed the thumbnail picture. I tried hard to see what was really wrong with the picture. I thought the dad was tying up the hair wrongly or the baby carrier thingy was in a wrong position or the baby was choking or something…and then i read the article.

    It took a leap of logic for me to connect this to racist commentary. Which incidentally only came to me after reading this. I’m already in my late teens and this racism thing still is very new to me. Many times, reading posts about racism exposes a new dimension of hate or discrimination i never even thought of.

    Why is this even an issue? Honestly asking. Not rhetorical or sarcastic. Why? How can someones skin colour be of such an obvious thing to people.

    Skin colour or race or whatever is defined as racism is like the colour of a cup to me. I don’t notice what colour of cup or material it’s made of when talking to someone that’s holding one. It just flies past me. I don’t even take note of it. It blew my mind when i learned of this racism thing.

    Why is this a thing? How come people fixate on this? How come it’s such a huge thing?

    If it helps, I’m not from the Americas. And I am genuinely asking these questions.

  17. Hey there – I didn’t see anything unusual in this photo at all. Just a Dad doing what dad’s do/should do. Your daughters will grow into beautiful girls who love their Dad and cherish the close relationship that you have started developing with them. Keep up the wonderful fathering & enjoy:)

  18. I saw the photo as I was scrolling down my news feed. The only reason I clicked on it was because of the heading ‘people will view a picture like this and not think it’s a big deal’ . I guess I was curious because just looking at the photo I thought “that’s cute” for all of two seconds and would have moved on. The words you wrote about it are very touching and I am relieved to know it was simply me being so fine with the picture that the points you raise were not concerns of mine at all. I didn’t notice your kids aren’t quite the same colour-not because I claim to be ‘colour blind’ but because if I’m looking at a picture of a man caring for two children what does it matter what the childrens colour is? I’m going to cut off my comment here because I could ramble about all of the points. I simply wanted to say, selfishly, thankyou for a) taking the time to write such a thoughtful post from such an understanding perspective, b) making your points in a way that were inoffensive and not angry in the least- firm but nice I guess and c) making me feel like a better person today for agreeing with all of your points/ not thinking there was anything odd about your photo. I hope you keep doing what you enjoy and enjoying what you do.

  19. From father to father, you’re going a great job man. Its so reassuring to see other fathers be involved with their children and families.

    So many things I could relate to. I just returned to work from paternity leave this week and my baby boy smiles every time he sees me.I know it’s because of those nights he and I hung out while mommy got some sleep.

    I too decided when my first son was born that I was going to be a different dad. My father was great and so were many of my uncles but they were part of that “old school” bunch. I decided I wanted to be that and more. I wanted to be just as active and valuable as mommy. It’s not easy but its worth it. There is nothing mommy can do that I can’t do as well (aside from breast feeding of course!).

    My sons are mixed as well. My wife is Filipino, I am Mexican and I have to say, it made for a great combo. Thankfully, I have never encountered any hostility or ignorance because of our mixed heritage. My parents and siblings love my wife and kids without a problem or even a thought. If anything, the change has sparked an appreciate for things they would have never known. My argument to those idiots that would question our “mixture” is what are you supposed to do when a great thing comes your way and gives you all that you’ve ever hoped for? A good woman/wife is exactly that regardless or their skin color/ethnicity/race/heritage/etc.

    Keep doing what you’re doing. You are an inspiration to fathers and validate this new role most of us fathers have adopted.

  20. When it came to the comments about the kids not being fully black I had to look at the photo again because I literally didn’t even notice they were paler. What do you even call those kinds of comments!? I guess they are prejudiced, at best. I think this photo is amazing! Super manly ;)

  21. Josh Dittmer says:

    You have class my friend, loved the article.

  22. If a woman had been doing this, no one would have thought it unusual, just another good mother multi-tasking. Hopefully sooner than later, a man doing the same thing will get the same reaction. It’s changing. Not as quickly as the impatient would like, but then again people are often stuck in their roles. It’s good that your picture serves as an example to other men that real men take care of their children

  23. I don’t understand how anyone can see this photo and not see a man who cares for and loves his children.

  24. I am an adult woman in her 30s, and one of my favorite memories from childhood is my father blowdrying my hair for me every week before church while my mom took her shower. These are the sorts of memories that your children will treasure for years.

  25. hear hear

  26. It’s because they are looking through hate coloured glasses.

  27. I agree:)

  28. I think any man, (any color) should look at this photo and be proud. I think it is wonderful that you are wanting to spend time with your children and share the duties with your wife. There are alot of men out there that do help, but alot that don’t also. Look around guys, (black and white). In alot of homes both of you have to work, why is it that some of you consider it “babysitting” when you have to take care of your own flesh and blood? Remember our children learn from example, so what you do and how you do it will be our future. When are we going to get past the color of our skin? I am white and so is my husband but our color doesn’t make us good parents. It comes from the heart! I praise you and your wife for doing such a great job!

  29. I had to read the blog, because I truly didn’t understand why the picture was such a big deal. Thank you for your words of support and encouragement for families! Whole families! As a teacher, my dream is to have more active and involved parents all the way around~ it would make my career less daunting~ if basic necessities were met and stability and love started in the home.
    Way to go, and way to support Dads in a Whole Family!
    God bless~

  30. Wow is all I can say. I think what u r doing is amazing! It breaks my heart to see we still live in a world were people stereotype. It doesn’t matter what race you are, it’s the heart & love a man has for his children that matters. When I saw the pic it reminded me of my hubby. Before we were married he did both of his little girls hair. To be honest I would try to help him and he was way better! :) I know it meant so much to have their daddy involved in their life. Even if it was just doing their hair. I wish you the best and pray that you have an effect on men who are fathers world wide. You are a great example of how all fathers should strive to be!

  31. my dad gave me the “talk” about boys ,, always made me laugh.. on some dates, and some “lines”. I used to think that’s EXACTLY what my Dad said they’d say and try to do ! ahahhah

  32. Yes to this!!!! You are amazing. My earliest and happiest memory is of my dad brushing my hair and putting it in a ponytail before church. This while my older sister was jumping on him and my younger sister was waiting for her turn. Keep up the amazing work. I look forward to reading the rest of your blog.

  33. That’s really sweet :)

  34. I also had to read the blog because I did not understand why the picture was a big deal. It first caught my eye because it was so touching! God. Bless. You. Keep up the extraordinary good work!

  35. Me too. I thought. What’s this about? So a dad’s brushing his daughters hair. My dad did that when mom was busy (and don’t tell mom, but was much nicer about it). I couldn’t imagine what the “debate” was about until I read the blog. So, Good Job. It’s not a big deal for some of us.

  36. I just had a hour to view 2 young parents and their 3/4 year old daughter. Parents using hand held.
    something’s while their 3/4 year old daughter tried to entertain herself by moving all over the room and talking to them with very little response. These are times when I am sorry about all the things we use
    to not be in the moment.This child will be labeled, no doubt , when she goes to school and it may be
    suggested she needs a drug for hyper ——- . ????? Or is it she is hyper, being 3/4 and wanting to explore everything. The movie ” Babies” is on my mind. Also I am 79 yrs. old. So keep that in mind if you got this far reading. Best regards to all .

  37. You have brought tears to this old man’s eyes. You are proud of yourself and you should be. Hell, I am even proud of you. I am very much saddened by the racist remarks some have written to you. I was raised in a white liberal family in New England. I was taught from the start that color is not what it is about. It is about how colors blend. Yet, I am ashamed to say, societal conditioning manages to take a toll on good lessons. When I walk down the street and see someone a little voice in my head says he’s Black or he’s Asian or Latin etc. I’m not even sure if that is racism but I suspect it is a subtle version. It has been said, that “we are all racist, it is the degree we fight about”. All I know is that Damn it, I wish that voice wasn’t there. Happy New Year and I wish you all the best. Jake

  38. I love the honesty in your comment, Jake. Sounds a lot like me, and I’m a woman in my twenties. Just goes to show it doesn’t matter how old you are, or your gender, people still want and feel the same things. Have a good one.

    Massive amounts of support for this father, by the way! He’s doin it right.

  39. I have to disagree… you’re not being racist, your being a normal human being understanding your surroundings… let’s take it here…

    If you walk into a room, you immediately recognize tables vs. chairs… are you being racist? Absolutely not.

    What makes someone racist is if once they do the normal thing of intellectually clarifying their surroundings… they then act on that information negatively…. don’t get me wrong, we’ve all been taught that you sit at tables, not on them. But, the trick is in understanding that that table is NOT superior to a chair simply because it LOOKS different…

  40. Jake, I understand what you are saying. That voice in your head is not racism. You see what you see. A black man, I’m thinking, would like to be seen as a black man because that is part of who he is. My problem was after that, I would begin to question what he would think of me because I’m white. Would he think less of me? I would try too hard to “relate” to him instead of just being myself. Stupid, right? That is all anyone has to do. Be yourself and respect everyone.

  41. mizdameena says:

    your honesty is is great – thank you so much – you’re just said what a lot of us have probably thought – i guess it’s all about what we do with that little voice, and my guess is you tell yours to shove it and get on with knowing people, not labels.

  42. As someone from a very sheltered mixed race household, I’ve always found racism to be an interesting and bizarre part of our existence. I really think racism is too difficult for today’s society–half the time you can’t even tell someone’s ethnicity unless they tell you, so you’re only guessing. I think the day will come very soon when Martin Luther King’s dream will be a reality, because keeping track of which shade of brown or white the races lines are drawn at will be too troublesome. I like your comment Jake. But if guessing people’s races on the street is too easy, you can always guess their occupation or interests or age. As long as you don’t treat them as a Saturday Night Live caricature of themselves but as individuals who act independently of their races, I think you’ll be fine in the racism department.

  43. I have to agree. It caught my eye because of the lovely contrast, not of colours, but of a big muscular man tenderly caring for two small and delicate children. That’s not only a warm photo, but artwork. It’s a contrast of strength and fragility, of strong masculinity and slightly preoccupied girlhood and also of expected roles and observed actions.
    I think it’s a beautiful picture for all of those qualities.

    Also? Cute kids.

  44. Thank you for saying what I was thinking. Beautiful picture – could be my wonderful husband with our 5 kids.

  45. wow that was good that said it all. like there are so many mixed raced kids and adults now a days when are people just going to get over it and let people live their lives. It has nothing to do with hating your race or preferring one over the other it has to do with people falling in love with that person they fell in love with. Now what would be racist is if they let color come between the way they felt about that person, that just because someone is of another race color you shouldn’t fall for them. what is wrong with this world? All we should be seeing is a father loving his kids. Who the freek cares of color and why are grown people hating on kids they had no choice in the matter but sure their pretty happy they have a loving father who loves them for them and can show them love and how to love. But your comment said it all that was a good way of putting it.

  46. No dear, your analogy is off track- you should recognise that they are all tables, just different colours- why would you recognise the colour of the table more than recognising whether it has different height, designs, shapes etc? Its a social construct not a valid difference. The fact that you would identify colour difference as remarkable a structural difference as a chair and a table is telling, particularly when skin colour is less genetically significant than eye colour.

  47. LOVE……….LOVE………LOVE this picture. Beautiful! Now that’s a daddy!

  48. sugarchild says:

    You go boy….my brothers do their kids hair all the time when they are getting them dress. All those ignorant, stupid people out there, this is a natural act of a loving father. If you can’t see or understand that then I’m truly sorry for you…..

  49. There will always be race issues. Did you know there are race issues within races. Blacks with light skin v/s dark skin that continues to go on even more nowadays; hispanics and others.

  50. Kristen Oliver says:

    A friend shared this blogpost on facebook today.. I salute you! I am going to forward your blog info to a friend who is a fantastic stay at home dad. Blessings to you and your family!

Trackbacks

  1. […] it the “Daddy Wars.” One Los Angeles blogger sparked them when a photo he posted of himself and his two daughters on Twitter and Facebook quickly went viral. A father of two Doyin Richards (pronounced Doe-ween), […]

  2. […] This comment by Cecily on the post I Have a Dream: That People Will View a Picture Like This and Not Think It’s a Big Deal […]

  3. […] of the comments on the dad’s post astonished me. The comments were directed at someone else, but that “someone else” is […]

  4. […] from Daddy Doin’ Work, who I’m pretty sure is my brother from another mother, just went viral this week and was invited to appear on national television morning talk shows. He’s representing what I […]

  5. […] unrelated to whining about the weather, but can we agree that internet trolls are the worst? This dad posted a picture of himself and his daughters and the backlash that came from it is so […]

  6. […] if I’d read an article she’d seen on the Good Men Project. The article, called “I Have a Dream: That People Will See a Picture Like This and Not Think It’s a Big Deal“, is written by a guy named Doyin Richards. Richards is a dad and a black man. He has a blog […]

  7. […] Standing ovation to this man not just for being a good father but for getting on the soapbox and saying what needs to be said […]

  8. […] a lengthy response post since reposted by The Good Men Project, Doyin invokes Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., and says he dreams of a day when “people will […]

  9. […] “I Have a Dream: That People Will View a Picture Like This and Not Think It’s a Big Deal&#82… — Having an engaged partner in parenting was a non-negotiable for me, which works out because my husband is an awesome Dad. It drives me nuts when people talk about him, or any other male parent, as if they are babysitters, inferior, or incompetent. This article expands beyond simple mother/father treatments and stereotypes, and is well worth a read. […]

  10. […] Doyin Richards, 39, is a black dad who took a picture of himself styling his oldest daughter’s hair while having his toddler strapped to his chest. Word on the street is that it’s gone viral in the last several days. […]

  11. […] I was sent the following link from my lady to read this brother’s letter regarding a picture he took of himself combing his daughter’s hair while holding his other child in a carrier. I read the article and was amazed at how something so innocent turned into something for a number of persons to attack. Here’s the link for those who might not have seen it: http://goodmenproject.com/families/i-have-a-dream-that-people-will-view-a-picture-life-this-and-not-… […]

  12. […] Good Read: I Have a Dream: That People Will Look At A Picture Like This & Not Think It’s A Big Deal […]

  13. […] Hess’ article (along with this thoughtful response from an involved father who got bashed for merely combing his daughter’s hair one morning) […]

  14. […] I Have a Dream: That People Will View a Picture Like This and Think It’s Not a Big Deal This story has gone viral, but if you haven’t seen it yet, it’s definitely worth a read. […]

  15. […] I learned when I stopped yelling at my kids Relational Repair for the “The Difficult” I have a dream that people will view a picture like this and think it’s not a big deal 40 maps that will help you make sense of the world Parenting like there’s a repairman in the […]

  16. […] posted at Queerty Extended story at HuffPost Find them at @kordalenkaleb You might also like: I Have a Dream That People Will View a Picture Like This and Think It’s No Big Deal What Little Girls Wish Daddies Knew In Our Gay Family, Two Little Best Friends Became Brothers […]

  17. […] rather play catch in the backyard with his son instead of killing pixelated terrorists on his XBox. I Have a Dream: That People Will View a Picture Like This and Not Think It’s a Big Deal by Doyin […]

  18. […] hair with an infant strapped to his chest] with his two daughters went viral, Doyin Richards offers his response.  “Until we can get to the point where men and women can complete the same parenting tasks […]

  19. […] particularly vile cases of hatred directed at multi-racial families received national attention. One father took to the internet to defend his right to post a picture of himself with his two daughters, even […]

  20. […] might also like: I Have a Dream That People Will View a Picture Like This and Not Think It’s a Big Deal Two Dads, Two Daughters, Why the Hate? 25 Fail-Safe Rules for Dads Raising […]

  21. […] other than a cis-hetero-white-man, anonymous people on the Internet can and will use you as a scapegoat for their prejudices. And that gets old real […]

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