Welcome to Portraits of Fatherhood: We’re telling the story of today’s dads.
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There is no better place to witness the changing roles of men and women in the larger culture than through the lens of parenthood. But rather than speculate on what and how contemporary fathers do what they do, we’d like to bring you portraits of the dads themselves. In their own words. Would you like to be interviewed for this feature? See the end of the post for details.
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NAME Jeremy Chua
AGE 38
HOMETOWN / WHERE DO YOU LIVE NOW? Livingston, NJ/Bloomfield, NJ
NUMBER OF CHILDREN Two
WORK Full-time
RELATIONSHIP STATUS Divorced
HOW DO YOU COMBINE WORK AND FAMILY? How have you, or you and your partner (if you’re partnered), arranged your life/schedule to provide the daily care for your kid(s)?
I remember when I was married and when my oldest Caitlin was born this was my biggest challenge. I was always completely focused on my career in that I was working long hours, but when Caitlin was born I made a conscious decision to take a step back and focus on being a husband/father. I vividly remember being at work and at 5PM I’d think about all the work I still had to do….than looking at a pic of Caitlin on my desk and thinking….what am I doing….she’s waiting for me to get home. Now as a single father, I’m very lucky in that work and the people I work with are very understanding of my situation. I leave early when I have the girls so I can pick them up, get them fed, showered and help with their homework….and still spend quality time either cuddling on the couch or just being a jungle gym for them.
HOW HAS PARENTING CHANGED YOU AS AN INDIVIDUAL?
It’s made me a better person. I like to think I’m much more patient in terms of everything and more well-rounded as a person. I have zero artistic ability, yet, I’m always looking for arts and crafts projects to do with the girls. I can French braid hair….I mean that has to make me more well rounded of an individual doesn’t it?!
WHAT ARE YOUR STRENGTHS AS A PARENT AND WHAT ARE YOUR WEAKNESSES?
I like to think one of my strengths as a parent is that I’m fully engaged with them. I love spending time with them and doing things with them. Even when we’re doing nothing, we’re doing something, if that makes sense. The fact that they know 100% without question that I love them. One of my weaknesses…..I apparently have zero sense of style for girls clothing LOL.
WHO ELSE PROVIDES CHILDCARE FOR YOUR CHILDREN? Do you have unpaid family or friends providing help or do you have paid nannies/babysitters/au pairs?
My ex-wife also provides for the girls and she has family that is local so that helps her, and me, as well. Fortunately, she has a flexible schedule and as I mentioned my work is understanding, so we have things worked out pretty well.
WHAT IS YOUR WORST PARENTING MOMENT?
Oh this is easy…..despite that there are many, LOL!
Caitlin was maybe 3 and Kyla was maybe 6 months old. Despite being divorced I wanted to keep doing normal things with my girls even though it would now just be me and them. We were at a mall and Kyla was in her stroller and Caitlin was out of diapers for maybe a few months so when she said she had to go potty….she had to GO POTTY!!! We were walking along in the mall when Caitlin said to me, “I have to go potty!”.
We were in the middle of the mall and the only bathroom I knew of was, of course, on the other side of the mall. We started to make our way there when she said how she had to go badly. I picked her up and put her on my shoulders. So there we were….me pushing Kyla in the stroller, Caitlin on my shoulders briskly weaving in and out of people. The whole time I’m picturing Caitlin ‘going’ while she’s on my shoulders. We finally get to the bathroom (men’s room….ugh how I hate taking them to the men’s room) and I’m frantically cleaning the toilet and just as I turn around Caitlin had already gone in her pants. I felt awful…..I didn’t have extra pants for her so she had to walk through the mall and make the drive home wet. In the end, I realized…..it wasn’t the end of the world and she was okay.
WHAT IS YOUR BEST PARENTING MOMENT?
Every Wednesday and every other Friday when I pick them…..just showing up. Seeing how excited they are to see me when I pick them up.
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We’re looking for a few good dads.
IF you’d like to be interviewed for this feature, please write to Lisa Duggan at: [email protected]
Please write “Portraits of Fatherhood” in the subject line.