Father Time is a weekly column dedicated to the concept of time in a parent’s life, particularly a father’s life. The point of view comes from a father of two young sons, both under three-years-old, and how time really is just that: a concept.
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Disclaimer: this week’s column will contain generalized and sexist ideas, with information sourced from a tiny sample size (based solely on the author and his wife, and a few close friends and associates with whom the author commiserates)!!!
Show of hands if you’ve received this text from your wife: Checking out, be home soon
Everyone, right?
Here’s what she really means: I’m about 15 or 20 minutes from actually being at, or near the cashier
Or what about this one: Decided to get a coffee with Kate, be home about 3:45 so you can do your errands
Translation: It’ll be close to 5 when I get home. Get comfortable
Men are like trains on tracks (i.e. on a mission, one-track mind, goal-driven, etc.), while women are like passengers on the train (they like to get on and off the train at their leisure, and we shouldn’t try to tell them otherwise).
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You see the pattern here. Women, methinks, have a different perspective on time in general, it’s passage, using it, maximizing it, and what have you. Again, this is largely (read: completely) based on my narrow experience with my Number One, but when I talk to other men, husbands, and fathers, I hear of shockingly similar stories. How they too have vastly different perspectives on time compared to their wives.
An industry colleague of mine once commented that his wife is always questioning him on when and where he’ll be in a given day, as though she’s on a constant hunt for information, yet she’s always unable to account for large chunks of time, or where and when she’s been on a given day.
Another friend said that he believes men tend to keep a well-thought out itinerary in their heads all day, whereas women are permitted to flow through the day. Again, HUGE generalization here, dear readers.
A wise guru I once knew (yes, another man) put it this way: Men are like trains on tracks (i.e. on a mission, one-track mind, goal-driven, etc.), while women are like passengers on the train (they like to get on and off the train at their leisure, and we shouldn’t try to tell them otherwise).
Not all women are like this. I know plenty of men who think time is a fluid, fungible thing. One of my best friends in college somehow had a way of missing nearly every 10:30 AM Communication Law class we had together. Another buddy of mine could make a basic study session at Denny’s over coffee turn into wee hour stretches. A guy I work with is known for breakfast meetings turning into lunch, sometimes dinner meetings—all with the same client.
A lot of women are so punctual and maximize the day in ways I’ve never seen anyone do. There’s a woman in our circle of friends that can fit in three, maybe four activities, whisking her children off to swim, art, dance, and gym, all before their 1 PM nap time. Her kids are relaxed, low-key angels, as I’m sure you can imagine.
I can’t help but see myself as a train, railing past the fun, while they get off at all points in between and take their time.
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Really though, men and women—PEOPLE—use time as they wish. It just seems the world I live in—the one of business men and deadlines, reports and outcomes—time is measured down to the minute. Back-to-back meetings are the sad norm. And so, when my wife and sons spend their days taking in the Natural History museum, riding all the escalators at the mall, or dancing at a kids concert at the park, I can’t help but see myself as a train, railing past the fun, while they get off at all points in between and take their time.
Sure, tables turn. They always do. I tease my wife constantly about how one day she will be the one working out of the home, and I’ll be the SAHD. To be honest, I can’t wait for that. Even if it never happens, it seems pretty damn fantastic.
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Photo credit: Robert Couse-Baker.