We love you. But we’ve got a favor to ask…
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I saw a funny write-up some time ago where the relationship needs of women were listed. The list was quite long and included things like, “telling her how beautiful she is, giving her attention, showing her affection, etc”. The other side of the list which was for men, was almost blank, except for the sentence, “show up naked.”
It was meant to be a joke, but I couldn’t help thinking about it. Does it mean that men don’t have any expectations in their relationships except sex?
I beg to differ. I am a man, and I know we have our own relationship expectations too.
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In my experience, many men really wish their partners would stop doing these 10 things…
1. Doubting His Dreams
Men want partners who will think that they are very smart, talented, intelligent, and will support their dreams. They want partners that will be willing to stand by them no matter how crazy their dreams may seem.
You can always correct us lovingly, but we hate it when you keep harping about our flaws.
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No man wants to be around someone who is always scrutinizing his plans and looking down on his dreams. Most of us share our dreams with our partners before we share it with anyone else. This is because we expect our partner to be our cheerleader who will believe in our dreams against all odds.
2. Continuously Finding Faults With His Flaws
We cannot be perfect every day. No matter how we try, we can’t help messing up on some days. We really wish to be loving and sensitive, and caring every day, but sometimes we can’t help being human. Sometimes we forget to take out the trash, and other times we leave our sweaty pants on the bedroom floor after jogging.
That doesn’t mean we are deliberately sitting back, not trying to be a better version of ourselves. No, it only means that we are still humans and not angels. You can always correct us lovingly, but we hate it when you keep harping about our flaws.
3. Scolding Him
Sometimes we make mistakes. We could make decisions that prove to be the wrong decision on the long run. At those times, we feel vulnerable. The last thing we need is to be scolded again and made to feel worse. One sentence we wish you will never use while talking to us at any time is; “I told you so.”
4. Welcoming Him Into a Room or Your Home Without a Smile
To most of us, life often feels like a battlefield. We know we are not just fighting for ourselves. Knowing that we are bearing the banner of our whole family makes us stick to our guns and stand strong when the battles seem to be the toughest.
We don’t need you monitoring us or stifling us with attention and care.
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Our hope is that our homes will be our haven. We expect home to be our place of retreat and comfort where we can release our stress. So imagine how disappointed we get when we return and are not greeted with a smile.
5. Smothering Him With Unwanted Affection
We appreciate the fact that you love us, and you want to express your love at any opportunity you get. As you do that, however, remember that we are not exactly babies. We don’t need you monitoring us or stifling us with attention and care.
We still need you to be loving, but if there are different needs for affection — talk bout them.
6. Not Trusting Him
Remember the point about us being humans and not angels? Let’s say we did something that made you lose your trust; please try and build it back up. Accept apologies sincerely. We hate having that feeling that our partner doesn’t trust us.
7. Disrespecting Him
For most men, disrespect is the worst offense. Most of us cannot stand a partner who belittles us or speaks to us with disdain. Doing this will make us want to avoid you.
8. Using Sex and Food as a Manipulative Tool
We need to spend time alone from time to time, and we hate it when you discourage us from doing it either directly or indirectly.
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Most of us don’t joke with food and sex. We know that you know that, and we don’t expect you to use it against us. We hate it so much when you use these things as grounds to get us to do what we initially didn’t want to do.
It’s manipulation, and it is not good when anyone does it.
9. Discouraging Him When He Wants to Do His Own Thing
Even when married or in a relationship, almost everyone still wants to have that feeling of freedom. We want to do activities that we truly enjoy — alone or with others. This is not a bad thing.
It’s good for everyone to spend time alone from time to time, and we hate it when you discourage us from doing it either directly or indirectly.
10. Comparing Him Unfavorably With Other Men, Especially Your Ex
Nobody feels great when compared to other people. If you are going to make any comparison at all, make it in such a way that we are the better people.
Tell us your dreams, your desires, what you want. Together, we will make those things happen. But do it open and honestly, not by bringing up what someone else is doing and hoping we’ll take the hint.
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I’d love to hear your feedback! Comment below.
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This post is republished on Medium.
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Photo credit: iStock
Okay, I have some time on my hands and I’m well amused by this cringe-worthy article. Bless your heart, author Toby Nwazor, you’ve got some work to do, son. First off, the title: Sure! And also, importantly, these are undesirable behaviors that are not gendered man or woman. Goofball humans of all stripes try some of this partnership bs. 1. “Doubting Their Dreams” Healthy partners support one another and their goals. 2. “Continuously Finding Faults With Their Flaws” Accept your partner for who and where they are in life; don’t go into a partnership wistfully loving the version of your… Read more »
I get where you’re trying to come from. Unfortunately for me this lands poorly as the impetus for change and acceptance comes from the woman. “Let’s say we did something that made you lose your trust; please try and build it back up. Accept apologies sincerely.” The onus is upon the person who caused the lack of trust to rebuild it. If it is sincerely being rebuilt then the apology may be accepted. Again, you lay the responsibility on the woman. What if the apology did not land well? Accept it because he says so? I would like to see… Read more »
What pathetic, selfish, babyish, sexist, patronising, insecure losers you frame us men as in this gob-smackingly bad article. Grow up, please. The world needs more mature, decent men. Not more man-babies. Yuk!!
Thank you for such a well written article. I learned a few things. Struggling with my husband telling me that I had made him feel like he was not man enough for me for quite some time. He made a statement and never eluded as to why . He wouldn’t tell me. Unfortunately my husband passed away before I could get an answer from him. Ladies always be gentle and kind to your men. Men please tell us asap when we’ve harmed you…and why. I never meant to hurt my husband this way or in any way for that matter.… Read more »
There’s one major thing wrong with this.
They’re all number one.
There is one major thing that feels really problematic to me here. It seems that there is this underlying theme of asking women to protect their male partners from any of our “negative” emotions. Greeting him without a smile? My day may have been just as much of a battlefield as his and maybe I’m not feeling smiley. He’s been out carrying the banner for our family all day? What have I been doing? It doesn’t mean I don’t love him, but why is it solely my responsibility to ensure that our home is a haven? Plus, men telling women… Read more »
Amen. This reads like a 1950s handbook on greeting your husband at the door with a drink and pretty dress.
Most of the points on this list can also apply to women and what we would like. Supporting and encouraging each other in goals and dream is a big one. And spending time with friends an/or alone is another. With regards to building trust, if you’ve done something to lose your partner’s trust, it is important that you take responsibility for building it up again. Of course she needs to be open and accepting that you are working towards change, but you have to show her that you are willing to change and are taking the necessary steps for doing… Read more »
Hello Mariana, “it is important that you take responsibility for building it up again. Of course she needs to be open and accepting that you are working towards change, but you have to show her that you are willing to change and are taking the necessary steps for doing so” That statement was absolutely right. Building trust is a personal responsibility. But you know that situation when maybe a guy cheats, confesses to his wife and promises not to do it again and means it, and the wife forgives him and they promise to move on. However, she constantly brings… Read more »
Well this should get me into trouble. One and two can go on the side wall. A man has to have dreams, and we are not perfect, no more or less then women are. Three? Over the toilet paper. I personally left mom to become a Marine…I think, comparatively, I can manage life. The tough part about that one is that a woman may just loving too hard (if there is such a thing), trying to actaully be that concerned mother, but …there would be an arrow pointing back to number 2, where I say that they are not perfect… Read more »
Hello DJ,
Your comment was so hilarious, you got me in stitches. I am glad you agree that much with those points you listed. You are so right about the part of being a mother. I think it is an inbuilt thing. But then…knowing how not to overdo it helps a lot.
“Bailing him out of jail when he gets caught in the ladies room!”
Hahahahahahahhhahaha. I’m not with you on that one, lol. They will come for your head, lol
Toby “Men want partners who think that they are very smart ,talented and intelligent….”. Yes Toby,and that is the problem. Most men have an IQ of 95-105, just like most women women. They are NOT VERY intelligent or VERY talented. It is said that person stand to date and chose partner of same intelligence as themselves. But will a woman with an IQ over 120-130 see a man with an IQ over 120-130 as very intelligent .No she Weill simply see him as an equal. So why this deep need to be seen as something more than you really are… Read more »
Sorry about misspellings .
This website has a problem when we try to post something.
“So why this deep need to be seen as something more than you really are” I think it is inbuilt in most men. It all boils down to that wonderful feeling of knowing that your partner respects you. You may not have to be Albert Einstein intelligent, but most of us still want to see that admiration or that expression that shows admiration of the fact that “hey, my partner is smart and all that. His IQ may not be 140, but I usually ask him for advice when I get into a hitch, and his counsels are just spot… Read more »
Toby
Sorry.
I understand the need for respect.
Women like to feel respected as well.
I understand respect, also the respect of a mind.
But I fear what you wrote the first time ,is the truth about some men.
And they do not cope well if the girlfriend or wife is smarter than them, get better grades in college or at the university.
They do not like it ,and sometimes they will try to destroy you when it happens.
Agree, Rose.
As always, there will be some items in an essay that we agree with, and some that we will point out to the writer.
That is one. There are also others in there that I wait until the ladies room is empty, run in, and graffiti all over the walls!
Hello DJ,
“There are also others in there that I wait until the ladies room is empty, run in, and graffiti all over the walls! ” I can imagine that. You are so funny. Which points could you be referring to?
Rosemary, you are completely spot on! I was thinking the exact thing!
“Let’s say we did something that made you lose your trust; please try and build it up. We hate having that feeling that our partner doesn’t trust us.” If you did something that caused your partner to lose trust, then it is up to you to build it up again. If you want to be trusted, you need to be trustworthy.
You are absolutely right Rosemary, but it is also your partner’s choice to decide to trust you or not no matter how much trust you’ve built. Don’t you think?