Your body language makes a bigger impression than your words. Dr. Travis Bradberry identifies 15 poses, gestures, and behaviors that successful people avoid.
___
Our bodies have a language of their own, and their words aren’t always kind. Your body language has likely become an integral part of who you are, to the point where you might not even think about it.
If that’s the case, it’s time to start, because you could be sabotaging your career.
TalentSmart has tested more than a million people and found that the upper echelons of top performance are filled with people who are high in emotional intelligence (90% of top performers, to be exact). These people know the power that unspoken signals have in communication and they monitor their own body language accordingly.
What follows are the 15 most common body language blunders that people make, and emotionally intelligent people are careful to avoid.
1. Slouching is a sign of disrespect. It communicates that you’re bored and have no desire to be where you are. You would never tell your boss, “I don’t understand why I have to listen to you,” but if you slouch, you don’t have to—your body says it for you, loud and clear.
The brain is hardwired to equate power with the amount of space people take up. Standing up straight with your shoulders back is a power position. It maximizes the amount of space you fill. Slouching, on the other hand, is the result of collapsing your form—it takes up less space and projects less power.
Maintaining good posture commands respect and promotes engagement from both ends of the conversation.
2. Exaggerated gestures can imply that you’re stretching the truth. Aim for small, controlled gestures to indicate leadership and confidence, and open gestures—like spreading your arms apart or showing the palms of your hands—to communicate that you have nothing to hide.
3. Watching the clock while talking to someone is a clear sign of disrespect, impatience, and inflated ego. It sends the message that you have better things to do than talk to the person you’re with, and that you’re anxious to leave them.
4. Turning yourself away from others, or not leaning into your conversation, portrays that you are unengaged, uninterested, uncomfortable, and perhaps even distrustful of the person speaking.
Try leaning in towards the person who is speaking and tilt your head slightly as you listen to them speak. This shows the person speaking that they have your complete focus and attention.
5. Crossed arms—and crossed legs, to some degree—are physical barriers that suggest you’re not open to what the other person is saying. Even if you’re smiling or engaged in a pleasant conversation, the other person may get a nagging sense that you’re shutting him or her out.
Even if folding your arms feels comfortable, resist the urge to do so if you want people to see you as open-minded and interested in what they have to say.
6. Inconsistency between your words and your facial expression causes people to sense that something isn’t right and they begin to suspect that you’re trying to deceive them, even if they don’t know exactly why or how.
For example, a nervous smile while rejecting an offer during a negotiation won’t help you get what you want; it will just make the other person feel uneasy about working with you because they’ll assume that you’re up to something.
7. Exaggerated nodding signals anxiety about approval. People may perceive your heavy nods as an attempt to show you agree with or understand something that you actually don’t.
8. Fidgeting with or fixing your hair signals that you’re anxious, over-energized, self-conscious, and distracted. People will perceive you as overly concerned with your physical appearance and not concerned enough with your career.
9. Avoiding eye contact makes it look like you have something to hide, and that arouses suspicion. Lack of eye contact can also indicate a lack of confidence and interest, which you never want to communicate in a business setting.
Looking down as you talk makes it seem like you lack confidence or are self-conscious, causing your words to lose their effect. It’s especially important to keep your eyes level if you’re making complicated or important points.
Sustained eye contact, on the other hand, communicates confidence, leadership, strength, and intelligence. While it is possible to be engaged without direct, constant eye contact, complete negligence will clearly have negative effects on your professional relationships.
10. Eye contact that’s too intense may be perceived as aggressive, or an attempt to dominate. On average, Americans hold eye contact for seven to ten seconds, longer when we’re listening than when we’re talking. The way we break contact sends a message, too. Glancing down communicates submission, while looking to the side projects confidence.
11. Rolling your eyes is a fail-proof way to communicate lack of respect. Fortunately, while it may be a habit, it’s voluntary. You can control it, and it’s worth the effort.
12. Scowling or having a generally unhappy expression sends the message that you’re upset by those around you, even if they have nothing to do with your mood. Scowls turn people away, as they feel judged.
Smiling, however, suggests that you’re open, trustworthy, confident, and friendly. MRI studies have shown that the human brain responds favorably to a person who’s smiling, and this leaves a lasting positive impression.
13. Weak handshakes signal that you lack authority and confidence, while a handshake that is too strong could be perceived as an aggressive attempt at domination, which is just as bad. Adapt your handshake to each person and situation, but make sure it’s always firm.
14. Clenched fists, much like crossed arms and legs, can signal that you’re not open to other people’s points. It can also make you look argumentative and defensive, which will make people nervous about interacting with you.
15. Getting too close. If you stand too close to someone (nearer than one and a half feet), it signals that you have no respect for or understanding of personal space. This will make people very uncomfortable when they’re around you.
Bringing It All Together
Avoiding these body language blunders will help you form stronger relationships, both professionally and personally.
Are there any other blunders I should add to this list? Please share your thoughts in the comments below, as I learn just as much from you as you do from me.
Originally published on LinkedIn.
Photo—Shutterstock
Dr. Travis Bradberry is the award-winning co-author of the #1 bestselling book,Emotional Intelligence 2.0, and the cofounder of TalentSmart, the world’s leading provider of emotional intelligence tests and training, serving more than 75% of Fortune 500 companies. His bestselling books have been translated into 25 languages and are available in more than 150 countries. Dr. Bradberry has written for, or been covered by, Newsweek, BusinessWeek, Fortune, Forbes, Fast Company, Inc., USA Today, The Wall Street Journal, The Washington Post, andThe Harvard Business Review.
This is a pretty good list when considering US norms, but you have to be careful not to apply it equally everywhere, or even with everyone.
Many US immigrants have different modes of expression as a holdover from their home country. For example, I can’t use the same body language with an engineer from Punjab than I would with a salesman from Ohio.
Number 15. Personal space varies with people. Also related to 4. Leaning in to people. Note that: “Personal space is highly variable, and can be due to cultural differences and personal experiences. For example, those living in a densely populated places tend to have a lower expectation of personal space. Residents of India or Japan tend to have a smaller personal space than those in the Mongolian steppe, both in regard to home and individual spaces. Difficulties can be created by failures of intercultural communication due to different expectations of personal space.[1] For a more detailed example, see Body contact… Read more »
“Sustained eye contact communicates confidence, leadership and intelligence…” My doctor is European, which may explain his approach with me…he comes in the room by first gently knocking and peeking his head through the door before coming in…I can see he is carefully gauging the temperature of the room: if there is anxiety or frustration or sadness in the air…if I am sad or apprehensive, he takes a more paternal stance and gently puts his hand on my shoulder to reassure….if I make jokes and make light of the situation, he seems to examine me with his penetrating gaze to see… Read more »
The one thing that is missing in the body language signs is someone who touches you while talking and comes across as too familiar. I had this experience a few times and I find it disrespectful.
Body language matters. Try it once with your good friend or spouse when he or she tells you an intense story. FIrst, start by looking a little bit elsewhere, losing the eye contact, scratch your head, then check your watch, move your posture to other direction and soon you will notice how he or she gets pretty uncomfortable in finishing the story.
By this behavior it’s easy not to get that much support from your colleagues and team, in today’s organizations support is crucial for success.
While the information in this article is valid, it does not all apply equally to men and women. Tilting the head slightly may work for men, but women must be cautious as the same action for them may signal flirting. Strides are being made, though we are not yet in a place where what applies to men applies to women. Such an article would be more helpful if it identified the similarities and differences for successful men and successful women.
I have read the information numerous times about folding arms sends a message of disinterest. I have back problems so when I fold my arms it relieves the discomfort on my back. We need to be cautious of assigning meaning to body language. It is better to inquire about the body language.
It is also better to inquire about body language when it comes to other cultures as well.
All of this my mother would have told me when I was young and the application is truer today. With the focus on social media it is refreshing to see attention paid to the realeast and most important interactions, the personal ones.
Many so called successful people exhibit those poor 15 signs of body language and they really don’t care how people view them as long as they can run roughshod over people and climb their way to the top.
I’m guessing you’re not a successful person yourself, or you’d know exactly how true that’s not. Something just about every single successful person agrees on is “If he’s not nice to the waiter, he’s not a nice person.” And they do base their hiring and firing decisions on this principle.
I’m guessing you have not met successful people who in reality are cunning, ruthless, cruel, rude people until it it too late for you to find out about their true character and you will get no sympathy from me when that happens to you.. They know how to play the body language game very well, and I have been very successful in both my life and career
Brianna’s comment exhibits a fallacious ‘if you’re not that then you don’t or cannot know’ spirit.
It’s elitist and very arrogant to assert such a notion. It’s used very effectively across society to stratify the ‘upper crust’ from the ‘common folk’. Problem is, the more it’s used, the more people believe it.