‘Bumble’ may aim to give power to women, but Tillie Adelson sees it as a boon for men.
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Remember the Sadie Hawkins dance in middle school: where the one time each year, the girls are given the opportunity to ask the boys to be their dates to the dance? Fast-forward to 2015 and you have Bumble: Sadie Hawkins reincarnated (in the form of a swipe right or swipe left dating app, naturally). Created by a disgruntled and still hungry former Tinder employee: Whitney Wolfe, Bumble brings together the user-friendly attributes of Tinder and Hinge. With its similar lay out it creates an easy transition for its users and it’s almost as if Tinder and Hinge never existed (insert wink face emoji!). However, Bumble does have one new feature that makes it a game-changer in the world of app dating: the ladies must reach out to the men within a 24-hour period of matching on the app. The men cannot reach out. With other dating apps, once two people match, either person can start the conversation but here, the woman really has the freedom to decide if their match really is someone with whom they want start a conversation.
With this quirky dating caveat, Bumble is determined to take the control from the men and let the girls have their fun (because girls just wanna have fun, Cyndi Lauper style). (Not to mention the app was created by women so it makes sense with the ethos of the brand.)
Something that I have noticed from dating men is that they typically seem reluctant to make the first move. I think it is because they are nervous about being rejected or shot down …
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Bumble is presenting a whole new ideology around dating and its social norms—which truly changes the dynamic of the initial interaction. Something that I have noticed from dating men is that they typically seem reluctant to make the first move. I think it is because they are nervous about being rejected or shot down—which is a natural feeling everyone encounters as were bumbling along in this dating world (pun intended). So in many ways, aside from giving more control to the women, Bumble is helping to create confidence in men. When it comes to dating or finding a life partner, many women know what they want or if they don’t they do once they meet the right person. But many men don’t have a checklist—or a dream type. So an app like Bumble, is actually relieving men of that initial responsibility to interact and it, in turn, instills confidence in them. With Bumble, men know the woman is interested, because she reached out. However, once the first interaction is made there are no more rules, the men are now fully involved and can chat with the woman as often as they want, they could even ask to meet them in person—gasp!
With Bumble, men know the woman is interested, because she reached out. However, once the first interaction is made there are no more rules, the men are now fully involved and can chat with the woman as often as they want, they could even ask to meet them in person—gasp!
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One feature that Bumble does offer for the men is an extension on a connection. For example, if you match with someone but the lady hasn’t reached out within the 24-hour period, the man then has the option to extend that match. Personally, I am more inclined to reach out to the men who have extended—which is almost waiting to give them back the power of showing interest, but a lot of times it does come down to timing, 24 hours is a short window and when you know you have some extra time it does help you re-think the candidate. The nice part about this feature is that, either way, the woman still gets to decide. I have the power to swipe right (which means I an interested) without the guy immediately reaching out to me. On other apps, such as Tinder or Hinge, if you swipe right the guy can message you if he would like (which isn’t a bad thing) but it does mean you have to be more picky with your swipe right candidates. Bumble allows woman to cast a wider net and easily swipe right.
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So far, Bumble has led to some fun interactions and only 2 dates (it’s early!) but I think the app is on to something here and it truly is changing the dating dynamics between men and women. Men are able to be confident when a woman reaches out to them and thus move faster towards an in-person interaction. Women can swipe right all they want then decide later if they really are interested and want to reach out. It’s a win, win and since everyone knows the rules of the Bumble game, it should alleviate any shyness the women have in terms of being the first to reach out.
So what do you think? Will you try Bumble?
Photo—Damian Gadal/Flickr
Can someone tell me how to contact bumble
Jerry what can I help you with?
Hey Jerry did you try this?☺️
Nice Post!!
This idea is nothing new. It’s been done before. I wrote about a similar company doing the same thing years ago, but it never panned out. I thought it was a cool concept, but I have yet to see a company of this kind last longer than a few years.
I’m mixed about Bumble (being more traditionalist/reactionary/anti-feminist) in the dating scene. I just want to focus on this part. I really think it’s rich that a woman thinks she knows why men will like Bumble. However, I will give credit where credit is due. She’s partially right about rejection. Or rather the constant effort that just simply gets ignored/negated becomes rage fulfilling. Partially because of the sheer number of men outnumbering women on dating sites. (I’m really close to leaving them all includ Bumble). I really don’t think it instills confidence. You may be feel excited that some girl you… Read more »
@Sun I also don’t understand why women feel qualified to speak about men’s experiences. They barely have awareness of their own experiences that is insightful, let alone ours. It’s like a guy talking about the joys of natural childbirth. Oh, and dump online dating. It’s basically shopping for a mate, and if you aren’t off the rack perfect, it’s a waste of time. Hell, if you aren’t a high perceived value male (tall, admirable career, in great shape, well educated at a level higher than the woman, highly masculine to a detrimental point, slightly overconfident, and intelligent) you are pretty… Read more »
@XWhy Online dating is a real killer to everything. It’s worse for men. Because dating is already slanted in women’s favor. I don’t know. I think I’m not that great looking. Others have told me otherwise. My profile barely get any responses. Not tall. It’s just brutal for guys. Nothing annoys me more than girls who say they get dick pics or rude messages…at least they get messages. Do they know what it’s like to read a profile, take time to respond to it by writing a nice message and not get a response back? Times that by ever message… Read more »
The men that this app might make more confident are the men that are already selected by women on a regular basis in real life. They generally do not make good partners and don’t need a confidence boost. So how does this app help women find great partners and help men with great potential be seen by women?
@XWhy,
“So how does this app help women find great partners and help men with great potential be seen by women?”
It will not for the reasons you already mentioned…This app will simply make things easier for the same group of men who already have LOTS of options.
@ Erin @ Lisa Marie I have a suggestion. I understand you get a lot of unsolicited, inappropriate, messages. I don’t want to down play that. I understand it has Lisa Marie feeling that on-line dating is a waste of time. I agree if you’re going to continue spending your time reading unsolicited messages. My suggestion and it seems the suggestion of others is that you disregard the unsolicited messages, identify men you think you might be interested in, compose the thoughtful message that you would want to receive and send it to him. Only open messages from men you… Read more »
That is the obvious answer, and the fact that it doesn’t happen already shows women in general are not willing to make that work. It’s easier to sit back and wait for messages and avoid potential rejection.
Archly
Women are not 100% like men.
While men fear or dislike rejection , women can have different motivations.
You will not understand womens behavior if you think they have the exact same fears as your self ,
The more I look at this aoo, the more it appears to humiliate men. “One feature that Bumble does offer for the men is an extension on a connection. For example, if you match with someone but the lady hasn’t reached out within the 24-hour period, the man then has the option to extend that match.” That’s almost like begging her to reconsider. Sure things could happen. People get busy and she could have missed it, but he doesn’t know that. Why wouldn’t they just giver her a week to decide. Hide the match from him unless she swipes right.… Read more »
“Please Sir, Can I have some more?” comes to mind.
That is a problem indeed. Because you don’t swipe one person, you swipe a whole batch. And then write to the most promising or attractive one. If that fizzles out or gets annoying you write to a different person. Only with this app by that time he will be gone – forever. You’d have to talk to 10 men at the same time and who’s got time for that? Bugger.
Ugh, dude, grow up! If a match not reaching out to you is humiliating then you probably have deeper issues to take care of.
Thank you for writing most everything that I would have, Erin. I have done the online “dating” site thing on and off for some 20 years, in between marriage/relationships, and these set-ups seem to be getting progressively more icky, not to mention expensive, if you choose a for-pay site. I’m sure that there are a handful of lovely men on them, but it is not worth my effort to wade through all of the inappropriate communications. Last time I joined one of these, I ended up with a stalker. Sure, this could have happened IRL, but it’s far less likely,… Read more »
@ Lisa Marie
Course you never mentioned actually making the first move. I think if you want to find someone, you’d have to be willing to do more than swipe right.
John, these entitled, privileged women do not even understand this. I don’t see any discussion of women messaging men first, just complaints that men go for younger women, and other stuff. Seriously, it’s like they expect to just SIT THERE and wait for the men to come to them, as if that is not the definition of entitlement.
@ Archy
That is entitlement. Just like the complaint that I deserve a well thought out message from the man I’m interested in, but shouldn’t be expected to take the time to compose one for him.
They want to put in as little effort as possible online and continue to reap the privileged rewards.
Those women who complain that the men don’t message them first…do they bother sending messages to men they like???
Archy
You seem to like the evolutionary psychology when they say men are most attracted to women in their twenties.
But why are not interested in evolutionary psychology when they tell you what makes women respond to a man?
Is evolutionary psychology only valid and scientific when they talk about what men want and desire but never when they talk about what it takes to make a woman interested in a man as a future mate.
Women are said to respond biologically to attention from men, and their words. Not just one word.
Hi Silke
I think a lot of guys believe in evo-psych when it comes to what women want from men. If I remember correctly Archy has complained on many occasions how difficult it is to date when under employed. Evo-psych says women look for a good provider. If I include a picture of me in my BMW (assuming I had one), I may get a reply back with my hi at least as far as evo-psych is concerned.
I am not so sure that is the best way:)
Lots and lots of men are said to to exactly that in their profile .
Or a picture of their house….
I tend to like those that have a pet in their arms .the animal lovers, preferably with a degree like yours .
Huh? I talk of evo psych as a looose guide to general statistics of who is attracted to what as a potential reason. I do that for both genders.
It’s still entitlement even if it’s based in evo-psych or socialized to sit there and expect partners to come to you.
Call it whatever you like to call it Archy.
The men that approach women are the ones that most often get the girl.
You’re very mistaken. I’m a 25 year old man, and I get messaged by hotties on Bumble every day. I couldn’t be happier for having joined. Now, I’ve never used other dating sites (other than Tinder) but I think the point you’re missing is that that is *entirely the point of Bumble*. It’s a site that is explicitly meant to cater to heteronormative young women (and, with that, exclude older, less desirable men). Needless to say, they represent considerable buying power in the dating market, which is why the company has thrived.
You get messaged by “hotties” everyday huh?! Arn’t you the a lucky one–so from the male perspective, once the “hottie” makes the first interaction, what’s your basis for responding? Also, how often do you extend a match–when a woman hasn’t reached out in a 24 hour period? (Just a few questions from one Bumble “hottie” ; ) ) –Tillie aka the author of this article.
Women already had the power on dating sites, all this does is increase it more. Men outnumber women on the sites quite a bit and men are farrrr less likely to get a response than a woman.
EVERY decent man I know of has quite dating sites completely, they see them as utterly useless and way too much in privileging the women. I don’t think women could get any pickier on the sites, but this sounds like it probably will just help drive even more men away from the sites.
Yes, it always felt super powerful to me when I got messages like this: “wats up” “hi.” “ur hot.” Him: “Can I ask u a question? Me: “Sure, go for it.” Him: “How old where u the first time you had sex?” Me: *thinking to myself* “WTF” “How big r ur boobs?” “How big r ur boobs? They look small.” “Boob pic? Your face doesn’t have to be in it.” “Got a nice ass?” *insert playful emoji here* “I know I’m 50+ and outside your age range but I’m young at heart and told I look young for my age.… Read more »
@ Erin
When men bring up their issues in dating, they are told to change. When women bring up their issues in dating, neb are told to change. In both cases men are asked to do more or give up more. You’re seeing the backlash against that. Men generally don’t have a problem meeting women half way.
“I think that it would have been more open minded had you said something more like, “Hmm, that’s interesting and I didn’t consider that some women may experience those kind of things. Let me share with you my own perspetive on this…” . Instead of the tone of your response that reads to me that you think I’m some kind of idiot that doesn’t deserve to talk about what she’s experienced. ”
-Erin July 9th, 2015
“wats up” “hi.” “ur hot.” And did you bother to talk to people who said this? Being annoyed at someone saying Hi on a dating site, a common way to start a conversation mind you….A bit picky don’t you think? Many guys have messaged 20-50 women with decent messages before getting a single reply, and you’re annoyed at someone saying Hi, or wats up? I could understand annoyance at “ur hot” but being annoyed because a man hasn’t taken the time to write an indepth message sounds like some pretty spoilt behaviour. Especially when you don’t have to spend the… Read more »
Hi Archy Are you sure there are more men than women on dating sites? Maybe it depends on what age group you belong to. I do not think women are annoyed to men that say ” hi” ,and nothing more. But reminder it is not like when you say hi to a person you meet face to face. I am on a pen pals site. I answer every one,out of prisiple but those who say only hi does not trigger any curiously in me,they do not trigger anything, I feel nothing , nothing at It does not work Archy ,online… Read more »
@ Archy, Silke, Erin or everyone..
I came across a couple of pieces about online dating that were quite interesting. Personally, I have never done online dating. But, some 40-50 million people participate…
http://thesocietypages.org/socimages/2015/02/27/what-do-women-want/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+SociologicalImagesSeeingIsBelieving+%28Sociological+Images%3A+Seeing+Is+Believing%29
http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/online-dating-advice-exactly-what-to-say-in-a-first-message/
I’ve messaged 120+, gotten about 5-6 replies and mostly polite rejections at that. Some responded to very short messages, some to indepth ones. It’s very random.
Archly here is what one man without photo did and made me like him a lot…. First he asked if we could chat . That was not a great opening but I was curious and said yes. From that day on he sent me a symbolic gift every morning before he started his work. Fist came music ,then a large online cook book. And of course I told him how pleased I was ,so he continued . The next day a beautiful photo of rose ,and from then on he semi me flowers every day. I love it and asked… Read more »
Did you send him gifts too or is this another 1 way men give gifts to win women’s affections type thing?
@Erin
Are you seriously using the idea that women getting sexually inclined responses as equal to what men have to deal with?! I can’t even. This is why women don’t have a clue. And Feminist have less of one.
Listen, seriously. You don’t have it equal or worse. Just stop. It’s incred triggering.
I think they’ve tried Sadie Hawkins style dating sites before, and I don’t think those sites are around anymore. So, who knows how this will turn out.
Still, I wish them luck.
True. Ever heard of HerWay.com? I think it’s still going. Women have to make the first move there, too. Doesn’t seem to be burning up the internet, though.
I think it’s an interesting concept. I would hide matches from men unless the woman swiped right though. Why bother teasing him if she’s not interested and he can’t do anything about it? I might ,although I haven’t completely thought it out and there are legitimate drawbacks for the woman, go so far as to say force her to make the first interaction by hiding the march until she messages him. Taking the time to compose a message would tell him in no uncertain terms that she is invested.
Sounds like a creative solution to certain problems with online dating. I’ve heard women say that that although they get lots of emails, many are inappropriate and disrespectful. As a man the problem is getting lost in the shuffle, and having to initiate numerous emails to get just one response. And even if she does respond, many women aren’t really into meeting in person. Bumble changes the circumstances of the initial interaction. “Bumble is determined to take the control from the men and let the girls have their fun…” Though control isn’t a word I’d use. Obligation would be my… Read more »
Hi Dave, Thanks for reading my piece and leaving a comment. You make a good point about my usage of the word “control.” I suppose from my perspective it does feel like the men do hold the control but “obligation” is a good alternative. I think women and men both have control but it is quite subjective. It’s interesting that you say that many women arn’t interested in meeting in person, as I see it men will text or chat forever and never ask the woman out–almost as if chatting and texting is just a fun pastime. From either perspective,… Read more »
I all fairness to Ms. Adelson, I’m not sure she is, or was aware of the insidious nature of this app, because on the surface it seems as if it could be a fun change of pace from the usual (also lower the “creep factor” for women). I’d actually recommend it to the many men that I converse with as one more app in their bag, but if they changed two things. First would be if they encouraged women to go all the way. By that I mean, not only initiating the conversation, but the date as well. The women… Read more »
It sounds like a good idea, especially since I’ve been making a strange observation on Tinder: Women basically NEVER initiate writing to a man they have matched, as if it were taboo. In fact, many of them COMPLAIN in their short profile text about men who match you but then don’t write. Like, if you asked them why they haven’t done so themselves they would answer, “What?? Of course not, I’m a LADY, I can’t do that!” (Whatever that means). The downside is: A man will text all kinds of women. A woman will text only the very, very best… Read more »
“A few guys will get all the attention with this app, and all others will get none, I expect.”
Not all that different from real life?
Just like real life, only much more sharply so. Like I tried to say, in real life if you are not so great that she would initiate with you but still good enough that she will answer if you do, then you got a chance. With this app, you don’t.
A strong warning to men. Bumble has quietly added a rating system for men only that can ruin your dating experience if you fail to follow a defined set of standards of placating to their idea of how you should act. it will also enter your facebook account and obtain all of your persona information, friends list, contacts, and location and may make any of it public. Once enrolled they will not remove your information if you leave, but keep it stored on their servers. This is not a healthy app for men, forcing them to, rather then meet a… Read more »