A half-century after Charles Knight was assaulted, he sees good reason for hope that soon this sort of abuse will no longer be tacitly accepted as part of boys’ lives.
I was late that day on my way to the lunch room in high school. The hallway was almost empty. A couple of older boys called me over to where they stood to one side. Suddenly eight other boys emerged from a nearby stairwell and grabbed my arms and legs. Despite my desperate struggle, they overwhelmed me. With my head restrained by many hands, one of the boys, his mouth coated in bright red lipstick, forced his lips to mine and, then for the finishing touch, inserted his tongue. The assembled gang chanted “You know you like it!” followed by “Fag, Fag, Fag…”
The assault didn’t last long, and when it was over I was left alone, very alone, with my anger, my hurt and my humiliation. I was young — only 14 — but I knew two truths: 1) to be singled out as a “fag” by other boys was a deeply shameful thing and 2) there was no adult who I could safely go to for comfort or any kind of support.
As I worked on successive drafts I realized that the incident — and the intense feelings it unleashed — had presented me with a rather profound life choice. I could seek protection from more humiliation and abuse by learning the skills of cruelty and domination, or I could ally myself with others in the struggle against social cruelty and structures of domination.
When the writing group performed our monologues for the community several of the performances recounted incidents of rape. Working in this ensemble for weeks, I learned so well the pain and spirited resilience of these women. I felt humbled and grateful when they assured me that they wanted my story told along with theirs.
The author pictured around the time of the assault, circa 1960. (Courtesy)
I came to understand my experience as an example of an “ordinary” sort of gender abuse. Issues of social position and of identity are highly charged for boys in middle and high school. Some boys take on the role of enforcing gender conformity, in part because of their own insecurity about masculinity. Gender conformity enforcement by peers is always part of the experience of growing up for boys — the incident in which I had a role was just one variant. Most boys are not chosen, as I was that day, to play the part of the designated deviant. Most boys are either bystanders or gang members. Still, we all receive the same lesson: conform to narrow gender performance rules or face humiliation and, very often, violent repression. It doesn’t take long for boys to get this message. This is how deeply internalized structures of dominance and of oppression get passed on from generation to generation.
Feminists and scholars of gender have long pointed to the function of homophobia in regulating the behavior of men and boys. Protection of LGBTQ youth from commonplace abuse in schools also benefits “straight” children, protecting them from gender- conformity assault. Today boys and girls enjoy more freedom to grow into varied expressions of masculinity and femininity.
For boys and men this “liberation” has been a long time coming. Pioneering pro-feminist scholars and activists including Michael Kimmel, Harry Brod and John Stoltenberg began work on masculinities in the 1970s. In 1975 male students in a women’s studies class in Knoxville, Tennessee, organized the first National Conference on Men and Masculinity. During the following decade men and women founded organizations across America explicitly to challenge men’s violence against women. Many of these organizations also offered space for men to explore how they can change their experience of gender and their relationships with the men and women in their lives.
A half century after I suffered, alone, from peer enforcement of gender conformity, I see good reason for hope that soon this sort of abuse will no longer be an ordinary part of boys’ lives. With increasing confidence I look forward to boys enjoying the freedom to grow into men better able to find satisfying relationships with their chosen loved ones as well as with diverse people in their communities.
Originally posted on: http://cognoscenti.wbur.org/
For more background and depth:
For greater depth of understanding of the routine use of homophobic epithets in high school in order to establish male dominance hierarchies and police gender conformity the author recommends Dude You’re a Fag, by C.J. Pascoe.
—Photo Christopher Webb/Flickr
Hi Charles loved your story. It invoked a feeling of protection for me. A sense of school kids hopefully in a more modern world, standing up for equality and protection for all kids. My last boys experience at school six years ago, showed that protection of all regardless of race sexuality etc was the norm. I felt that the world had moved on a bit.