Not beating your woman, but wish you could?
If you’d like to avoid the stigma that goes with abusing your family members, while still reaping the benefits of being king of your domain, check out this modern approach to manhood. Here, we borrow some tips from the power and control wheel of domestic violence, and skipping the outright felonious steps, you, too, can skirt the law, look like a badass, and dish it out like the men of old. Like James Bond! What’s more, it doesn’t matter if you’re whiny and unattractive: men who abuse their wives and girlfriends get the respect and favor that goes along with being a man, automatically, and so can you.
This is domestic abuse for the 21st century, in nine easy steps. Little effort required! No more swinging a thumb’s thickness of hickory for you! We’re modern men, with traditional values. And no more pesky, telltale bruises to show how you whip your household into shape to serve you better. Take that, Double-Oh-Seven!
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Be insecure…. If you don’t take a stand for your right to be a traditional man in your own traditional home, there’ll be nothing sacred left.
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Step one. Be insecure. The world is changing: women are in the workforce, and Mr. Mom’s at home with the kids, making dinner. Where are you, tough guy? Are you ferreting security blankets from the bottom of the laundry hamper for small fry with attachment issues? Or are you banging secretaries, showing up for dinner whenever the hell you feel like it, and, generally, just being a man? If you don’t take a stand for your right to be a traditional man in your own traditional home, there’ll be nothing sacred left. Every man in the new world order will have to fend for himself: make his own sandwiches and learn for himself whether he’s horny or confused or sad—and what to do about it all. There is no alternative to this: liberated women won’t have anything to do with a man like you.
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Don’t wonder how the word “abuse” came to be applied both to people and drugs.
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Step two. Don’t wonder how the word “abuse” came to be applied both to people and drugs. Don’t think about how abusers are capable of using a drug that makes them feel better in the short-term, even while routinely handling their problems in a way that is damaging to themselves in the long-term. You should particularly not consider the ramifications when, instead of a drug, the abused is capable of being victimized, like a wife or a puppy. Instead, continue regarding all non-men as products available for your comfort and pleasure: unfeeling, practically unlimited resources to use as you like. After all, you’ve earned it, just by being you: a man.
If you feel bad, there’s no need to figure out why: all you need to know is what will feel better. If a pill or a smoke won’t help, maybe a woman will. If sex isn’t the answer, you could degrade her until she feels as bad as you do. Won’t that feel good? At least in the short-term! Or you could just throw some pots around or kick a puppy or whatever the heck you want. All I’m saying is, don’t think about it. You might imagine that your inclination to abuse yourself, drugs, women, or all three at once is fueled by a yawning hole in your interior life where your emotional maturity should be, rather than just a fun, macho way to pass the time. And that’s no fun.
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Marry a woman who feels the same way you do about gender roles…. Make sure your woman has been raised to know her place in the home.
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Step three. Marry a woman who feels the same way you do about gender roles. The last thing you need is some uppity woman who’s going to challenge your authority or threaten to leave and support herself. Make sure your woman has been raised to know her place in the home.
It used to be a given that marrying a very young woman would eviscerate any insidious feminist thought. Since there are fewer traditional women in our culture than ever, know where to find those who remain, as well as the men who defend traditional manhood. Seek out workplaces, religions, clubs, and politics that preserve and celebrate man as the head of the family. Consider buying a bride from a really impoverished country, who’ll appreciate everything you do for her. Bro-tip: Whether you’re courting her the old-fashioned way or ordering her from an Internet catalogue, spend extra for a pretty, young, and docile bride: this will practically guarantee the respect of other men.
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Be a loner…. In fact, it might be better if you make your wife a loner, too.
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Step four. Be a loner. Even though you use your wife or girlfriend to comfort you when you’re sad or down on yourself, don’t take her into your confidence. You’re not her friend: she probably has some women-friends to talk to, and you’d better hope they’re the right kind. In fact, it might be better if you make your wife a loner, too.
Don’t listen to anybody else about how to conduct your marriage. A real man would never try to advise you on your private life, unless he thought you were a pussy who couldn’t handle his own affairs. You know what you need to know, innately, the same way your wife knows how to soothe a crying infant. It’s lonely being the only one around who’s right, but that’s your burden as a man. Suck it up.
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Consider emotional skills “women’s work.” You work hard to cultivate a public image of yourself as powerful, self-controlled, and mature.
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Step five. Consider emotional skills “women’s work.” You work hard to cultivate a public image of yourself as powerful, self-controlled, and mature. That’s the real you. At home, in private, you can relax your control. Since your family is an extension of your flesh and ego—part of you, really—whenever you’re with them, you’re effectively by yourself. Express your discomfort as loudly as possible, as soon as you’re aware of it, so your family can rally around you and see to your needs. Don’t even consider that anyone but a woman could possibly comfort you.
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Don’t learn anything about the work women do. Cleaning, cooking, taking care of people around the clock: none of this is natural to you, so it must be a natural trait of women.
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Step six. Don’t learn anything about the work women do. Cleaning, cooking, taking care of people around the clock: none of this is natural to you, so it must be a natural trait of women. It couldn’t possibly be learned, either by women or by men. Go on taking for granted that women want to serve you, live to serve you, and are available to you for that purpose. Don’t think of women as people like you, or their work as work like yours. You’re so obviously, completely different from a woman, you can’t possibly feel the same way about your self-esteem, the regard of others for the job—women? jobs? Ha!—you do, or pride in doing important work well.
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Teach your kids by example…. Make sure little Bobby knows what a woman is for…. Make sure little Susie learns to take her brother Bobby’s shit, so she’ll grow up to be a good wife to her own domineering husband.
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Step seven. Teach your kids by example. Don’t confuse your sons with talk of emotions and relationships. Don’t comfort your little boy if he’s sad or frightened: that’s not your job. Send him to his mother or, if they’re just visiting, to your girlfriend. Make sure little Bobby knows what a woman is for. In addition to comforting you when you’re hurt, make sure your kids know that when you yell at the woman in your life, it’s because she signed up for this. Make sure little Susie learns to take her brother Bobby’s shit, so she’ll grow up to be a good wife to her own domineering husband. It’s important that both you and the mother of your children impose appropriate gender roles on the kids, so if you catch your her interceding on Susie’s behalf in an altercation with her brother, make sure you get right in there and yell at everybody to lay off Bobby already. He’ll thank you for it.
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Take up space. Men are big: bigger than women, and much bigger than children. Men are biggest! Take that, women!
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Step eight. Take up space. Men are big: bigger than women, and much bigger than children. Men are biggest! Take that, women! Sorry, where was I? Sometimes I get caught up in being such a big man. But it’s what makes us the protectors, and you the protected. Men, wherever you go, take the space you need to be a man. And this isn’t only in your home and car, which are both your private, impenetrable spaces for doing whatever you like. This is when you’re out in the world, because abuse only starts at home. Your masculinity, which is rooted in your privilege to abuse, goes wherever you go. Whether it’s to throw some shit, wave and honk at other drivers, or get drunk and make passes at wait staff, do whatever you need to do to express your masculinity. Involve as many people as possible, and take as much time and space to do it as you feel necessary. Remember: this is about you. Whether you’re on the road or at home, it’s up to others to get out of your way or please you better. If it looks like someone’s not going to jump when you say to jump, show them your fists. Let them know you’re not afraid to turn anything into a physical confrontation.
Be willing to hit a woman or even a child, but only if they’re asking for it. And if you go too far, and decide you would like to make amends, make your apology as big as you are. Be grandiose, so she doesn’t forget how much you meant it when you said it. Refer to it the next time she complains, or any time you need to remind her of your generosity of spirit.
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Be loyal to the brotherhood. Make the effort to avoid conflict with other real men…because how another man sees you is infinitely more important than how your wife or children see you.
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Step nine. Be loyal to the brotherhood. Make the effort to avoid conflict with other real men. You need one another’s company and self-regard, because how another man sees you is infinitely more important than how your wife or children see you. Other men, not our wives and children, are the key to our happiness and success, because only men hold power. Remember where the power lies the next time you hear another man say something that sounds bullying, selfish, emotionally immature, violent, or uncivilized toward his wife or girlfriend, and mind your own business. If he’s a real man, he already knows everything he needs to know about being a man, and he can deal with his family as he sees fit. You can safely assume that he’ll figure it out on his own. Don’t think of his family first: the important person in this scenario is the man. Once he figures things out, they’ll be fine. It’s a trickle-down theory of happiness and success, and it’s proven. Look at all of those eons of men subjugating women. Could they all have been wrong? No, they’re men! An even if they were wrong, it still looks pretty awesome for us, anyway. We’re going to have to hold down the fort of traditional marriage together, as brothers, if only so you can still subjugate your own woman while there’s still time.
Remember these easy steps to being abusive, and no one will be able to challenge your God- given authority as a man again. Yes, it’s that easy!
—Photo pasukaru76/Flickr
About Justin Cascio
Wow! I can’t believe how well this article described some men (and I use the term ‘men’ loosely). In a damn funny way too! What makes me laugh is the responses of some of the guys on here, its quite obvious one or more of the nine points have hit home and are clearly embarrassed that a MAN who is obviously secure of himself had the balls to openly state it.
To the person who said female on male crimes of rape and abuse are higher than of males on women – You’re an idiot, and not fooling anyone but yourself. But something tells me you cant even fool yourself with a claim like that. The link you posted led to a page so dodgy looking, I was actually embarrassed for you as you made yourself look like a fool.
Some guys are so desperate to hold on to their king like status above women, they would say anything – not matter how ludicrous it may be.
Lets face it people, None of us can fool each other or ourselves; we all know the truth about the abuse women suffer at the hands of the type of men described above. We all live in the real world and experience it first hand or know of reported stories. We may been brought up in abusive families with fathers who abused our mothers, or maybe you knew of families with abusive fathers – maybe friends or even other family members, We may know of friends or women at work who too often have bruises in places a so call “fall” could not have caused. We all know of religions and cultures that openly admit and condone the abuse of women and children by these so-called god fearing men. The fact that that mothers and fathers are more scared for the safety of their daughter when she goes out late at night because of fear of her being raped out there speaks for itself. I highly doubt any one of you guys (If you have kids) fear that your son will be raped by a woman. Get real!
I have witnessed an incident where the man has hit a women and said she had started it to get a lesser charge, from what the police officer told me this excuse from these wimps seems to be quite popular at the moment, unfortunately for the wimp when witness statements are made and the damage is surveyed its obviously found out that they were lying. Lucky that was a noble male cop, as women also have to face pig-headed male cops who too often have the same thinking as the type of men described above.
We all know too that women also abuse men, but nowhere near as much as men so spare me the bullshit!
On a different note, I always find it funny how some pathetic guys out there use the term ‘feminist’ as if it’s a rude word or something bad. It’s a movement, which aims for equality in the opportunities for women including basic Human Rights. Calling people feminist is like teasing blacks for supporting the Civil Rights Movement. WTF??
There will always be a backlash, remember. Don’t discredit them entirely, though. Though sometimes misguided, opponents can often become the best allies. Whether it be through finding out what most bothers them (and strengthening your point as to why they’re incorrect) or helping them dig deeper into their own standing. I view every info-slinging ‘MRA soldier’ as someone with high potential – if tempered – to be an agent of change for good. They’re simply not on the best path yet.
I’m male, and a novice into feminism. I hope to someday be able to offer more insight on topics like this. (Side note, remember: comparing gender and race politics is a powder keg!)
Rene, don’t do that
We have a lot of black males in the mens movement that are quite annoyed by privileged white feminist women that use black people and slavery as a rhetorical trick and to score points.
Comparing white girl feminism and the civil rights movement is a blatant false equivalence. Most women chose gender roles, nobody chooses slavery.
I think you’re reading too much into the rhetoric Ron. She is simply pointing out labels placed on certain groups which are made derogatory for one’s own agenda, similar to calling females “slut” for example. By the way, the world is changing…gender roles are changing too.
Fighting for equal rights (which is the basis of feminism) and voice in this male-dominated world – why does that threaten some men? Likewise, fighting to be freed from slavery – why did that threatened some men? Is this world not big enough to be shared???
Taylor
Its routine rhetoric for privileged white feminists to ride on the victimhood coat tails of black people. And feminism is not about equal rights anymore, its about advocacy for women with no end point or upper limit.
Ron,
I don’t understand the race card you keep bringing up about riding on coat-tails of blacks. As I mentioned already I did not grow up in America, nor did I live in the original feminist movement which you’ve been damning so much. I’m of a different generation, I was uninfluenced by any American History or Black History or so called Feminist movement – I grew up half way around the world. You need to understand and be smart enough to know that feminists are not inclusive to America…they exist wherever there is injustice…and people migrant and emigrant to and from different parts of the world, bringing varied experiences; perspectives and backgrounds. You can’t play that race card anymore…it is irrelevant.
I believe most women who know oppression and have experienced injustice in their lives, whether as little girls or have watched female family members or someone they know struggle with their identity and roles and what’s expected by societal norms – and depending how frequently these incidents happen – THEY WILL start questioning the world they live in, THEY WILL want answers, THEY WILL demand change. The naivety will be shed and the female becomes self-aware… transformed. Perhaps they come out jaded and wonder how life may have been different/easier had they been born a male.
Ron, sorry you are annoyed by privileged white feminist women, but I disagree with your perspective. Comparing feminist issues to slavery is neither rhetorical or exploitive – some of us simply identify with (race-related) civil rights issues because we can identify with being disenfranchised and marginalized. (This also goes for LGBT and other social justice issues.)
It’s not “a blatant false equivalence” because most women did NOT choose our gender roles – we had our roles forced upon us. For example, in high school I wanted to take a music program (play guitar) but my counselors insisted I take typing because I “needed it more” (they actually said I could fall back on secretarial work). This wasn’t the 50s or 60s, it was freakin’ 1985. Another example, as a waitress in 1989, was being told I had to wear more makeup and high heels (I protested and won that battle, but had the benefit of working in a club where the supervisor supported me against upper management).
Also (historical racial issues aside), some of us aren’t so ‘privileged’ – I grew up in a middle-class household, but with an abusive stepfather (who was a cop), so decided to move out when I was 16, and had to quit school to work to pay the rent. While I did “choose” to do both, I really don’t see either as having been much of a choice, given my circumstances at home. Anyway, I believed if I busted my ass in the bars (and I did, for 16 years) that I would earn some respect and security, but nope – female waitresses and bartenders were still just seen as ‘servants’. I did eventually go back to school and get a design & illustration diploma, but at 42 now, I’m still low-income & struggling. I’m really no more more privileged than I am willing to try and land a rich guy to support me. Please don’t paint us all with the same broad stroke. Feminists are not the enemy.
Lyn
Have a read of what some of the other feminists here are saying about men. Most feminists and feminist doctrinal hatred, is the enemy.
Eric,
Not to quibble, but:
“The 15th amendment in 1870 gave black men the right to vote first. Women got the right to vote in 1919, a half century later.
Even though former female, white abolitionists had organized and fought diligently alongside black male and black female abolitionists, several famous black male abolitionists abandoned the suffragettes in order to achieve their vote first. This caused a falling out between the two groups. Ultimately, black women, white women, and all women including those who had fought for abolition all had to wait a half century before getting the right to vote. Many black and white female abolitionists died before any woman was given the right to vote which was a disappointment to them for the rest of their lives.
Similarly, black men held office for the first time right after the Civil War while women of all ethnicities’ political opportunities, right to have property, and rights to divorce took decades longer to achieve than that of black men. The 14th and 15th amendments deliberately included language that would keep women of any ethnicity from enhanced rights.”
I do understand that black people were discouraged (sometimes violently) from exercising their right to vote, up to the 60′s. Voter intimidation counts. This I know. I think that is the point you were making.
This article was mildly amusing but ridiculously heavy-handed. Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t know any men like this. I’m sure a lot of it was hyperbole to prove a point, but I just don’t think this is a huge problem because I truly only a microscopic number of men actually fall into the category described in the piece.
And really, honking at other drivers and swearing in traffic is bad? I don’t think that’s something specific to men. As I said, this was a little much.
Maybe you should look in the mirror?
I’ve read your posts before, and you seriously have a case of the ‘I am man; hear me and obey’ mentality. You act as though what you proclaim is ‘truth’… when in fact it’s just your opinion. And you do all you can to minimize other’s experiences or automatically discredit what they say if it doesn’t jive with your POV. You are very egotistical and often dismiss other’s posts without thought or concern.
You might *be* this guy.
So, if any critics arise it has to be the critic that’s f’d up and not the author’s ridiculous baiting article?
I’ll remember that next time I see a feminist criticising an article that puts down women.
The traits I point out in this article are not exclusive to men, and women can also be abusers: even rapists and murderers. Bu this article is directed at men, and is about the traits that our society nurtures in men that stunt their development and block their access to the tools they need for self-actualization.
Sorry to butt in, but hopefully you can clarify something for me. On the one hand, you state that this article “…Is about the traits that our society nurtures in men.” At the same time, in point three, you suggest that one these traits is the the desire to “Marry a woman who feels the same way you do about gender roles.”
Am I correct in thinking that you are implying that seeking a partner with an agreeable outlook on gender roles is undesirable? Only that rather strikes me as – irrespective of what the outlook in question actually is – a small but essential component for a working marriage.
I would also like to ask as to why you included the reference to the rule of thumb in your second paragraph; I found the inclusion of this puzzling, but suspect you may have a particular point in mind that I have unfortunately failed to grasp.
Thanks for your time,
~ DTE
Since this advice is given (satirically) to would-be abusers, I include the advice to seek a woman who will agree with you on a woman’s place and a man’s place. Having the same values reduces friction: this is not an unalloyed “good thing.” I would not go out of my way to advise a more egalitarian person to seek similar beliefs about gender, on the grounds that difference of opinion may positively broaden one or both people involved.
Regarding the hickory stick: Since the core of my argument is that the masculine values I put forth here are sustained by cultural values, I referred to the ancient “rule of thumb,” which applies to the thickness of a stick with which a man might lawfully beat his wife. This law never actually existed, yet it has been used in courts of law to excuse spousal abuse.
Justin,
Many thanks for the swift reply, and for clarifying matters. As a small point, I suggest that it may be in your interest to add a footnote to the original article regarding the rule of thumb; while I understand your intent, I think others may also be confused on account of the province (or lack thereof) of said rule.
Thanks again,
~ DTE
can you maybe give me some pointers to those cases of spousal abuse? they are very relevant to a paper i am writing at the mo. much thx
Ron Says:
“Rene, don’t do that
We have a lot of black males in the mens movement that are quite annoyed by privileged white feminist women that use black people and slavery as a rhetorical trick and to score points.
Comparing white girl feminism and the civil rights movement is a blatant false equivalence. Most women chose gender roles, nobody chooses slavery.”
Hi Ron, I am actually a black female and just like Taylor I am not from America; I am actually from Australia, so spare me the privileged white women stuff. I think you make up things as you go along, as you don’t have much of an argument, hanging on to chosen words from a post and twisting it is all that you’ve got.
Also don’t pretend as if you don’t understand my comparison of Feminism and the Civil Rights Movement as I meant both fight for Human Rights. Color has nothing got to do with my comparison and you know that.
As for some Black Males being annoyed at white feminists for using the slavery example – news flash honey, there not annoyed at that, as there is nothing to be annoyed at – its an example. What they are annoyed at are women wanting equal rights. No matter what color Black, White or Yellow, Sexist Men can be found everywhere and in all colors, Religions and Cultures – Some cultures even more than others, and I know this through experience.
And to Both Ron and Burge, What is it about the above article that you feel is about feminists hating on Men? Even more so, why do you think feminists hate men? The above is 9 points describing abusive men, why should women love these type of people? If the above article were describing 9 points that profile pedophiles would you be here babbling about people hating on them? If this were an article that profiled certain racist white people – would you also comment on how blacks are hating on them? My point is same shit different smell.
(And Ron these are more EXAMPLES – don’t go twisting words now).
The whole point of this article was to point out or profile abusive and sexist men. If that offends you, it means you see points here that describe you. Simple. Learn to be stronger men; i am sure this site can help you with your journey.
The men who have issue with this article are probably *that guy*…
They read the article about ‘abusers’ and then they thought it was man hating. *They* are the ones who equate abusive, boorish, violent, awful behavior with manhood. They have some stake in associating those things.
If they didn’t display these characteristics themselves, they would not be offended. No where in the article does it say all men engage in this… NO WHERE. But they took it as an affront to all men? Why? Because they believe these things to be true about men, that it’s their right to be abusive, and fugg anyone who wants to confront them about it.
They cannot conceive of men who are peaceful, not hateful, not egotistical, not woman-hating, not threatened by feminism…
Well, I read the article. I found it to be a poorly thought out, somewhat offensive, and childish rant against a stereotypical boogieman. In my opinion, this is a merely a polemic piece designed to whip up people who hold negatively biased views of men, The writer is a cheerleader.
However, I do not, nor have I ever abused my wife. We’ve been married for 11 years, have 3 kids and have mutually supported each other through numerous tough times (death of a parent, mental illness of a parent, nearly lost a child, job loss etc…) We are partners. We respect each other.
My problems with feminism are pretty straight forward- from what I see, read and experience, feminism is about advantage by any means necessary. The dictionary definition is irrelevant; I believe actions not words. If feminism was actually concerned with equality you would NEVER hear “go build your own shelters! (for abused men)” Most of what I hear from modern day feminists doesnt jibe with credible research or my lived experience.
I agree. I read the article and was stunned to find that I know quite a few men who are “that guy.”
It was a little disappointing, I will admit, to see how many people read this article and assumed I was talking about all men in this hyperbolic description of a traditional male who uses his masculine privileges to abuse. Even one of my close friends was unable to make that distinction.
One essay and one author are insufficient to the task of eradicating domestic abuse, or the patriarchy. It will take many different kinds of messages and epiphanies for all of us as individuals to change our world.
I read the article in hopes of learning something that might improve my (already very good) relationship with my wife. I thought the writer might have some interesting research or a new look at relationship dynamics that I could learn from.
I was quite disappointed to find nothing insightful or remotely interesting. This article was insulting, angry and built off of stereotypes. The commentary is equally insulting. I especially like the people who tell me I must be an abuser if I didnt like the article- how charming.
The author has no expertise or experience (from his bio) that gives him any credibility in the subject in the way it was written. Surely GMP could have asked a researcher, a relationship expert, a marriage counselor, or even a husband or wife with particularly evocative voice. Perhaps I should write an article on the properties of the higgs boson in particle physics for Scientific American? I’m just as qualified.
Did you read the title: “How to Abuse your wife without really trying”? If you’re relationship is above that, read this for what it’s worth and move on…what’s the big deal? There is a lot of irony in the way you’re reacting.
Let’s say this article was called “Learning to tie your shoes, in 3 easy steps”…but by golly you’re such a big man now, you scream “Hell, yeah I know how to do that already! I learned that 10 years ago. This stuff is child’s play…Mickey Mouse! Stop insulting my intelligence!!!”. CW, you’re relationship may be at a more loving, aware and advanced stage than other people’s; and although there may not be anything new for you to learn here, this does not discount the article’s usefulness to other men who are not quite at the emotionally loving and aware stages of their relationship yet. This article is a wake up call for them.
In my lifetime, I have either experienced or observed all NINE of the examples laid out in this article. These issues are real life issues…and they are indeed serious problems in relationships and society. Being in denial won’t help us cross this bridge. Some people may be so “privileged” or sheltered from these situations that they can’t fathom their existence…your reality may not be someone’s reality until you’ve lived in their shoes! So let’s be rational and compassionate about all of this.
CW says:
“I read the article in hopes of learning something that might improve my (already very good) relationship with my wife”
You read an article which was titled “How to Abuse your wife without really trying” to help improve your so called “already very good” relationship with you wife? LOL somethings not right there…..
Wow. The guy who wrote this must be full of self loathing. I know lots of men and a few even validate some of the stereotypes here, but I can guarantee you none of them validate most of them. This is almost like a parody of an abuser, of “toxic masculinity” and it has about as much relevance to most men’s lives as Dancing With the Stars.
I thought the article was very good. I move in progressive circles, but I still know quite a few men who are “that guy.”
I would like the author to write an article that showed more subtle forms of male chauvinism. The title would be something like “Nice guys who don’t mean to be male chauvinistic, but still make sexist remarks and get defensive when called out on them.”
Taylor wrote some very good posts, but I am so distressed by all the defensive, abusive, anti-feminist responses. Good men do not hate the feminist movement.
Oh wow. I get that you are trying to be satirical, that this was supposed to be a joke about patriarchy and the abuse of power and control…but I think it drastically misses the mark. Effective satire needs to offer an alternative, it needs to be very clear what message it is truly endorsing. This simply trots out awful stereotypes with wildy triggering abuse descriptions. You just said a whole bunch of horrible shit, and then that was it. There was no message, was no learning, was no alternative, there was no support given to how to exemplify true equality. I find this in no way funny or comical at all. I feel that this is not helping the situation, and is actually making it worse. I appreciate your contempt of abuse and the injustice of patriarchy, but I really don’t think a 1000-word wife-beater joke is the way to go about dismantling it.
To offer a piece of advice penned by Melissaw McEwan (edited slightly): “Ask yourself, who is more likely to be made to feel comfortable around me based on whatever I’m about to say/do? [Abuse] survivors? Or [abusers]? Who is more likely to be made to feel uncomfortable? If you’re doing something that is more likely to make [abusers] feel comfortable and/or [abuse] survivors feel uncomfortable, then don’t do it! ”
I think this piece fails the test.
An article for women who hate men, to help them keep hating men. That’s all it’s good for.
you are in part correct…but let’s be a little honest and succinct. It is those behaviors and attitudes of some men which women “hate” and rightly so; and if you are a real man, equal rights proponent and an empathetic human being, you would also “hate” those types of behaviors which hold women back in society.
This has become a man vs. woman gender battle zone and people’s egos are involved. Remove all references of gender and remove all the layers of angst and blame…and what the intent of this article comes down to is —- FOR PEOPLE TO DO WHAT IS RIGHT. Any person of reasonable intelligent would know that “bullying” is wrong; bullying isn’t always physical either. Children are even taught that. The article is simply encouraging, whether it is men or women, or a kangaroo…to act and do what is “right”. We must first recognize the wrongs in society in order to contemplate a solution and move forward for change. To evolve as human species…we must constantly adapt and move forward. We cannot be stuck in old, selfish ways and doctrines.
The article is about abusers. You made it about ‘men’… so in your mind, you must believe men are abusers. Strange, no?
It’s agitprop. That seems to be pretty much all this site is good for. “The Good Men”, project?
More like the “Castrated Self Loathing Eunich” Project.
Actually, the point of this opeice is that men, and only men, have either a radioactive isotope inside them waiting to turn them into monsters OR are so susceptible to external influences that they must, with every fiber of their being, fight the urge to smack their woman around. It’s generalized and offensive. The writer is writing about “sociopaths” here, not “men.”
the author has highlighted 9 key examples…yes if you fit all nine, that could make you a sociopath; however i’m sure there are one, two or three examples that some men can identify they’ve been guilty of doing; and may not have been aware of them until reading this article… because those behaviors are wired into their being from childhood.
You are fortunate if you have been raised in a well balanced and loving family environment with parents who treated you with respect and dignity, regardless of gender. Most people living in this world can only dream of this. Open your heart and eyes.
Burge, you entirely miss the sarcasm in the writing. Read it again… carefully. If you have any reading comprehension skills whatsoever, you will come away from the article thinking that indeed men are not inherent abusers but it’s something they put on or are socialized into, by their fathers and peers.
It’s just your typical feminist man-hating stereotype drivel.
But, extending your logic, this article would have us believe that ONLY males raised in bad households have to worry about the affects of said environment. It’s just silly.
Taylor
The article about sociopaths, they make up a tiny % of the population but ignorant women like you like to pretend that they make up 49%.
It is well known that adolescent male and females, as well as adults, exhibit different coping skills to deal with problems such as a troubled family environment, relationships etc. For most females, they appear to have better coping skills – they are more likely to seek help, build a network of supportive friends or they may altogether just internalize their problems and these just become passive depression episodes.
Whereas males tend to externalize their problems and emotions through aggression, drugs, abuse what not…and less likely to seek the support they need. Without the proper management of their emotions, proper role models and support, these males may carry these issues for the rest of their lives and implicate others along the way in a pattern and varying degrees of destructiveness.
Just look at who’s behind all the school shootings, riots…flash mobs of robberies….Some of these hooligans are from wealthy households mind you, and that tells you money doesn’t buy morals, values or class.
Burge: No, not at all… but this article is on a men’s website and is directed at men.
Women who are abused by their fathers grow up to have entirely different problems, usually associating abusive behavior with love… or suffering from low self esteem, etc.
You’re kind of pathetic.
Truth is pathetic I know!
it makes some wanna hurl….ah well…someone had to take the blind folds off ignorant men.
Finally your true colors are showing.
Taylor is of the same type that was spreading Black Brute propaganda circa Jim Crow. These days its just Male Brute propaganda.
Hey…I’m only relaying information that’s already been broadcast by the media, stats and surveys, doctors and professionals. You actually have a problem with them. Go boycott and register your grievances there.
I’m not presenting anything new…get real.
I think you’re missing the point…this article wasn’t written to identify sociopaths. I don’t think the author is a doctor or qualified to do that.
Look at the bigger picture…instead of tunnel vision. The article has presented some 9 examples of problematic situations, and whether you identify with them or not doesn’t matter. Who said the author wrote it just for your reading pleasure and lambasting? I’m sure this article is beneficial to other men (target audience) who’s not on here posting, whining and crying foul.
No, its based on feminism’s hateful doctrine on domestic violence and men. You think that an article based on sociopathic behavior applies to and is of benefit to men in general because that’s how you see men because of the hateful doctrine you believe in.
Also you are erasing the most active family abusers, which are women.
Ron,
That is a humorous response. I sense a lot of hatred on your end…touchy….and I love your sarcasm, but unlike this article’s sarcasm, yours lie in deceit. You come across as a misogynist.
We need to condemn all forms of violence. Can we agree with that and end there?
No Taylor, I don’t hate women, I have a strong dislike of people that preach feminist doctrinal hatred and view men in general as sociopaths, regardless of their gender.
As for the alleged deceit, all the research on family violence, baring the convoluted advocacy research that is produced by feminist “academia” points to women are the main family abusers, so you have been deceived, but not by me.
I can back up my position with 100s of studies like this one ..
“RESEARCH AND PRACTICE
Differences in Frequency of Violence and Reported Injury Between Relationships With Reciprocal and Nonreciprocal Intimate Partner Violence
Daniel J. Whitaker, PhD, Tadesse Haileyesus, MS, Monica Swahn, PhD and Linda S. Saltzman, PhD
At the time of this study, Daniel J. Whitaker and Linda S. Saltzman were with the Division of Violence Prevention, National Center for Injury Prevention and Control, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, Atlanta, Ga. Tadesse Haileyesus is with the Office of Statistics and Programming, National Center for Injury Prevention and Control. Monica Swahn is with the Office on Smoking and Health, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
Results. Almost 24% of all relationships had some violence, and half (49.7%) of those were reciprocally violent. In nonreciprocally violent relationships, women were the perpetrators in more than 70% of the cases. Reciprocity was associated with more frequent violence among women (adjusted odds ratio [AOR]=2.3; 95% confidence interval [CI]=1.9, 2.8), but not men (AOR=1.26; 95% CI=0.9, 1.7). Regarding injury, men were more likely to inflict injury than were women (AOR=1.3; 95% CI=1.1, 1.5), and reciprocal intimate partner violence was associated with greater injury than was nonreciprocal intimate partner violence regardless of the gender of the perpetrator (AOR=4.4; 95% CI=3.6, 5.5).
Conclusions. The context of the violence (reciprocal vs nonreciprocal) is a strong predictor of reported injury. Prevention approaches that address the escalation of partner violence may be needed to address reciprocal violence.”
http://ajph.aphapublications.org/cgi/content/abstract/97/5/941
Where as you are only armed with prejudice and misinformation.
http://kcmanup.blogspot.com/2008/05/why-are-men-so-violent.html
Why are men so violent?
I have been engaging in an ongoing conversation with a friend about violence and men and he flat out asked, “Why are men so violent?” The question became a springboard for a greater dialogue with my friend and others and I thought it would be an interesting post to our Blog. So, with his permission, we are putting this question out here and creating space for some open dialogue. We would be interested in hearing what you think or how you would respond to such a question and ask that you would participate in our dialogue by posting in the comments section.
If you think this is an unfair question, consider a small sample of the overwhelming stats that validate the need to ask this question…
*Nearly one-third of American women (31 percent) report being physically or sexually abused by a husband or boyfriend at some point in their lives, according to a 1998 Commonwealth Fund survey.[The Commonwealth Fund, Health Concerns Across a Woman’s Lifespan: 1998 Survey of Women’s Health, May 1999]
*99.8% of the people in prison convicted of rape are men.
[National Crime Statistics]
*The majority of victims of men’s violence are other men (76% Males, 24% Females).
[U.S. Department of Justice, Bureau of Justic Statistics]
*Forty percent of girls age 14 to 17 report knowing someone their age who has been hit or beaten by a boyfriend.[Children Now/Kaiser Permanente poll, December 1995]
*A nationwide survey found male students more likely to have been involved in a physical fight than female students in the 12 months preceding the survey.[http://www.4woman.gov/mens/violence/]
*In 2003 men 15-19 years of age were more than four times as likely to die from suicides as girls their same age.
[http://www.4woman.gov/mens/violence]
*Of all the homicides reported in the 18 to 24 age group in 2004, 86 percent of the victims were males.[http://www.4woman.gov/mens/violence]
It begs the question, “Why are men so violent?”
And yet during my entire lifetime i have NEVER EVER witnessed or even heard of any woman i know of to abuse a man, Men abusing women on the other hand i have seen so many times i lost count. Not that im saying it dosent happen, im sure women do abuse men – but lets face it its quiet rare. The fact that most women here have drawn cases from personal experiences and the guys like you who do not have a personal story to tell speaks for itself. (I have a feeling you will make one up now.. dont forget the dragons)
There would not be a feminist movement if this was not an issue. Let go of it already Ron, you will never convince women who have experience (which is most women) that there is not a problem. You will also never convince their children who have also experienced it that their is not a problem.
Makes me wonder how accurate that information really is and how they gather that, and who reports these facts. Pig- Headed cops who display the above 9 points and believe women should be treated a certain way? You would be surprised how reports can be twisted by cops, majority of cops are mainly males – well in Australia anyway.
Sexism is so deeply rooted into society, i wonder if people will ever be cured of this mental illness. Makes me sad.
“It begs the question, “Why are men so violent?””
Perhaps to you because you are a a bigot.
By your reasoning, because most of those men are black, it begs the question “Why are black men so violent”.
Men or black men in general aren’t violent, violent criminals are violent, people with personality disorders are violent. But you conflate these men with all men because you are a feminist bigot.
Also, showing some convoluted one-sided stat. on DV is dishonest, because women are more likely to be the domestic abuser.
Rape stats are equally irrelevant, a small % of the population are sex criminals, sex criminals not men in general as you imply, and sex criminals come on both genders, but one gender of sex criminal flies under the radar.
Outside of personality disorders another strong predictor of adult anti-social behaviour/violence is child abuse, and women are more likely to abuse children than men are.
In short, men in general are no more violent than black men are or women in general are child abuses, or gay men are aids, or lesbians are fat …
Shorter again, you are a bigot whose arguments are as weak as any other bigots.
Correction – Its Abusive Man Profiling. Anyone who likes the type of people described above, needs help better yet a self esteem check.
Responding to several of your comments at once, Ramie, to say that I agree with you that we all must strive for integrity, to live up to our own values, regardless of gender. We do have different genders, among other differences, and they’re reflected in how we behave and believe, including how we experience our own victimization and how we abuse others in turn. The cycle of abuse means there are no simple dichotomies like “victim” and “abuser.”