This dad didn’t know his two-year-old was capable of such a question, let alone the language to ask it.
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We all have hopes and dreams for our children. For most of us, they involve wanting our kids to be happy, healthy, and fully expressed human beings. How do we do this? The answer, I think is actually quite simple, but requires us to put down our cell phones, look in our child’s eyes more often, and connect with them.
They are little human beings craving our attention, and they know when we’re not being present or fully engaged. You have the power to shape and influence their reality on a daily basis. By paying attention to everyday, ordinary experiences we share with them, we’re able to turn the everyday mundane experiences into teachable moments. These opportunities to prepare our children to be happy, successful, create good relationships, and feel content with who they are.
I often get lost in my head; thinking about my day. Then, my two year old will bring my world to a halt, and ground me with questions like, “Papa, when will I die? When will I go to heaven?” Now, you’re probably wondering, why would a two-year-old ask such a question? Let me backtrack and explain how we got there.
My child is curious and inquisitive (as I’m sure most two-year-olds are) and is blessed with a gift for language. During our outing to the museum, I opened the rear passenger door to take my child out of his car seat, but it’s normal for him to take his time, look around, and stall before exiting the car. Meanwhile, cars are zooming past me while my passenger side door is open. I told my son, “We need to hurry, Papa is in the street and doesn’t want a car to crash into him and hurt him, then he has to go to heaven.” My son looks at me, realizes the gravity of what I’m saying, and then races over to me and we exit the car and run to the sidewalk.
After playing in the museum for about an hour, we exit and run outside for a bit to burn off some excess energy. During this time period, my child asked me all sorts of questions, mostly which begin with “Why this…” and “Why that…” and “But why…?”
As we casually cross the street, and walk back to our car, my son hits me with the question, “Papa, when will die?”
My immediate reaction is to jump back into my head, and think of some head-based, intellectual answer. Had I just responded from my head, the answer would have probably looked like, “I don’t know, one day,” or “I don’t know, ask your mom.” As my mind wheels around searching for an answer, I realize that is the wrong response. I take a breath, and breathe into my heart, a simple technique I use to attain “instant presence.” At that moment, I was overwhelmed with love and appreciation for my son’s curiosity, inquisitive nature, innocence and gentleness. Now I was ready to answer that question. I explained to him that he is little right now, and still needs to grow up and be big like his dad. Later, he will get bigger and older like his two grandpas, and then much, much later, he will go into the heavens.
But right now, he is a little boy who is going to live for a long, long time.
I think my son was satisfied with my answer, because he didn’t respond with any follow-up questions. Instead, his curious mind wandered, and he asked me, “Papa what’s that?” pointing to a metal trellis hanging before the entrance to a garden. I laughed to myself, as the journey of being a parent continued along with the never ending questions.
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Photo: Getty Images
And thank you for sharing this!