No, I don’t need to “man up” or “grow a pair.” Don’t tell me to “be a man,” because I already am.
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I first discovered I was allowed to share my experience on being a man openly and with the strength of vulnerability which from honesty, softly spoken and clearly articulated when visiting The Southbank Centre one day last winter. There was a throng gathered in the main foyer of The Royal Festival Hall and each floor stocked another few hundred young men, boys, children and seniors, all heralding their pride and discussing issues of manhood quite openly and apparently without any fear of recrimination from their other halves whatsoever.
Up till that point, I had only really believed that minorities and marginalized groups had a right to a public voice, and rightly so.
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As I wondered around, sheepishly at first, just in case it was all an elaborate ruse designed to trick me into being honest and saying something less politically correct. I couldn’t help peering in where crowded doorways acted as conduits for yet more males of varying shapes, sizes and ages. Corners held gaggles of teenagers discussing weighty issues along the festival’s weekend theme. I had unknowingly stumbled on the ‘Being a Man’ festival held yearly at The Southbank Centre.
Celebrities and Joe Public jostled for standing room where short films, conferences, live radio debates and performances of all kinds were underway. Up till that point, I had only really believed that minorities and marginalized groups had a right to a public voice, and rightly so. I am increasingly proud of the city I live in, and indeed this country for leading the way in equality, diversity and the platform it gives to unheard voices. And yet in this multi-story cultural centre on London’s artsy riverside, thousands of men were gathered to talk about, well … being a man.
Now that, I thought, is a real man.
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It was on arriving back home having listened to what were some of the most inspiring words I had ever heard from men of all ages including emotionally intelligent teenage boys who knew who they were, what they were up against and were ready to discuss it, even in front of teenage girls. Now that, I thought, is a real man.
Having listened, digested and processed what I’d heard, being a poet and a film-maker, I wrote a poem and put it to a short film. I’d like to leave you with the poem and a recommendation that any man look out for the next ‘BAM’ festival.
I am a man
I am a man
I do not need to ‘man up’
Because I am already man enough
Whether I’m gay, straight, camp, asexual Metrosexual or random and contextual
I am a man
I am a man
I do not need to ‘grow a pair’
I already have two balls and a penis
Whether it’s an inch a foot
Or as big as Mars or Venus
I am a man
I am a man
I don’t need any more money
Than I already have
To be good enough for a woman
It won’t make me any more devoted to you
Than I already am
Nor will it make my heart ache less
At the thought of losing you
Yes I have a heart and I feel and I cry and still
I am a man
I am a man
I don’t need to be stronger than your ex
Or better looking than Posh or Becks
I don’t need to be as popular as Kanye West
Or have pecs that bulge out of my skin-tight vest
When I don’t meet your expectations
Of what Hollywood and the daily mail
Tells you a man ‘should’ be
Don’t tell me to ‘be a man’
Because I already am
Even if I had no legs
And you had to wheel me around in a chair
With people staring
As you feed me
Because I could not feed myself
It would be tough
But I would still be man enough
I am a man
I’m allowed to cry
I’m allowed to be strong
Vulnerable confused
I’m allowed to be wrong
If I don’t know I’m allowed to ask
And I have absolutely no problem multi-tasking
The biggest killer of boys and men
Is suicide
Because we have to force it back down inside
Because it’s not ‘masculine’
To do anything but shut up and provide
The cause of violence is enforced silence
So when that boy shows emotion
Don’t act on your notion
To tell him to man up grow a pair
Or be a man
That little boy doesn’t need to be tough
He’s already man enough
What if you as a woman are the same as me?
With the same ridiculous insecurities
As the rest of the population
Needing self-esteem and validation
What if apart from my penis and your vagina
We are the same with different names
Underneath the skin were both living in
What if we are both as mindless anxious and nutty
As each other?
You wanting security inside
Me wanting a good mother for my child
What if we don’t need to understand each other?
What if all we need is to accept each other
Tenderly love, communicate
And embrace each other
Even when I think you’re being a twat
And you’re aiming at my balls
With my own cricket bat
What if all we need is each other?
Because no matter what who how or why you are
I love and accept you with all your flaws and foibles
From now until you lose your marbles because
You are a woman
And I
I am a man
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Photo: Pixabay
That was a very good poem Paul. Pretty much sums it up for being the man you want to be rather what everyone else tells you you are to be. Thanks for sharing this.