I Hate Fancy Beer, and So Do You

Remember when there were only five kinds of beer and they all tasted the same?

It’s time to admit it. You hate the beer you drink today. You know you do. It looks and tastes like a loaf of pumpernickel and has as many calories.

Magic such-and-such. Brewed in Brooklyn. Raspberry notes.

How’s this for raspberries? Yellow, fizzy and brewed in Milwaukee. I want a beer in a can so cold I have to guzzle it just to get the feeling back in my hand.

There was Budweiser and there was Miller. The King and the High Life. If you lived in the west, there was Coors, which easterners thought was for weirdos. And there were second-tier suds like Pabst and Schaefer and Old Milwaukee, followed by whatever cheap-ass swill they brewed in your town. That’s what you’d drink if you were having a party and needed nine cases for under sixty bucks.

♦◊♦

“Bartender, what’s on tap?”

“Bud. Bud Light.”

“I’ll have the latter, kind sir. And draw one for yourself, barkeep.”

“Thanks, mac! That’ll be two bucks.”

See? Civilized and economical. But today, in the age of pricey, twee beers, here’s what we’re reduced to:

“Bartender, what’s on tap?”

“There’s the list, next to you.”

“This one?”

“No, that’s the phone book. The big one there, next to it.”

“Ah. Yes. Hmm… I’ll have … uh … ”

“Hey, pal. You gonna order a beer or you gonna read?”

“Uh … sure! I’ll have … um … what’s this? I’ll have an Atomic Wedgie.”

“IPA or Blueberry?”

“Blueberry Atomic Wedgie, please.”

“Sure. That’ll be nine bucks.”

♦◊♦

Today, you can buy high-end beers that have, like, six or seven percent alcohol and taste like turpentine. That used to be called Schlitz Malt Liquor. But at least The Bull was cold. At my neighborhood’s liquor store, strolling past row after row of lukewarm emetics with cutie-pie labels, it dawned on me: I love beer but I hate these beers.

And so do you. You can deny it all you want, but I’ll never believe you wouldn’t rather shoot pool with a couple of Pabst Blue Ribbons than with a cedar-spiced holiday ale.

My friends think I’m the one who’s nuts. They’ll drink an India pale ale from Portland, then a weissen with notes of clove, followed by … on and on. I’m missing out, they’ll tell me. They call me a beer square.

Guilty as charged, your honor. If I’m going to get a carbon dioxide headache, let me get it drinking something that doesn’t require an advanced degree to appreciate. I’ve heard the complaints about beer with no taste. Listen, I’m all for taste. I just don’t want beer that tastes like a filthy sock.

My taste in beer was formed by commercials in the 70s and 80s. Billy Dee Williams, those Clydesdales at Christmastime, “tastes great, less filling.” I was too young to drink it – let me rephrase that; I was too young to buy it – but I was already an informed beer consumer.

Beer commercials promised that you’d be a cool guy if you drank Miller. If you had the time, they had the beer. Or that when you said Budweiser, you’d said it all. And they didn’t kid themselves about how we drink beer. “The one beer to have when you’re having more than one.” And “One beer stands clear – beer after beer.” To me, that says styrofoam cooler, two bags of ice and a case of Wiedemann. These commercials were for working men. Guys in hard hats, climbing towers in the broiling sun “with enough juice at your fingertips to light up the county. But now it’s Miller Time.” You worked your ass off, pal. Crack open a beer.

Then, at some point, there started to be commercials for weird beers that didn’t come in cans. No cans? How’m I s’posed to sneak THAT into the upper deck? And who’s that guy on that commercial? He’s got a beard! And a turtleneck! What’s he drinkin’? Low-en-what? Getthefuggouttahere with your Loewenbrau.

That was where it began. Beers that had European roots and that smelled like B.O. found their way to America and began the infiltration. You wouldn’t find them at the American Legion Hall or anything, but they became more and more common, paving the way for the tidal wave of endless skunky, musky brews we see today.

Look, I’ve lived the lie, too. I told myself I liked warm pumpkin ale. I’ve drunk flat, black beer and beer with fruit in it. Like you, I was afraid to admit I hated it. Standing at a party, a Black Chocolate Stout in hand, I longed for refreshment, for a crisp, cold gulp of Budweiser. Please! Someone please bring me a beer!

Psssshhhht! Ahhh. The sweet, foamy sound of CO2 escaping from aluminum. The rhythmic ulk, ulk, ulk of emptying half the 12-ounce can down your gullet. The burn in your nose, the huge, immediate burp. Like I said, ahh. Repeat.

—Photo kickthebeat/Flickr

About Patrick Smith

Patrick Smith is the author of Extra Innings and is the editor of Bugs and Cranks. He and his wife live in a Baltimore house full of animals and catcher's equipment.

Comments

  1. Listen to The Queers great song “I Only Drink Bud”. It’s on youtube. It’ll cheer you up.

  2. AMEN! #TwunkingApproved!

  3. Well said…but I completely disagree! I get it: a lot of men think beer should go down easy, cost as little as possible, and getcha drunk. But it’s OK to enjoy a decent American craft beer from time to time, too. American brewers are doing some really great stuff. Embrace it!

  4. Off the mark. There are plenty of good macro brews, as well as micro brews. Everyone’s got a different sense of what tastes good. This kind of ignorant opinion stifles innovation and creativity. You like cold flavorless beer? Fair enough and more power to you- drink all you want, they’ll make more. The market will decide by voting with dollars what kind of beer is worth producing.

  5. I say split the difference. Between beer that has an ingredient list that sounds like an alchemist’s shopping list and beer that can remove paint and unclog your drain is beer that’s just there. I’m going to reach between the Hair Melter and the Natural-Micro-Clover-Pale-Euro sounding but made in the States-Brew is stuff like Killians.

  6. Could not disagree more with the statements you’re making here. I get it if you don’t like IPAs — I’m not the biggest fan either — but there are tons of actually delicious beers that don’t need to be 20 degrees because anything warmer will make you gag. Want to taste a delicious beer that is light, flavorful, and universally recognized as one of the best beers in the world? Try a little something called Delerium Tremens.

    • I’m not a big fan of Delerium, but try Westmalle Tripel, or (if you can get it) anything from the Westvleteren line. At about 10 degrees cooler than room temp, a flavor explosion!

      • I’m curious what you don’t like about Delerium Tremens. I’ve honestly never met anyone who doesn’t really enjoy it. Have you tried Nocturnum? I don’t like it as much as the Tremens, but it’s much better with a heavier meal or when it is cold outside. I work a few blocks from one of the best beer places in NYC — and probably the country — so I’ll take a look and see if they’ve got it on their menu!

        I’m a big fan of Rochefort too. Particularly #8.

        • Yes, Rochefort is good too. When I can’t get Westmalle, I tend to go with the Chimay Grande Reserve, which I also rather like.

          The DT has a taste I don’t particularly like. I can’t remember if it was clove or nutmeg or cinnamon or what, but there was some taste that just didn’t go well with beer to me.

          And I had it in Belgium, where it’s native, so it wasn’t just a matter of an old batch.

          • Well, as the saying goes, to each their own! With that said, at least we’re talking about quality beers. Like with just about everything in life, craftsmanship is important. Sure, an IKEA desk and a hand built desk from an old-world craftsman are “the same thing” but they’re really not.

  7. One of my buddies can’t stand the taste of beer. When we go to bars, we usually meet up at Sunset Grille in Allston – a college bar for sure on weekends, but one that has a 16-page beer menu. He still orders a vodka-and-cranberry every time, without exception. When people near us start mocking him for his beverage choice, he just shrugs at them, smiles, and says, “Hey, I drink what I like.” The hard time always stops there.

    While I can understand and appreciate the nostalgia bubbling up from this anti-microbrew diatribe, I’m left wondering why anyone would feel the need to tell other people what they should like or dislike. Why question anyone else’s decisions and come across as an outdated, insecure fool in the process? I always feel great about my selections off the beer menu and actually like what I drink – I don’t worry about whether the next pint fits into some neat little checkbox on what a man should order in a bar. Why would I? Being a man… no, screw that… being a good person has more to do with standing by your choices and taking the right steps to get what you want than worrying about stereotypes – and yes, that stands true even in such ultimately trivial situations as happy hour.

    Enjoy your PBR, your BBC Coffeehouse Porter, your seasonal brew – hell, enjoy your mixed drink with a slice of fruit wedged onto the lip of your glass, or your ginger ale if you’d rather lay of alcohol. If you want it, get it. To all of you: bottoms up!

  8. Why fret about “fancy beer” or “bud light”. Why not drink a good Belgian beer when that’s what you feel like, enjoy a Bavarian-style wheat beer when that’s what you fancy, and kick back with “just-a-beer, please” when that’s what moment call for. Why can’t you enjoy your bud light just because the guy next to you i picking the local red-ale microbrew?

    Embrace the power of “and”.

  9. I’m sure it says more about my unrefined palate than about masculine stereotypes. But cold, cheap and fizzy beats warm, pricey and flat every day of the year.

  10. I went to a beer tasting last night. I live in the state that sells the second highest amount of craft beer in the country right now, so it’s hard for me to completely agree with you. And besides, the best part of the night was when the guest speaker / beer judge said: “What’s my favorite beer? It depends on who I’m with, where we are, what we’re doing, what season it is, what setting we’re in, and what mood I’m in.”

    I think there’s room for both. As the guy pointed out, if he’s out with friends at a good restaurant and enjoying a good meal with some close friends in the middle of fall, he’ll reach for a good IPA. However, if he’s running the chainsaw in the back yard he’ll go with something more common.

    Time and a place for everything.

    • “if he’s running the chainsaw in the back yard he’ll go with something more common.”

      Like, a Severed Femoral Artery, perhaps? Or an OhMyGodYou’reBleedingToDeath Pale Ale?

  11. Peter Houlihan says:

    I hate beer in general, so I guess you’re right 😉

    Whiskey’s where its at.

  12. AnonymousDog says:

    I can kinda sympathize with the author, and kinda not.

    I happen to like heavy, dark colored beer. I also like (some) European beers, but I also like Budweiser and other un-hip American beer. I also have no use whatever for fruit flavored brew.

    I think the appeal of a lot of ‘craft-brewed’ micro brews is snob appeal, no more or less. Anheuser Busch has made several feints over the last 20 years toward making heavier, darker beers. These efforts have been unsuccessful, in my opinion, because too many beer snobs won’t buy anything made by A-B (or any other big brewer) regardless of the quality of the brew, just because they feel they have to scorn ‘industrial’ beer to maintain their hipster cred.

    I would like to be able to buy a dark colored, high gravity, hoppy brew, at the local corner convenience store for about the same price as Bud. I don’t need a clever name, a colorful label, or hipster attitude, just good beer.

  13. Sorry, but this comes off as a whiny promo for alcoholism. I would certainly be one if I were stuck with most American cheap beers. After drinking one, I can tell you if the horse has diabetes. Thus, the only way to get the crappy taste out of your mouth is to drink more to forget you’ve even had it and suffer the nasty hangover in the morning.

    I love the idea of having one beer and savoring how good it tastes.

  14. As a general rule, any beer that requires advertising to convince you to drink it is not something you want to put in your mouth.

    Nevertheless, I know a lot of people who are deeply nostalgic for the “simplicity” of the industrial food products they grew up with. They are offended (read: afraid) of choice and confused by flavor. Wonder Bread and Budweiser don’t pose the threat of a new experience. What I hear in this article is the colonized mind of a consumer identity who is brainwashed to believe he’s thinking for himself when Anheuser-Busch is doing his thinking for him. But to each his own.

    The reality of course is anyone can make a better beer in their kitchen than anything found at the IGA. Self-sufficiency is so snooty, right?

    • “What I hear in this article is the colonized mind of a consumer identity who is brainwashed to believe he’s thinking for himself when Anheuser-Busch is doing his thinking for him.”

      And Miller, as well. The Miller Brewing Company also thinks for me.

    • AnonymousDog says:

      I might buy that line of reasoning if so many micro-brews didn’t taste so similar. Most microbreweries buy their inputs from the same half-dozen suppliers, and consequently Joe Blow’s Ironic Pale Ale brewed in Your Town tends to taste a lot like Richard Roe’s Hipster Pale Ale brewed in My Town.

  15. I couldn’t disagree more. Are you on a mega-brewery’s payroll? Some nostalgia is misplaced in the mediocre products and services of simpler days. Anybody miss outhouses? or crank automobile starters? Iceboxes? Then why do you miss crappy, nondescript, industrial beer? You can still buy it if you want to. Today, many bars today serve Pabst as it’s the cheap beer of today’s kids. So please, leave the good stuff for the rest of us. And when that industrial swill gives you a case of “the toots'” or worse, please go outside, crank start your model T, drive home to your outhouse and take care of business. If you’re lucky, your apron wearing wife will have sent your overalls wearing kid down to the ice man to get a new chunk for the box. And then you can drink your kinda cold Schlitz in the privacy of your home.

  16. Mike Hasty says:

    I like beer. But I REALLY like beer that tastes like beer. There’s nothing wrong with imports and craft brews. Hell, I’m a guy that drove over an hour to Kansas City, then stood in line for another hour and a half just for the CHANCE to get ahold of some Boulevard Brewing Chocolate Ale. (I got it, and it’s good, but I won’t be standing in line again. It wasn’t that good.) That being said, when I just want a beer at home, I buy domestic macro brews. The current formula for Schlitz? Fantastic. Even beer snobs will like it. I agree with Dave Barry back in the 80’s. He said his philosophy on wine (I say it also applies to beer.) was similar th the French- drink whatever you have, then look for more. No need to get all OCD about it.

    • Gotta disagree with you slightly on this one. Saying you want beer that tastes like beer and then implying that’s the mass produced American stuff is like saying you want a burger that tastes like a burger and so you want them all to taste like McDonald’s, or that you want a pizza to taste like pizza, and so you think they should all taste like Domino’s or Pizza Hut.

      Real beer tastes a lot more like the European imports (who have been brewing it the same way for centuries, particularly the Trappist beers from Belgium) than like the watered-down, mass produced stuff that’s been made here for maybe a hundred years.

      • Oh, whoops, I just re-read, and I got it wrong. I thought you were saying you like beer that tastes like beer and that’s why you DON’T like imports and craft beers.

        My bad, apologies!

  17. Yes, I remember when there were only five types of beer and they all tasted the same. Unfortunately, they shared their taste with another yellow liquid: urine.

    Modern beers are so much more complex and wonderful, your request is essentially equivalent to asking a wine connoisseur to put down his expensive Dom Perignon, because really all we need are the same 5 box wines from Gallo that we could afford in college.

    Get some taste buds! 😉

  18. I like beer, it can be fancy, it can be plain, I personally prefer bud light but you have a new beer, hey pass one over I’ll try it.

  19. While this is really just a bit of light-hearted sensationalism (I know this…And So Do You…And So Does the Writer), I really like beer, so I jump at the chance to talk about it (and, of course, drink it). I’m an all-season kinda beer dude, meaning getting Schlitz-faced on a hot day is great, and a limited run of Troegs Nugget Nectar is also awesome. My preference is for the latter, but that’s neither here nor there. The only thing I’d like to add is that the notion that oldie-timey, frost-knuckled cheap beer from America was the standard for simple, unadorned beer-ness. Far from the truth, as the Germans held that beer should be simple so passionately, they created a Purity Law to keep the ingredients sacrosanct. No Pumpkin-Unicorn-Berries there. If Bud kept to that idea of simplicity (rather than supplementing with rice to keep costs down–oh, and not stealing their name from the older, far superior Czech beer Budvar), then it’d be higher on my to-drink list. Well, then there’s that whole InBev-Owns-Everything-Including-Your-Mom thing that is kind of a downer too.

  20. Mike Sorenson says:

    This comes off a bit like a piece that was written to be controversial just for the sake of it. That being said, I enjoyed your writing style, very funny stuff.

    As a huge beer snob I have to respectfully disagree – some people really DO like craft beer. It doesn’t make them liars, or sheep that are simply following the crowd (though I know some of those people too). I personally love a hoppy IPA one night and well-crafted porter the next… and I go to great lengths to discover and sample new beers all the time. I will admit, however, that there are situations where I’d prefer a cold Bud Light. If I’m hanging out in my buddy’s garage and we’re tossing them back, I’m going with the cheap stuff. I’ve also never understood the reasoning behind ridiculing someone else’s preference – who cares? I have buddies that hate craft beer – I don’t force it on them or make snide remarks about their Miller. To echo many of the other comments, drink whatever you feel like drinking.

    Cheers,

  21. William Hancox says:

    Said like a true American. Where you don’t have nice beer.

    • FSFStorm says:

      We do, We have really good beers. It’s just this guy wants to blindly think that “marketing” tells him what a good beer is.

      As for the growing market that drink craft beers, we’re learning and we’re trying some of your beers and making some that are arguably better than yours (dunno which country you’re from so no guarentees. I still love me some foreign beers as well such as Newcastle Brown Ale)

    • Actually, we Americans have the best brewers on earth. Our imperial stouts are leaving the Guinnesses of the worlds in the Stone Ages, while our IPAs make your ancient Stella Artois and Sam Smith and Bass and the rest of them seem stale, like a room that’s had the windows closed up for too long (to name just two style examples).

      As for the article itself, it seems the author is rebelling from the absolute bottom of the food chain, so I’d have to argue that he’s being kitschy. Reminds me of hipsters drinking PBR: it’s funny, and your dad drank it, so it must be ok. Good thinking before you know better. Preference for watery, lousy beer is personal, but to try to say it’s a superior experience to drinking “good” beer is just silly.

    • Except none of the beers he wants to drink are american beers anymore… so unless he’s drinking Yuengling, He’s supporting Canadian, Belgian and Brazilian mega corporations. Craft beer is made by small business owners… now that’s ‘Merica!!!

    • Said like an ignorant person from anywhere else in the world who believes that only Americans are ignorant.

      We indisputably have some of the best brews in the world, and in much higher volumes and variety than in Europe.

  22. The Bad Man says:

    All beer tastes like piss, people only drink it to get a buzz.

    I prefer vodka and orange juice.

    • Agreed! I detest the taste of beer! But my drink of choice is actually hard cider. Mmmmm

    • FSFStorm says:

      have you actually had beer? Or just shitty american PIlsners such as Bud/Miller/Coors? have you had a wheat beer? a Kolsch? An Amber? A Honey Brown? A Nut Brown? A Vanilla Porter? a English Brown? a Belgian IPA? If you answer no to any of those then fuck this article, you don’t hate beer, you hate a specific kind of beer called American ligh lager aka “Shitty American Beer”. There is a beer of all varieties and all kinds to all tastes, and I guarentee you that there is a beer out there that you will like if you actually try it and ignore what this cockwad who doesn’t know a damned about beer says.

      • People who don’t like pilsners are not particularly likely to like strong beers. There’s nothing the matter with not liking beer, his comment of “people only drink it to get a buzz.” is what makes him an ignorant retard.

      • Woah…goodness me…I’ve tried a wide variety of lagers, beers, ales, whatevers from a whole bunch of different parts of the world. I’ve even tried Guinness in Ireland. Still hate it. Part of it is the alcohol (I’m not a huge fan)…but also part of it is just the beer taste. Who knows, maybe I hate the taste of hops or maybe I just don’t like a starchy alcoholic drink. So despite your guarantee, I have not found a beer out there that I like…now if you can find me a beer that tastes like hard cider, I might like it…but chances are it’d just be cider. :)

        I’ll agree that the “people only drink it to get a buzz,” comment was ill-informed…but otherwise, people are allowed to like (or dislike) the taste of different things.

    • All beer doesn’t taste like piss. Only the liquid crap that the author writes about does. Try one of those “fancy” beers the author rags on. I have introduced countless people good beer, people who said they hate beer, but based their dislike on having tasted only crap like Bud or Miller. These people, after trying a “fancy” beer and came to realize that beer can be an amazingly good tasting substance.

      • Alright…I’ve got a question…why is it so difficult to believe that some people just don’t like beer? I mean, I absolutely love mushrooms…all kinds of mushrooms, but if I meet someone who doesn’t I don’t try to find them the right sort of mushroom that’ll change their minds about mushrooms…cuz really it doesn’t matter all that much. (I’m not trying to be snarky here; I’m really curious).

  23. J-vision says:

    I hate to be overly critical so, I will reserve comment except to say that you need to get out more.

  24. This article can be summed up in four words: “People have differing tastes.”

  25. The only reason there were so few Macrobrews, and zero micro’s was because of prohibition. Few beer companies survived that. Also due in part to home-brewing being illegal until ’78, which is why you see so many micro-brewieries popping up since the early 80’s. If you want to drink a pasteurized beer, where they literally boil off all the flavor, go for it. Some people don’t drink to get drunk. Coors silver bullet, with the frozen train couldn’t be farther from the truth. That shits boiled at the end of its brew so they can ship it warm. Which is why that shit gets skunky so quick.

  26. I mean, sure, don’t drink pumpkin spiced ales or winter wheats. I don’t either (I stick to the more beer-tasting IPA’s). But if you are going to stay in Lager or Pilsner – land, then for heaven’s sake, don’t count out the hundreds of awesome micro-brews across America that are making those too (not just the whats-its with hints of clove). I tend to be with Matt here. Many micro-brews got wiped out and only a few companies survived, so that’s why its all you saw in the 70’s. Since then, however, in the actual American spirit of individualism and following dreams and whatnot, lots of microbreweries (read: locally owned businesses) have somehow been able to struggle bloody knuckled back into the race. And Anheuser-Busch (or any other beer brewing corporate entity) isn’t making that easy on anyone. So, I won’t touch anything Anheuser-Busch has anything to do with, and I would encourage others to make the same choices about supporting folks who work with a passionate sweat across their brow for the love of the art of it. Watch the “Beer Wars” and get back to me.

    • Ethan, you do make a good point. The downside of my beers is the corporate megabrewery. I have close friends who are really successful mircobrewers and they’ve worked very, very hard. I totally salute them and even drink their beers. (which have no berries in them.)

  27. There’s a time and a place for both. Thanks for being one of the few people out there advocating close mindedness.

  28. Just because you don’t know how to pick beer doesn’t make a Bud Light good. Don’t pick chocolate beer and fruit beer if you don’t like them.

  29. Way, way out of bounds.

  30. FSFStorm says:

    No. I never liked carbonated golden water. I always drank the craft stuff because I couldn’t stand this horrible excuse for beer you seem to be payed to tell people to think we like.

  31. If you want to drink 1970s beer and you enjoy 1970s beer then go for it. But dont ruin everyone else’s option orgasm. The USA is a global front runner in the beer market. It is our lack of a traditional beer culture that allows us to go beyond a national staple like Englands ESB or Belgiums..well Belgian. Possibilities allow for everyone to find something they like, whether that be a Bud or an Sierra Nevada Ruthless Rye. Craft beer doesnt have to be expensive. That’s an issue geography and venue. I live in a city where you can have top shelf brew for three or four bucks a pint. Sure, the watery stuff is half that but when the price range is 2-4 bucks everyone can get what they want.

    At the end of the day beer should be about the love of the beverage and everyone should be able to have what they enjoy.

  32. Craft beers are skunky? I’d be apt to say that it is your flavorless macro brews that have the market cornered on skunky beer! But hey, if you want to drink crappy beer, go all in man. That is your choice. I’ll have an Odell Myrcenary.

  33. Do you also hate putting honest Americans to work? The craft brewing industry currently puts 100,000 people to work (including staff at brewpubs). Beer over the last 30 years has been dumbed down and commoditized. American Brewers are taking back a beverage category that, until recently, has been incredibly lackluster. But good news for you…Miller is re-branding their 64 line. So you can continue to drink unflavored beer while shaving calories at the same time!

    • Interesting how the author bashes “Beers that had European roots”. The Light American Lager you love so much has very distinct European roots. The beer before Budweiser and Pabst Blue Ribbon as not light lager. What you are in love with now started as a European style of beer brought to the US.

      What is available now from the craft breweries, which are now the only American breweries, is predominantly rooted in American individuality and drive for all things bigger, and better. If you didn’t catch that part about the craft breweries being the American Breweries understand this, Bud, Miller and Coors are NOT own by Americans or American Corporations. Bud is owned by the Beligans(InBev), Miller is owned by the South Africans(SAB), and Coors is owned by the Canadians(Molson). OK, so technically the Canadians are Americans, but the truth is the largest US brewer is Boston Brewing Company, Samuel Adams.

      For most that like beers other than the large industrial lagers it is not about anything other than taste. Now some people are perfectly happy eating frozen TV dinners and McDonalds every day for every meal. Some people prefer real meat, many prefer steak, and then there are those that actually enjoy a good slow cooked Prime Rib or Pork Shoulder. If you have ever drooled over really good slow cooked BBQ you do understand the appeal or good craft beer. If you think craft beer is only insane beers with weird ingredients you must also think that BBQ is only a McDonalds McRib sandwich.

      But in reality it is not your fault, and you admit this. You are being controlled by the advertisements. You have given in to what the TV tells you. It;s sad really, and I hope some day you are able to break this stranglehold your corporate overlords have over you. Maybe when you realize that they have no interest in your happiness or satisfaction and are only streaming information to you to get your money you might be able to break away. Until then us weirdos will pity you and keep a good beer ready for you when you finally realize how blind you are to reality.

  34. Michael Thomas says:

    I bet this guy also thinks Boones Farm is the best wine money can buy. If other people like thing he dosent THEY are snobs? This is obviously a website I should avoid.

  35. I know you probably wrote this to stir the pot and get traffic to your site and I must say, it’s working out rather well. I couldn’t resist writing a rebuttal, however – which you can enjoy here, http://www.kegworks.com/blog/2012/03/13/hey-patrick-smith-youre-wrong-i-do-like-fancy-beer-031312/

    Cheers!

  36. I prefer a dry aged steak to a McDonalds burger. By your rationale, the more expensive steak is a waste of money. (They come from the same animal, so why bother with the steak.)

    That said, I don’t see why there isn’t a place for both. If I’m out fishing, I don’t have an issue with an ice cold can of [insert macro beer brand here], but if I’m going to enjoy a beer with my steak, I’d rather have something that compliments the flavor of my meal.

    You can eat your burgers with processed cheese slices and drink your PBR all you’d like.

    I’ll enjoy my dry aged steak, camembert and craft beer.

  37. I don’t hate fancy beers, and in fact I have brewed some of them. Patrick Smith may like the wimpy lagers passed off as beer these days by the big corporations – but me I prefer a beer that you can tell the difference between what you are drinking and what you get an hour later when you have to finally break the seal. Everyone is entitled to their opinion – however don’t pretend to speak for me.

  38. Sure, I disagree with Patrick Smith, but my philosophy about beer is this: “If it tastes good, it IS good.” (Paraphrasing Duke Ellington’s old saying about music.)

    Still, I think this article responds well to Smith’s piece. http://www.slate.com/articles/life/drink/2012/03/don_t_believe_coors_and_budweiser_colder_isn_t_better_.html?tid=sm_tw_button_toolbar

  39. Hank Vandenburgh says:

    Once you’ve lived in Germany (as I did once,) it’s hard to find any US beer that tatses like beer. I’ve heard that it may be the pasturization that ruins it. I dislike all the Sam Adams labels (they taste slightly “off.”) Haven’t tried many other IPAs etc., but they don’t measure up in the US. I like Bass here the the most, I guess. Favorite German beer: Ganterbraue (Freiburg.)

  40. I think nearly everyone is missing the point. Pat Smith wrote a piece, on a website called “The Good Men Project”, about his love for women’s lager. HELLO??!?????

  41. Just another tool going down the list of popular things trying to be original.

    Keep walking, guy.

  42. Brady Umfleet says:

    Is this a joke? I sthis guy a joke? Is it April Fools Day already-what a Dbag-drink that foreign owned crap and pretend that he are a “real man” come to my house and I will show a real American man-

  43. Uh, no, I like real beer – like Guinness, which there is still no American beer to match. I like real ales, stout stouts, and pure pilsners. None of the big American brewers can stand up to real beer, and this writer should know it. The opposite of snob is still snob.

    • Derek C. says:

      I agree with your line about snobbery. And while I know the writer was just being provocative, I’m kinda glad he’s getting flamed. Basically calling folks fake for liking what they like deserves a bit of flaming. Disagree on your Guinness though. Plenty of world-class American stouts.

    • Rick: If you think Guinness is a “real beer” then I just feel bad for you. it wouldn’t even make my top 50, and I’ve probably only had about 100 beers.

  44. You could not be more right, Patrick. Its disgusting. I dare anyone to drink 3 Black IPA’s. Yuck.

  45. MBrinkley says:

    Author: You’re right, my comments (which have been curiously deleted) were a little venomous. Sorry about that. And it appears I’m late to the game here. Just recently saw this piece.

    Let me try again: When you put yourself out here, as you have in your article, as a person who prefers the simple over the complex, the base over the interesting and challenging, the bloated corporation over the local dudes, the bland, boring and easy over the tasty and unique, all I can think of are harsh and derisive comments.

    It’s completely fine if you have a simple palate that can’t appreciate distinct and complex flavors. Not every beer you drink has to be a super rich and complex brew. There are hundreds of craft/micro brews that would suit your tastes. Try a local pilsner, lager, blonde ale, hefeweizen, or wit. There’s something out there for you that’s infinitely better than the swill provided by big beer.

    • For the record, I didn’t delete your comment.

      Also, it wasn’t nearly as ugly as many of the comments have been. And that’s why I don’t write for this site anymore. There’s absolutely no sense of humor here. Stuff I’ve written about gender and sexual harassment and masculinity on this site has drawn incredibly creepy reactions and weirdly furious comments. The beer thing was just icing on the cake.

      I have huge respect for the people behind this site – Lisa Hickey and the editorial staff. They’re tremendous. But there sure are a lot of pissed of guys who read this site.

  46. I’ll be honest..I jumped on the so-called craft beer bandwagon to see what all the fuss was about. I’m one who cut their beer drinking teeth on Bud, Miller, Moosehead and scores of “no-name” beers.

    I enjoyed the parade for a while, but simply got tired of the nuances, the jargon and nonsense that has turned something simple into a complicated and snobbish undertaking. It came to the point in this so-called new “beer culture” that you were out of your mind for having a Heineken instead of a pumpkin super IPA ale. Simply, I’ve had enough.

    Now, when I go for my weekly supply of beer, I’ve come back home..It’s either Michelob, Molson good ‘ol Miller or a simple euro-lager.

Trackbacks

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