Iraq War veteran Michael Anthony discusses sex in the military and how the strains of war can lead to infidelity.
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Recently, Brig. Gen. Jeffrey Sinclair, pleaded guilty to sexual misconduct with a woman under his command. The plea was part of an arranged deal that would drop a sexual assault charge against him, which would’ve required him to register as a sex offender.
“I failed her as a leader and as a mentor and caused harm to her emotional state … I created a situation over time that caused her emotional harm,” Sinclair admitted.
This isn’t the first time we’ve been reading about a General who has let “the little General,” get him into trouble. A while back it was Petraeus, and Allen of course, too. But those were all consensual, though military ‘illegal,’ relationships, and do not include all the other actual, and alleged, cases of sexual misconduct within the military. It’s an epidemic in the military according to Rebecca Sinclair (Gen. Sinclair’s wife) who in an oped with The Washington Post is quoted as saying:
“I wish I could say that my husband was the only officer or soldier who has been unfaithful. Since 2001, the stress of war has led many service members to engage in tremendously self-destructive behavior. The officer corps is plagued by leaders abandoning their families and forging new beginnings with other men and women. And many wives know about their husbands’ infidelity but stay silent.”
It’s true, though. What she says. Men, women, soldiers, warriors, sometimes during war, in the heat of battle, dealing with twenty-four and forty-eight shifts, no days off, thousands of miles from home, stressed-out, pissed-off, and with death constantly looming overhead, sometimes they just need a stress-reliever. And you know what, for many that stress-reliever is some good sex. I’ve seen men crack at war. It’s not pretty, especially when they have a loaded weapons (yes, please appreciate the double entendre). Sex is a real issue in the military, one that has been for a while, and it’s a sticky issue to talk about, but it shouldn’t be.
“People were caught having sex in Porta Potties, dumpsters, on roofs of buildings, and once, an entire base had to go on lock down because of two people having sex…”
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It’s great that women have made strides in the military, and I’m personally all for it, but it’s important to talk about the effects that women have on the battlefield … because the effects aren’t always good. Now, this, obviously, isn’t the woman’s fault, that their presence can effect men, and thus the battlefield in a negative way. I’m not going there. But it is a new reality of war, of the military. I was deployed to Iraq for twelve months, and in my unit alone, we had two women get sent home for being pregnant and a third become pregnant towards the end of the deployment. I, first-hand (don’t ask) witnessed several married people commit adultery—and, of course, there were the dozens of rumored others (there’s always rumors, though, aren’t there?). At one point, sex in my unit became so prevalent, (this is going to sound ridiculous) that my commanders actually banned men and women from being alone in a room together—regardless of rank. Colonels, Majors, Sergeant Majors, all the way down to Specialists and Privates, no two people of the opposite sex were allowed to be alone in a room together.
Stop. Think about that for a moment. Sex was so rampant in my unit that they actually had to ban men and women from being alone in a room together. Grown adults. Soldiers. In a combat zone.
It’s a reality of war. But does it need to be?
The military needs to do two things. First and foremost, they need to make sure that all women are protected by their commanders. A commander is supposed to look out for his soldiers, and the last thing a women needs to worry about is the people who are supposed to have her back. War and being in the military is tough enough without the added pressure of not being able to trust those in charge.
Second, something needs to change in this sexually-repressed dynamic in the military. I mentioned earlier of the affairs that I’d seen (and heard about) but that’s not to mention any of the other crazy sex that went on in my unit. People were caught having sexing in Porta Potties, dumpsters, on roofs of buildings, and once, an entire base had to go on lock down because of two people having sex (long, hilarious story, but I’ll save it for another time).
It’s not popular to address such things. Either people say “you’re a sexist pig trying to make women look bad,” or you’ve got some armchair patriot who thinks that if you say anything about the military that makes it look anything less than perfect then you’re a traitor. Well, the real issue is that there are serious shortcomings in the military. There are serious things that need to be changed in order for our military to become the military that we know it can be. That our country deserves. And we’re only going to get to that point if we have conversations about the issues that are really going on.
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–Photo: AP
I do not understand why people are still engaging in a war, it’s too stressful. I can not imagine being deployed to a foreign country to kill people just because the government said so. Sorry but I did not grow up in USA but I live here, and it is a great country but seriously as a foreigner and a traveler I realize that the U.S. government UNDERTAKE his people in senseless wars. Being under pressure, far away, with the fear that perhaps one day I would die in battle, in all that confusion. Perhaps many soldiers just need a… Read more »
are we now making excuses for soldiers (male or female) who cheat. they cheat because they don’t respect their vows. plain and simple.
1) I fail to understand that if it is CONSENSUAL SEX between two peers of opposite sex in the military, then how can only male soldier be charged by military. why women soldeirs are not charged for this. [I am not an american. I am talking atleast the mindset of military jury in our country.USA may have the same trend or not, i do not know] Are consensual females, not responsible for their actions? 2) In germany, while taking young men into military they require them to be “almost publically” fully nude with medics testing them. Frequently these medics are… Read more »
Because the man was a higher ranking officer and THAT is what makes it illegal.. it is this way in most all professions. Those in higher ranks, whether it be the military or business, are in a position of power over their lower ranking counterparts. A boss does not have right to an intimate relationship with a lower ranking person because of the power dynamics involved. The higher ranking person in this situation (and in MOST situations) happens to be a male. If you have 90 high ranking males and 10 high ranking females.. Of course there are going to… Read more »