We’re all looking for supporters and nurturers in our relationships, which is why being nice is never enough to finish first.
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In the World of Dating, Courtship, Attraction, Seduction, Love, and Relationships, a common phrase exists: “Nice Guys/Girls Finish Last.” This mentality is also known as the Nice Guy/Girl Syndrome.
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Search Nice Guy Syndrome on Urban Dictionary
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So, let’s tackle the dilemma of “Nice People” to arrive at the conclusion of whether it’s true or false. What does that “Nice” mean? Firstly, nice, alone can be vague without adjectives and details to describe what is nice.
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Check out Nice Guys Finish Last Music Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xfeys7Jfnx8
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For the sake of this discussion and article in defining the concept of Niceness, Nice is divided into two terms. Nice may mean different things to oneself and others.
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Kezia Noble’s Video On Nice Guys, Good Guys, and Bad Guys. Be THE GOOD GUY! 😉https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xY3yC4Z8sqE
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Check NO! The first type of “Nice” is a euphemism for neediness, overly insecure, weak, having ulterior motives/agendas, being passive or passive-aggressive, or overly aggressive, entitlement mentality which aren’t desirable traits for being dating, courting, relationship material. Thus, “Nice” is NOT really Nice when used to describe what one really means. Example of “Nice”: Attempt to buy another’s affection through gifts, presents, superficial materials, etc.
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Picture: Google Image Search- Nice Guy Syndrome: See Picture that says: How to Spot a Nice Guy
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“Being your true authentic self is your most attractive self. Us being us is our real attractive self. In fact, us being real, us being authentic is the only truly seductive thing there is. Honesty is the greatest aphrodisiac.” -Zan Perrion
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Check Yes! The second type of Nice (aka. The Good) means being Nice without any ulterior motives/agendas. In other words, being nice without expecting anything else in return (also known as old school chivalry) is what being Nice truly is. Example of The Genuine Nice: Gets to know a potential suitor (person one is interested in, attracted to, respects and values).
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Watch Jenna Marble’s Nice Guys Do NOT Finish Last Video:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3VXXXX9iVPI
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“Nice” do finish last while The Nice can finish first!
In order to be in a successful loving and mature relationship with others, one must love themselves entirely including their imperfections. Embrace Yourself through Complete Honesty, Sincerity, and Authenticity!
Self-Love, Self-Respect, Knowing and Applying one’s Self-Worth through Beliefs, Values, and Actions are very important in being a Man or Woman, Leader, and most importantly, a human being that can be an optimistic role model.
The Nice can date, court, attract, and seduce the one he or she is interested in, attracted to, values, and respects. However, being genuinely nice is NOT enough. People, Men or Women of all Sexual Orientations and other backgrounds, want their partner, lover, significant other, close friend to be a supporter and nurturer in the relationships they have with each other. Desirable traits in friendships, romantic relationships and of other types includes: Confidence, Assertiveness, Gentleness, Sensitivity, Charisma, Clean Humour, Maturity, Morals, Ethics, Passion, Determination, Personal/Social Competence, Strength, Courage, Ambition, Experience, Wisdom, Intelligence, Altruism, and so forth.
To become really successful in life in all aspects, communication, social, leadership and motivational skills while living a valuable principled life is a must. So, To Be Interesting, Be Interested!
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“Be a man of value rather than a man of success.” –Albert Einstein
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Life is too short as the saying goes. Also, there’s no right time. Make time and live life to the fullest in the moment as if there’s no tomorrow. Carpe Diem and Create The Opportunities through Holistic and Interdisciplinary Approaches of Altruism! Say what you really feel and do what you truly feel! Say more than just Hello to the Person you not only are attracted to, interested in or desire, however, more importantly to the one that you value, respect, and love passionately by not only words since actions demonstrate purpose and meaning. Be Your Best Self!
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Lessons to Achieve and Learn
Learn Emotional Awareness (Facial Expressions; Micro, Macro, False, Masked), Social Skills through Influence, Persuasion, Personality, Character, Charisma, The Arts and Sciences of Attraction, Social Dynamics, Seduction, Social Structures: Proxemics (Space and Body Positioning), Haptics (Touch), Kinesics (Physical Gestures and Body Movement), Vocalics ((Paralanguage), Chronemics (Structure and Use of Time in Nonverbal Communication) and so forth. In addition: Read, Learn, Practice, Evolve Intelligently with Effectiveness and Quality.
Remember,
“When we love, we always strive to become better than we are. When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too.” -Paulo Coelho (The Alchemist)
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Originally appeared at The Moral Compass of Attraction and Social Adaptation
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Photo credit: Getty Images
Both nice guys and creeps are euphemisms for “conventionally unattractive and won’t accept it.” These men are bitter at the fruits of their shallowness, with their isolationism and their excessive porn use means they pine after the conventionally attractive. Feminists are angry because they won’t get with the program, won’t accept their place in the world and date their homely sisters.
Yes, some are what you describe them to be. With that being said, everybody may vary as things and people can be different case by case. To each their own.
@ Theorema Egregium
I think one distinction might be that aren’t nice girls simply doing what girls are supposed to do? They’re supposed to signal their interest without initiating. Men on the other hand are expected to initiate and isn’t this normally where the “nice guy” phenomena kicks in when he moves from being supportive to asserting his needs?
By signaling their interest (looking with a genuine smile, turn away, and looking with genuine smile again), she’s making the first move. By the guy physically approaching after smiling back, looking away, and looking to smile again, he’s accepting the open space to begin socializing with her which she invited him to initiate a conversation.
Generally, the guideline goes something on the lines of: FMAC- Find, Meet, Attract, Close.
Or The 3 Phrases of Mating: Attract, Build Comfort, Seduce.
As for answering your first question, many ‘nice’ girls do not show any signs of interest as if they’re disinterested and uninterested due to their lack of expressions, emotions, romantic/sexual gestures that are shown in one’s facial expressions, body language positioning, voice tonality, and words. In this article, I stated to be interesting, be interested. To be understood, understand and to understand, be understood. Be Authentic!
A person can do and be all the things you recommend and still be romantically/sexually unsuccessful. In some cases there is just no available solution, and I think the purposeful conflation of nice and “Nice” is a result of people’s discomfort at truly nice people being luckless.
Yes, what you said can be correct. If one hasn’t succeeded romantically/sexually, he or she may have built comfort first before attracting which often leads to what I call: Friend Zone Level 2 (made by the other person). Friend Zone Level 1 is what one goes through to use as an excuse for getting past it, i.e. imposter syndrome aka behaviour of limiting beliefs. To succeed, attract first and then build comfort (don’t stay in comfort too long) and transition into seduction (mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually, intimately, sexually). In the end, sometimes, one loses and other times, one wins. What… Read more »
“Nice girl” is a red herring. I appreciate your attempt to make things gender-neutral, but Nice Girls (who are involuntarily romanceless, and perceived as entitled and toxic) do not exist as a common trope or a relevant social phenomenon. It’s a men’s problem. Yes, men can have problems that women don’t have, statistically speaking.
Respectfully, I disagree. Some really Nice Guys and Nice Girls both have issues about attracting, building rapport, seducing, and be in a relationship with quality mate(s).
Males without social intuition usually believe females like them when she’s being friendly. Although, it may be counter-intuitive, the opposite is true.
Females being nice can be a problem because it may not attract the right kind of potential mates that one is possibly looking for in the short and long term. Being nice works in combination with having a back bone, being confident, having a sense of good/clean humour, being socially/romantically/emotionally/physically/spiritually intuitive.
What you are saying is all true. However my point was slightly different. Both girls and boys can have a lack of social intuition which gives them problems in dating. But only males are seen as a toxic plague on the earth for it. Or to put it differently, a female in this situation has a problem (being victimized by wrong mates), whereas a male is a problem (for others). Being considered a problem for others means you will afford any kind of compassion; you will not be helped, you will be fought against to shut you up. Typical advice… Read more »
Well, many nice females do experience not succeeding in the dating/mating department for many reasons just like the way nice males experience unsuccessful relationship life. Love dropping (aka love bombing) which is a symptom of the ‘nice’ syndrome: attempting to buy another’s affection, love, lust, seduction, attraction, seduction, intimacy (not the same as sex) does NOT work. It’s manipulative and those who give off the passive or passive-aggressive vibe are stuck in their own heads with stubbornness, tunnel vision, and confirmation bias rather than working on themselves to evolve. In the end, I see this issue as a problem for… Read more »
“Nice” is not Nice.
Hasn’t this been repeated ad nauseum already?
Yes, because it;’s important to distinguish the difference between what people say and what they really mean or what they really mean to say. Euphemisms are thrown around a lot to hide what they really mean so as to be polite. In conclusion, The Nice WIN! And The Bad and Ugly Lose. With that being said, Darwin once said it’s about the survival of the fittest. Nowadays, it’s about the survival of the most smoothest seducers that thrive. Speaking of Seduction, it doesn’t have to be sexual (not the same as intimacy). There’s different forms of seduction and intimacy (or… Read more »