We Make the A**holes

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About Nick Lehr

Boston native Nick Lehr is a recent graduate of Stanford University, where he earned a degree in American Studies, with a minor Creative Writing. While his fellow students concerned themselves with theses and campus activities, Nick concentrated on his one true passion: Guitar Hero. The hard work paid off; in February 2007, he was crowned campus-wide champion, winning a $100 Amazon.com gift certificate.


  1. “Asshole” is a fairly temperate term for this guy.

  2. I don’t think we’re all enablers of this sort of behavior, but we are in the minority. A lot of people (not just men) don’t think it is our business or don’t care or blame the women that suffer from this sort of thing. We’re a violent culture and we’re still a very misogynistic culture. The law might not hold Roethlisberger accountable, but a lot of other people do.

  3. I think it’s disingenuous to compare the coverage of Rex Ryan’s feet thing to the rest of this.

    He and his wife have consensual, if kinky, sex. The media circus somehow made that into a story. It’s really not.

  4. Nick, I enjoyed and agreed with about 95% of your article. I agree that we enable, I agree that we issue slaps on the wrist and forgo longterm consequence for championship potential. The only issue I take is lumping Ben Roethlisberger in with the other “womanizers” of professional sports. Cheating on your wife is frankly none of my business (or yours, or anyone’s). Rape, sexual assault, sexual harassment, these are crimes. Tiger Woods and Ben Roethlisberger do not belong in the same sentence, because by my count, none of Tiger’s paramours have accused him of anything nonconsensual. Shitty husband, poor role model, maybe, but he doesn’t belong in prison.

  5. Tanya Melendez says:

    In reference to Ben Roethlisberger: I find it extremely odd for the site to have this article and yet, in another, praise the Rooney family as one of the Top Good Guys in Sports. The only reason Ben has a shot at his false “redemption” is the family that employes him.

    • I would agree with you, Tanya, but the Rooneys tried very hard to free themselves of Roethlisberger last summer with no takers. He carries a huge price tag along with his over-inflated ego.

  6. maybe the media has more of a vocal distaste for cheating husbands than rapists? just testing a theory…cheating is usually owned up to, the question/media focus is whether or not its our right to care. whereas rape is always caste under cloud of suspicion, the question is whether or not it happened and whether or not we care comes second (chock it up to whatever you want – culture of misogyny, also old shielding adage of innocent until proven guilty for us to hide our apathy, laze behind).

    (disclaimer: i dont know anything about sports or sports scandals)

  7. Always thrilling to see the same side posted about this when it most certainly isn’t just one or two athletes that are more than a little shady.


    More recent than the Roethlisberger incident, but doesn’t seem to get reported on at all.

  8. This was a great and well thoughout read. Another piece is the superstars get fame and fortune so quick and they are so young, they are not prepared to handle it. It’s not an excuse as people are responsibile for their actions, just a fact when your young, powerful and rich, most people will indulge. NFL should have training to prepare them but in reality – these althletes will always act this way. You just hope they don’t marry to later in life and they learn to respect women. As for a sexist comment, I’m still amazed how women just throw themselves at athletes jsut because they are rich or on TV, even if they are trolls like big ben!

  9. “The sad truth is, Bissinger helped to create monsters like Big Ben.”

    What makes him a monster? Accusations? At the very least you should save the monster label for people who were convicted of something. I think the only guy mentioned who has been convicted of anything is Vick. The rest of them either engaged in bad behavior or some non-criminal sort or may be completely innocent. Vick served his time and now he’s out and back to work. This article, like most of the articles on this site, is disgusting. You say it’s just an accusation up top but then go on and discuss it like there was a conviction. It’s irresponsible to assume guilt and talk about him like he’s guilty when he wasn’t convicted. I don’t think he was even charged. If athletes are so bad why can’t you write about some that were convicted of something? If anything this article is evidence that there’s not really all that much to complain about.

  10. DTF … do you know what this means? It means Down To F*ck. That was what the golddigger was wearing when she accused Ben of sexual assault. Should Ben have put himself in this situation? Could she have actually been sexually assaulted? Sure, but neither you, nor I, nor does any person on the planet know what really happened that night.

    So lay off the assumptions. I hate the Steelers, but people like you scare the crap out of me. All you self-righteous bastards would have probably had me stoned for something I’ve stupid at some point in my life, just because you can’t walk past a dog-pile with out jumping on the pile.

    I mean seriously think about this, everyone who is reading this – momentarily suspend your disbelief of Ben the a-hole and realize that just maybe – just maybe, she tried to trap him. I mean go read the police report, the whole thing and you’ll realize that she asked to have the case dropped. Why? Because it was becoming pretty apparent to the people who were investigating the case that they two idiots both conducted themselves in a super stupid manner and probably deserved each other.

    I think super stars like Ben are more of a reflection of our society and the people who cast judgment on them looking directly in the mirror. You only see Ben as you want to see him.

    You know what really get my goat? That Mike Vick kills dogs and gets 2 years, Ben acts like pig and gets caught accused of sexually assaulting a woman wearing a Down To F*ck shirt and EVERYONE freaks out. Meanwhile, Donte’ Stallworth runs over and kills a Hispanic crane operator walking to the bus stop after work at 7 am – while he is drunk and you give him a free friggin’ pass. He played in the NFL this year and you ignored that… what does that say about our society.

    Never-mind, you’re a recent grad. You’ll figure it out one day.

    • Cooper Fleishman says:

      The fact that you’d suggest that this woman deserved to be sexually assaulted because of the shirt she was wearing is astounding.

      There are quite a few people on the planet who know what happened that night. The bodyguards who restricted BR’s victim’s access to help; the medical examiner who found clear signs of forced entry; BR’s powerful legal team who convinced both his accusers to drop their cases; BR himself, who has a history of assault without consequence; and the victim who was willing to subject herself to a rape kit and months of public humiliation so she could see some actual justice, for herself and for the woman BR likely assaulted in 2008. . . . And you think she’s motivated by money?

      What really gets my goat is that the NFL is more concerned with the assault of dogs than the assault of women. But no, they’re not concerned with either—just the pristine image of their moneymakers. (I do agree with one thing: where was the Stallworth coverage?)

      Nah, Nick’s not the one who has shit to figure out.

      • Cooper, I couldn’t agree with you more. The argument that what a woman is wearing condones rape, assault, harassment of any sort is so old, so outdated, and yet still used every day. Walking down the street naked is no excuse (though a crime in and of itself….). Being drunk is not “asking for it,” flirting is not “asking for it.

        Thanks for responding with sanity and reason.

  11. David Wise says:

    Jocks like Bad Ben are used to having their way.


  1. [...] off-the-field issues. For evidence, look no further than Pittsburgh, where Ben Roethlisberger has endured multiple sexual assault accusations, but is still welcomed with open arms by Steeler Nation (and [...]

  2. [...] was a comment back-and-forth on The Good Men Project‘s article about Ben Roethlisberger that I think is relevant here. Commenter “Bob” brought up the t-shirt of one of [...]

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