Jeff Perera of WRC adds:
“White Ribbon asks you to please print and share this in your men’s bathrooms, store windows, schools and campus/residence spaces!”
Visit WhiteRibbon.ca for the original PDF of this poster and for more information.
Comments on this discussion have been closed.
Ending violence, laudable.
Ending violence against women, laudable but narrow
Ending violence against women caused by men, laudable but needlessly arbitrary
Suggesting that b/c of my gender, I should evaluate my capacity to commit a transgression and for which I bear no risk of becoming a comparable victim, outrageous!
And yes men are statistically more likely to be victims in way more categories than women thats just a fact.. murder and assault being 2 big ones
How about we all stop or try to stop any violence against anyone… anytime??
I think this poster is spot on. I agree that violence in all forms needs to stop – physically, verbally, online, everywhere. I strongly agree with Joanna’s point that the overwhelming proportion of violence against women (especially sexual violence) is at the hands of men. My male privilege entitles me to walk alone late at night without the realistic fear of rape or assault (in the same way my fiancee does). I think this is something that all of us, male/female, can get on board with. That’s just a piece of the larger equation which is making sure that all… Read more »
“My male privilege entitles me to walk alone late at night without the realistic fear of rape or assault”
I’ll grant you the odds of rape are lower, but I’ve been assaulted in broad daylight often enough that I flat out refuse to be afraid of the dark.
““My male privilege entitles me to walk alone late at night without the realistic fear of rape or assault.”
Apparently are you unfamiliar with violent assault data? You are three times more likely to be a victim of violent assault and murder than a female. Only in feminism could that be called a privilege.
>My male privilege entitles me to walk alone late at night without the realistic fear of rape or assault (in the same way my fiancee does) Most victims of violent crime are male. This is ESPECIALLY true if you’re focusing specifically on crimes committed by strangers. Men have the “privilege” of feeling unafraid (to the extent that actually do feel that way; not all men share your privilege- the genuine privilege- of thinking of violence as something they have no reason to fear) because violence against them isn’t considered worth worrying about, to the point that women’s fear and discomfort… Read more »
Also, in support of white ribbon month:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/celebritynews/9537467/Sir-Roger-Moore-James-Bond-actor-beaten-up-by-first-two-wives.html
Roger Moore speaking about the abusive relationships he was in, airs on the 14th on BBC America. I’m interested in Pierce Morgan’s take, since he also laughed about Russ Kemp being abused by his wife.
Guys, we also need to think about issues like DV or anything else less as an “either, or” and more of a “both, and”… We can support BOTH violence against men AND violence against women. They don’t negate each other. We aren’t talking about funding here, if you read the poster it’s about what individual men can do to support the females in their lives. That’s a GOOD THING. One does not negate the other. That’s a simple, almost childish way to look at it. Let’s ALL support one another without turning it into a competition. If I speak out… Read more »
Guys, we also need to think about issues like DV or anything else less as an “either, or” and more of a “both, and”…
That will never happen as long as the term “violence against women” exists. When violence is considered wrong, and is no longer glorified, even when the victim is male – then, and only then, will headway be made for female victims. What VAW advocates don’t get is that it’s all connected.
I agree it’s all connected, just like all cancers are connected. But sometimes we specialize in order to get to the more specific roots of the different variations.
That’s all that’s happening here. No one is taking anything away from you.
Is it white ribbon month again? Has there been any similar campaign made yet asking women to stand up against abuse of men? Good advice but I’d drop the gendered langauge, these are tips all humans should follow to help stop violence against all people. Violence also begets violence at times, only tackling violence against women will not do much to stop violence as a whole as it flows on in a cycle in some cases so unless you also stop violence against men then what is stopping that continued cycle? It’s in everyone’s best interests to stop violence against… Read more »
Spot on, Archy. I believe violence is wrong. Period. What about “6 things you can do to prevent violence?” Instead of making it us vs them, it covers all the bases. Of course, this would require large and powerful special interest groups to give up the bogus concept that men are abusers and women are victims.
Archy I think you’re saying something really important – it would be AWESOME to see more gender-neutral posters like this.
I think when we look at how women suffer violence, it’s mainly at the hands of men, so it’s useful to have men speaking to men – that’s what WRC is all about.
That doesn’t negate the need for MUCH more conversation about how to get women to stop perpetrating violence against men.
Honestly, I don’t even think it is women committing violence against men. It is people committing violence against other people. People need to learn to keep their hands to themselves and realize that violence is not the answer. Genderizing violence just makes people get into a defensive crouch where nothing gets done. There was that one post from a while back where it was completely ungendered, and it was perfect!
The gendered approach isn’t actually working, all it’s doing is fueling myths of DV. It’s painting man vs woman, instead of humans together fighting abuse. I can see the merit in targeting misogynistic violence, but at the same time domestic violence isn’t gendered so I’m surprised at how many campaigns are gendered.
I can see the need for it, but I also see a lack of discussing the extremely important part, that reciprocal violence increases the risk of injury for women. I don’t recall seeing any of these campaigns saying that either, basically the stats show that women are more often starting domestic violence altercations and are getting harmed more often/severely from that. Basically I guess they’re picking fights and the size difference is against them, so if they don’t start the DV then they will actually be safer. http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1854883/ has some interesting stats on the matter regardign reciprocal violence. Women are… Read more »
Archy, this smacks of victim-shaming.
This is akin to saying, “Men, if you don’t want to get raped, don’t make out with women”
or
“Men, if you don’t want to get raped, don’t go to a gay bar.”
I mean, come on. Of course if a woman is perpetrating violence against a man, she should be arrested and tried for domestic violence. But there are MASSIVE numbers of DV victims whom we have NO reason to believe were the ones instigating violence.
No, this is not victim blaming. What he is pointing out is that men are often the victim, as he is pointing out times in which men are hit first and are reacting. It is not akin at all to saying “if you don’t want to get raped, don’t go in a gay bar”. It’s more akin to saying “If you don’t want to get raped, don’t rape someone else first”.
Actually the whole example you gave in retort is off-base, as violence is often recipriocal. Rape, as far as I know of, never is.
Archy: Women are starting DV more often than men, and that is a huge problem especially when the violence is reciprocal, so some women are actually helping to cause their own victimization. Joanna: Archy, this smacks of victim-shaming. Think about it like this. When women attack men there is no shortage of effort to try to show that her violence was some act of self defense against said man. Why aren’t men afforded that same consideration? Of course if a woman is perpetrating violence against a man, she should be arrested and tried for domestic violence. That’s the problem though.… Read more »
“Where apparently being a real man means not protecting yourself?” [Why the double standard… etc] Dude. Really? To answer your question: because when I was 15 my mother raised her hand to me after I back talked her once too often, and I deserved a little straightening out. But at 15 all I had to do was look at her and she remembered that even as a relatively underdeveloped teenager I could break her in half faster than anyone could call the cops. Thank *whomever* that I, and most of us, grow up and never act on that impulse. If… Read more »
“If you actually are a guy who can’t figure out how to “defend yourself” by simply grabbing her hands and holding them down by her sides: *do a push up.*” If you do that, YOU will get arrested and be labeled as a Chris Brown. Here is what has happens every day: You say or do something that enrages her, she goes off, wailing on you, punching, kicking, biting – you grab her arms to stop her, she pulls away, twisting her arms to get away from you, gets slightly hurt and slightly bruised. She then calls the police, shows… Read more »
Yes Dude. Really. Your story, as harrowing and dramatic as it may be, is nowhere near what I was talking about in terms of protecting yourself. Now let’s change things up a bit. Let’s say that your mother had a history of actually abusing you rather than your fluffy scenario of being punished for talking back to her too much. If in that situation would it have been self defense if you had broken her in half? I’d like to say yes it would have been but given frankly the only reason it would be called so is because of… Read more »
Danny – if a 100lb woman hits a 180 lb man, let’s say she slaps him, is he justified in punching, choking or killing her? Because that’s the reality we’re talking about. If my 5 year old hits me in the middle of a tantrum (still happens, rarely) am I justified in punching him? Should I say, “You shouldn’t have hit me?” I mean, the weight difference between him and me is actually only 60lbs. Of course he is a child and a wife is not, she should know better. I’m SIMPLY talking about size and power. Women who are… Read more »
The correct analogy would be: if you don’t want to box, don’t get into the ring. As attacking somebody is exercising your agency to inflict harm on somebody else. The defender is not (or should not) be responsible for your safety in this instance. This is not about victim shaming, but correctly calling out women *exercising* their agency to be horrible people and as a consequence putting themselves in harms way. There are (and have been for 30 years) credible studies to show that women initiate a hair more unprovoked DV attacks than men. Studies show the #1 indicator of… Read more »
First off, great article by the way. The 6 points are bang on. As for negative comments such as these ones.. which people are entitled to, I ask only this.. Aside from trolling threads like this to bash them, may I ask what you have done concretely in the real word to improve visibility for male victims of violence? In Ottawa, as one example of many, I have been working with the Ottawa coalition to end violence against women for 4-5 years now. During my support work I often speak with men,or friends of men that share your legitimate concerns… Read more »
I love this comment. Each of us has to decide if we are generalists (working for social justice as a whole) or specialists (some working on LGBT, some working on women’s issues, men’s issues, civil rights issues, etc) and realize that because there are structures in place for one type of support doesn’t mean that other’s can’t be built alongside. That’s intersectionality where specialists can learn to work together and create a more general well being. I for one would love to see violence against men end in the following ways-cessations of war hostilities, more adequate mental health programs and… Read more »