Reddit Asks: What Are Some Things All Guys Do?

 

This is too damn funny.

Reddit user Redditteej23 asked all the fellas over at AskReddit which things they were sure all guys do, or have done.

And some of the answers are awesome.

So, men of GMP—are the Men of Reddit correct?

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When I’m in the shower, I day dream about criminals breaking into my home to harm my family and how I would be a hero and fucking kill all the bad guys. I’m an adult man and have been doing this since forever.

Scratch and/or rearrange your junk through your pants pocket.

Discover a wild nose hair that has breached your nostril, and rip it out with your fingers.

The glorious outdoor piss. Most girls will never experience the sheer ethereal elation that emerges from the deepest pits of your manliness as you bequeath your stream to nature’s gentle caress.

Fantasize of the scenario of how you’d stylishly disarm, ninja-fight, and incapacitate the crazy gunman that just took over your office/classroom/crowded place, while everyone watches and all the women visibly swoon over your manliness.

Find attractive girls wildly more attractive if you know them in real life versus pictures.

The “Al Bundy”: tuck one hand into the waistband of your pants, with the thumb sticking out, usually while reclined on the couch. If there’s a more comfortable way to watch TV, I haven’t found it.

Here’s a classic man moment: When your girlfriend drags you to a women’s clothing store and you and some other miserable bastard who is also chained to his girl lock eyes and shrug.

♦◊♦

So how ’bout it guys? Are these guys right?

What would you add?

For more fun, visit the original Reddit thread, and HyperVocal’s amazing (and perhaps a bit shocking?) list of 61 Disgusting Things All Women Do.

Nostril photo Flickr/greggoconnell

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Comments

  1. Chris Anthony says:

    All these things I have done. LOL.

  2. I drink water, so do most men:P

  3. I laughed the whole way through this especially about ninga fighting a bad guy ..hahaha so true.

  4. I’ve never been to a clothing store with my girlfriend because I am gay- I guess that means I’m not a real guy. Shucks.

  5. And all men enjoy a good wank. Women (I’m told) think that men only jerk off out of desperation. In actuality, however, jacking-off is no more meaningful than opening a beer. It just feels good.

    • I wholeheartedly agree, trouble is, I was raised on GUILT! My father said, “Leave yourself and the girls alone.” I don’t think he ever realised what option that left me!

    • Yes women really don’t get this. They think there is a much deeper meaning to it. I on the other hand cannot understand how women can tolerate not masturbating. Don’t they get pent up?

  6. “When I’m in the shower, I day dream about criminals breaking into my home to harm my family and how I would be a hero and fucking kill all the bad guys. I’m an adult man and have been doing this since forever.”
    I don’t have a family, but I have been fantasizing single-man variants since forever as well.

    “Scratch and/or rearrange your junk through your pants pocket.”
    Many times.

    “Discover a wild nose hair that has breached your nostril, and rip it out with your fingers.”
    I confess, I use nail-scissors.

    “The glorious outdoor piss. Most girls will never experience the sheer ethereal elation that emerges from the deepest pits of your manliness as you bequeath your stream to nature’s gentle caress.”
    Many times – one of life’s simplest yet greatest pleasures.

    “Fantasize of the scenario of how you’d stylishly disarm, ninja-fight, and incapacitate the crazy gunman that just took over your office/classroom/crowded place, while everyone watches and all the women visibly swoon over your manliness.”
    Many times – although much less so during the past few years as I now work from home and I live alone.

    “Find attractive girls wildly more attractive if you know them in real life versus pictures.”
    Many times.

    “The “Al Bundy”: tuck one hand into the waistband of your pants, with the thumb sticking out, usually while reclined on the couch. If there’s a more comfortable way to watch TV, I haven’t found it.”
    Not sure if I’ve done this.

    “Here’s a classic man moment: When your girlfriend drags you to a women’s clothing store and you and some other miserable bastard who is also chained to his girl lock eyes and shrug.”
    This had happened to me yet, although I’ve heard this horror story from several others.

  7. Damn, I’m 20 and I was hoping that Ninja fantasy bullshit would go away eventually…

  8. All of these! Especially the ninja one. I think deep down inside all men wish they were a Jet Li character.

  9. The Ninja and the shower one are just variations of the same thing. My personal daydream in that vain is planning the most effective route round the building I work in to clear it of bad guys using nothing more than office supply’s.

  10. Haha, from the list on reddit, not pulled out above:
    Procrasturbating. Whacking off when you have something better to do but don’t want to do it.

  11. “Spend more time trying to find the ‘right’ porn than actually masturbating”

    LOL LOL THIS THIS!!!!!! sometimes searching for porn could be last hours and masturbating only last minute lol.

    “When you take a shit you make sure your dick doesnt touch the toilet.”

    LOL, i remember once my dick touch it and get so freaked out and immediately cleaned my dick with so much soap lol

    “Fantasize of the scenario of how you’d stylishly disarm, ninja-fight, and incapacitate the crazy gunman that just took over your office/classroom/crowded place, while everyone watches and all the women visibly swoon over your manliness.”

    haha, since i was a kid until now, those kind of fantasies never gets old.

  12. One thing that stood out to me as I read the list: Y’all have complex relationships with your penises. I find it fascinating. Maybe because they’re external and therefore very in-your-face every time you’re naked or going to the bathroom? Maybe because they do all sorts of interesting stuff of their own will? Maybe because they’re just fun to play with? I dunno, it just seems like men spend more time thinking about/interacting with their penises than women do with their genitals. I wonder, if a similar list were made for women, would masturbation habits show up as much, or would there be as many mentions of our various parts?

    Oooooo I’m gonna go over to my other guilty pleasure Internet time waster site which is mostly female-populated and try to get a thread started on the forum. I wouldn’t feel right sharing it here without their permission but I’m just dying of curiosity.

    • High high sex drives + great feeling from orgasms = lots of masturbation. If anything it’s a sign that the guys commenting here probably aren’t getting laid enough?

      Women masturbating less could be a sign that women’s need for sex is met far more than men’s, that on average their desire for sex is lower and thus more men masturbate more frequently. I am at least once a day yet women I’ve known have usually been once a week if that.

      • Personally I think getting laid and masturbating fulfill somewhat different needs. Same core need – sexual release – but with nuances. I’m sure people who don’t have sex frequently enough for their liking probably masturbate more, but even someone with a satisfying sex life probably enjoys a little solo time, right? Like you said, it’s relaxing, it feels good, and getting it out of the system can help one go on with the rest of one’s day. I know that a lot of the time when I get the impulse, I feel I have to follow through with it or it will distract me for the next few hours. The satisfaction I get from solo time vs. partner time is different. Hard to explain how exactly, but that’s just my impression.

        Sometimes I’ll find my hands wandering southward when I’m doing something completely nonsexual too. A lot of the time it’s just idle touching, not “true” masturbation intended to create mounting pleasure and lead to orgasm. It tends to happen a lot when I’m reading. And the subject matter can be anything – I once did it while reading about the Kennedy assassination for a school assignment. (Hey, while we’re confessing our secrets…) I think that speaks to the relaxing aspect of it. When I do get some down time to read, it is relaxing, which I guess leads me to relax in other ways too without even being very conscious of it until it’s already underway.

    • Oh now KKZ. You’re going to take something from this thread over to another space but not extend the courtesy in the other direction?

      Y’all have complex relationships with your penises.
      Yes we do. There’s a lot more going on besides “I must put it in as many women as possible.” that has propped up way too many times as the representation of the relationship between a man and his penis.

      Remember than unlike women and their genitals we are simultaneously taught they are a vital part of our gender identity in terms of sex (as in a real man goes after all the women he can) and that they are a vile weapon used to hurt women. Now I know that women are taught that their genitals are dangerous but I think there is a bit of a difference between creatures from science fiction (vagina dentia, alien creatures that look like vaginas, etc….) and having ones genitals likened to actual weapons (because according to a good number of people things like swords, guns, and missiles aren’t shaped the way they are because of things like efficiency, no they are representations of the penis).

      • Well, technically I’m taking the Reddit thread over to the other community. This article just brought that thread to my attention. The community over there is rather more intimate than both Reddit and GMP and I think I might make some enemies if I were to take our forum post there and bring it back here…but maybe I could blog about the findings without revealing anyone?

        Vagina dentata, I thought, was more about a male fear of the female sex than about women thinking their own vaginas are dangerous? But I don’t know a whole lot about that.

        What I do know is that the word vagina comes from the Latin word for “sheath” so the penis to sword comparison sort of makes sense in that context. I think the whole “swords/guns/missiles are phallic representations” thing is a pretty silly. I mean, it’s sort interesting to muse about in a poetic/philosophical way, but then again, so is astrology, and I put no great stock in that either.

        What Interests me a lot is how the phallus appears in the artwork of ancient civilizations. I always loved the kokopelli man from a design aspect, but when I researched it I was surprised to find out it was a fertility thing and that kokopellis are frequently depicted with a visible phallus. My mom brought me back some shot glasses from Arizona with kokopellis on them. So raise your glass and let’s do a shot for penises! :)

        • …but maybe I could blog about the findings without revealing anyone?
          I’d be pretty interested in hearing what they would have to say. Maybe you could do a post here at GMP and instead of mentioning the exact forum you are talking about you could just say, “I ran this past some women I know….”?

          Vagina dentata, I thought, was more about a male fear of the female sex than about women thinking their own vaginas are dangerous? But I don’t know a whole lot about that.
          Vagina dentata itself may be that and actually I think you have a point. It seems that (and feel free to correct) women are more taught that the vagina is no so much dangerous but rather dirty.

          So raise your glass and let’s do a shot for penises!
          Hear hear!

          • I’m not sure GMP is the proper venue for an article all about women (not that we’ve never done it here before) but I can definitely put something together. I have a WordPress account and have been thinking about starting a second blog for my gender-related musings. The thread I started is still pretty young so I want to see if I can collect some more answers.

            Dirty more than dangerous – yeah, I’d agree with that. And maybe not even “dirty” necessarily, but overall ugly. I’m not exactly keen to look at my own parts. A couple times during sexytimes I’ve caught a peek in the mirror and been taken aback. Women are self-conscious about smell and hair down there too, because there are combating messages: “You’re beautiful the way you are” vs. “Shaven is sexy, hair is for 70′s porn stars,” or “Your smell is natural and guys are actually turned on by it” vs. “It smells like fish! Yuck!” (And clever euphemisms like bearded clam or furburger don’t help that much either.)

            But of course we don’t have the monopoly on mixed messages.

            By the way, speaking of smell – penises have a unique scent to them too. I’ve never been able to describe it but I recognize it when I smell it. It’s…oddly comforting? LOL.

            • I’m not sure GMP is the proper venue for an article all about women (not that we’ve never done it here before) but I can definitely put something together. I have a WordPress account and have been thinking about starting a second blog for my gender-related musings. The thread I started is still pretty young so I want to see if I can collect some more answers.
              I can agree with that it’s just that I’m really curious to hear more women chime in on this.

              Dirty more than dangerous – yeah, I’d agree with that. And maybe not even “dirty” necessarily, but overall ugly. I’m not exactly keen to look at my own parts. A couple times during sexytimes I’ve caught a peek in the mirror and been taken aback. Women are self-conscious about smell and hair down there too, because there are combating messages: “You’re beautiful the way you are” vs. “Shaven is sexy, hair is for 70′s porn stars,” or “Your smell is natural and guys are actually turned on by it” vs. “It smells like fish! Yuck!” (And clever euphemisms like bearded clam or furburger don’t help that much either.)

              But of course we don’t have the monopoly on mixed messages.
              True.

              And speaking of smell…let me say that the feeling is mutual about labia.

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  1. [...] a major theme in masculinity, as far as I can determine. When Reddit ran an open thread asking men what things all guys do, one of the most prominent themes was fantasizing about, or planning for the protection of the [...]

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