So our friends Charlie and Andy over at How To Be a Dad ran a video on their site that has gone viral, maybe you’ve seen it… The one of the little toddler boy hugging the little girl over and over and being rejected again and again.
Charlie said this of the video:
There are certain viral videos that encapsulate aspects of my whole life.
This one symbolizes every attempt I’ve ever made at relationships with the fairer sex… …. …. until my wife.
I think I asked for a girl’s number once in my whole life. I wasn’t the popular guy but I doted on the girls I liked.
When Charlie and Andy shared this video on their Facebook fan page, an immediate controversy erupted.
The first commenter said this: “and then i watched why little boys grow up not knowing that no means no, because parents stand by watching this, filming and laughing instead of letting the kid know he’s being a complete asshole.”
Is this true? Is she right? Are we teaching little boys to ignore “No” when said by little girls? Should someone have stepped in and told the little girl to use her words and not shove him in the face?
Is this video indicative of the experiences of guys who want love and are rejected over and over?
A combination of all of the above?
What would you do, were these your toddlers?
How about the notion that we will film anything without stepping in?
If we are going to discuss this in the context of adult relationship dynamics (should we? shouldn’t we? don’t know, don’t care), can we at least mention the fact that women and girls do not owe their time, attention, or bodies to men and boys? Can we not talk like defending your boundaries when you’re just standing there existing and somebody comes up to invade your personal space is some kind of affront to the other person? This idea that having and enforcing boundaries is somehow rude is becoming more and more prominent in our culture for all genders (although… Read more »
Regardless of genders, parents need to teach kids that “No means no” regardless of tickling, hugging, poking, pushing, any kind of physical contact. Children need to learn how to respect each other’s boundaries, or else there is going to be serious problems later down the line. It’s very telling of society that a little boy keeps trying to make physical contact with a little girl and even though she repeatedly establishes that she does not want his affections (for whichever reasons, it doesn’t matter) that she gets laughed at by the adults watching and everyone applauds this kid for being… Read more »
The very first thing that I thought of while watching this video was that this boy is a future rapist. Yeah, I know. That’s a little harsh. But not teaching this kid, even at this age, that you don’t touch someone if they don’t want to be touched is still as important as teaching him the same thing when he’s older.
And if the genders had been switched? What then?
How exactly is forced hugging is sexual, or even related to rape? If anything possibly he’d be a huggerer (made up word to indicate forced hugging) and that’d be classed as assault?
I know it is tempting to say “It’s just children! It’s just a hug!” While they are just children, as everyone else noted, the person video-taping isn’t and should’ve done something eventually. Also one has to remember that a forced hug is still unpleasant, and the reason it is unpleasant is similar to the reasons why rape is so horrible. Obviously rape is far, far, far worse but they’re still similar. Either way one should have some form of consent before touching the person so intimately. Ideally you would have explicit consent, and there are a few people who do… Read more »
Are you seriously going to drop rape into this conversation about toddlers hugging?!? You can explain the discomfort of crossing boundaries without dropping an extremely loaded term into a conversation about toddlers playing around, and your comment looks like an attempt to blow it out of proportion. Quite frankly I think she’s doing a fine job of dealing with the situation herself, although he’s obviously enjoying being knocked down for some reason. It’d be good to have an adult reinforce her though on the situation, but isn’t it also important to teach her to deal with her own problems in… Read more »
The problem is that this is a missed teaching moment for *both* of the kids, not just the little girl. Yes, you can argue that she should be taught to advocate for herself, but the boy should also be taught that no means no. Whatever his reasons are for wanting to hug her, he needs to be taught to respect the agency of other people over their own bodies. Kids will be kids, and that’s fine, but the parents are in the wrong here for not stopping the kids and explaining to them what is wrong with their behavior. People… Read more »
I really think people are reading far too much into this. These are toddlers we’re talking about, I seriously doubt that personal space and inappropriate contact were anywhere near their minds. We teach toddlers all the time that hugging is an appropriate way to show affection, they do it to their parents, siblings, teddy bears, why not other kids?
This reminds me alot of the “rape tag” scare from a few months back. It’s really making a mountain out of a molehill.
What disturbed me the most about the video was how the parents did not step in. Yes, the kids are young, but as adults, we are the ones responsible for teaching them how to interact with people. No means no. It’s very straight forward. As a mother of a 21-month-old girl, I’ve had two incidents where boys have tried to hug her and she pushed them away. To my astonishment, the boys’ mothers not only failed to explain that my daughter obviously did not want to be hugged, but they actually encouraged them by telling them, “Oh, that’s nice to… Read more »
This video obviously triggers many men who have had to deal with alot rejection. Rejection is a wonderful thing. I tell all my single male friends to get to rejection quickly with women. What this means is being themselves, being transparent and being completely honest. Many men make the mistake of not doing this and drag relationships on way longer than they should, trying to be something that they are not so that they will be liked, validated and approved of. This little boy learned that hugs are loving. He is also learning that not all hugs are welcomed. This… Read more »
This. Most people assume that rejection is bad since it is disappointing and painful when it happens, but in most cases it is far better than the alternative. Getting into a relationship with someone you are not compatible with and keeping at is indeed a horrible thing. Suggesting that rejection and break ups are always bad regardless of from whom, implies that all members of the opposite sex are inter-changeable, obviously sexist. Rather you want to be reject by those who are wrong for you, and accepted by those who are right for you. It is still possible to get… Read more »
The problem I have with this video is not the children. As other commenters have said, they are just children and are too young to understand personal boundaries and how to recognize the physical and verbal cues that indicate another persona’s boundaries have been “violated.” I agree the little boy is just having fun bothering the little girl, but if you crank up the audio, you can actually hear the little girl yell “no!” She is clearly not having fun. What upsets me about this video is that the adults simply stood by and videotaped instead of using this situation… Read more »
“What upsets me about this video is that the adults simply stood by and videotaped instead of using this situation as a teaching opportunity.” That’s what I kept thinking, too. The boy seemed to know the person with the camera, and seemed to look towards the camera to see what the response was. “I’m not it trouble? Cool, I’ll keep doing it.” Why just stand there and film it? I can see how someone might find it cute, but I can also see how at some point she’s going to lose it and beat the crap out of him. Besides,… Read more »
These children are probably brother and sister. This is what small children do… They pester each other until finally one of them gives up. It’s an adorable video and people are reading into it far too far.
I saw this behavior all the time raising little kids. I’ve seen girls do the same thing (the situation reversed). One can say that if this boy doesn’t learn those boundaries he’ll have trouble, but who is to say he won’t? Or the young girl in reverse. Kids don’t know about boundaries. We teach them. They learn from adults who redirect them and other toddlers, who push them, hit and sometimes bite. This is not a universal symbol video for all that is wrong with male/female relations (imho). She looked annoyed. She kept looking at the camera, made me think… Read more »
I’ve been told that when I about a year old I had this crush on an older boy (about seven years old) and would run up to him and give him hugs whenever I saw him. I’m not sure how indicative my behavior as a small child was to my dating habits as an adult though. I kind of wonder how relevant the behavior of those toddlers is to adult behavior as well.
I believe what the writer was simply doing in a comedic way, how things were/are in his life with respect to relationships. It would great to take the clip and do a voice over. That’s all it is, a cure video. I don’t understand why anyone is reading more into this.
“That’s all it is, a cure video. I don’t understand why anyone is reading more into this.”
In media, even the most innocent of activities must be made to seem contentious, or fewer newspapers or website hits might be sold.
I think it’s disgusting that there are adults who see nothing wrong in labeling this kid (who is, what two? not even?) an asshole. Really? He’s a little kid. You can’t expect little kids to pop out of the womb understanding personal boundaries. That’s what being a kid is for. Furthermore, when I was growing up, my mother ran a daycare out of our house, and I can remember watching little girls do the same thing (or similar) to little boys (and vice versa, and every combination thereof) Are they assholes too? What the hell is wrong with the world… Read more »
What is wrong is some people in the world want to project their adult constructs upon children. if it had been a girl going for a hug it would be presented as “cute” or “sweet”, but because it is a boy he can be presented as a symbol of men’s perversion. Some people will do anything to advance their agenda that men = bad. If *all* men really were as bad as some people suggest, we’d still be living in caves.
The children are obviously aware of the adult filming their interaction. What we don’t hear is whether the adult is encouraging their activities or not.
For heaven’s sake, they’re just toddlers. People are reading waaaay too much intoit. The little boy looks like he’s having fun. I think he actually enjoys being pushed away and that’s why he keeps coming back for more. He’s not really desperately trying to get a hug, he’s bugging the girl because wheeeeee! Knocked down again! The girl looks a little mad, but she’s not upset or crying. If either of these kids was really bothered by what was going on, they would have started screaming their heads off. How do I know that? Because that’s what tiny children do… Read more »
Finally someone gets it. Looks like the kid probably enjoys being knocked down, they’re learning how to sort their differences themselves. I feel like people are trying to see adult-level interactions in this and thus are seeing potential future stalker/creep but really it’s probably more like kidthatlovesfallingdown. The lil girl will signal when she is fed up, she wouldn’t stay near him! They turn to the glass TOGETHER and she puts his hand on it, that indicates to me at least she still is fine being near him. If she was truly bothered and scared, wouldn’t she cry, run away,… Read more »
Exactly! And she’s probably having fun knocking him down.
“If she was truly bothered and scared, wouldn’t she cry, run away, scream, goto her parent/carer?”
Not necessarily. Not if her parents have a track record of not intervening on her behalf. Not if she thinks her care-taker is amused by it all. It’s never too early to teach kids to respect boundaries.
She’s pretty young. Toddlers of that age don’t always behave rationally as we would.
I agree. This looks like children playing, not a boy trying to violate a girl’s boundaries.
I would say let the have their fun but as Johanna says take steps to make sure that they understand and respect the boundaries of others as they get older,
Wait, so this isn’t toddler sexual harrassment, but instead the toddler equivalent of S&M. She hurts him, and it would seem unpleasant, but for whatever reason they actually like it.
I doubt it’d be s&m 😛 I use to like falling down as a kid, giddy up rides etc. It’s all just possibilities though as I don’t know them, I am not inside their head, I don’t see how they usually play together, and they’re toddlers which is even more random I think.
I put that video on my Facebook page…it’s the story of my life! I almost did not attend a mini-HS reunion with a group of people I totally love because of one leechy guy who followed me around in 8th grade….another guy (who turned out to be a total obnoxious jerk) had to tell him in no uncertain terms that I did not want him stalking me anymore (and the leech got really mad! He then called me “fat” over some trivial unrelated matter…really charming, huh?) …the last big HS reunion 3 years ago, he would sneak up behind me… Read more »
@Leia: Do you post this meme to every single thread; We get it, you were hurt, you are still being hurt and we also get every single interaction with a man, by YOU and the rest of the world , even little 2 year olds is a throwback to when you were hurt.
you hate men, we get, Not sure why you post to a mens site when it is obvious that you hate men so much JUST FOR BEING A MAN.
Are you implying this toddler is a creep?
I have to say that from my personal stance, there are three things at work here. First: Many men identify with the rejection they have felt from women who have, classically, been considered the Keepers of Virtue… their job is to peruse, our job is to reject. It’s an unhealthy dynamic and it sits badly with both men and women. Second: This kid absolutely should have been told to stop after he went in for the second hug. His mother/father/whomever should have lovingly said, “Maddy (or whatever that baby’s name is) doesn’t want to be hugged right now, but it’s… Read more »
I agree with your first, as long as people realize this interaction is only symbolic of the adult rejection it’s reminding me of. To see it as actual rejection of sexual advances requires sexualizing these two toddlers, which I think is bad. Regarding your second and third, I don’t think it’s bad advice, but I don’t think it’s absolute, either. We don’t know the context. If these are two kids who don’t know each other who just met for the first time in public, I think your advice is good and I’d also expect the parents of the girl to… Read more »
Yeesh. That first sentence was meant to say, “…reminding them of”. Freudian slip much?
Hey Marcus, To be honest, I think the entire conversation about whether this kid is a future sexual harasser is literally one of the dumbest things I’d ever heard. These are children, it’s innocent, even if it bugs the girl and he keeps coming, it’s 100% innocent because the kid just wants a damn hug. HOWEVER, I see something like this (as I said above) as a teaching tool with my kids. Anything like this is an opportunity to talk about what’s happening. When I saw this video the first time, before Charlie told me to look at the condo,… Read more »
I see it not as a boy who just really wants a hug so much as a boy who’s enjoying a particular thing because it gets a response from her that he likes. Notice how several times he walks up to her and just puts his belly up against her, not even trying to put his arms around her. I think he’s more about getting pushed back than he is about getting a hug. It’s one of those repetitive little child things they do that makes them so easily amused but that may seem a little obsessive compulsive to adults.