In his classic 1961 novel,
Mother Night,
Kurt Vonnegut wrote,
“We are what we pretend to be,
so we must be careful
about what we pretend to be.”
It’s remarkably good advice, especially for the young people quickest to embrace that author’s bibliography (I read those words for the first time when I was 18). At that age, it’s very easy to pretend to be people we will later on regret because very few of us have any clue who we really are as we enter the earliest stages of adulthood.
Many of us find ourselves bluffing our way through our 20s, adopting the disguises that intrigue us and suit our immediate purposes. Some of us like what we become and stay that way for the rest of our lives, but many of us end up looking back at that time with a weary regret made possible by the eventual discovery of our true selves.
And when you consider how many of us go through this exact same experience, you would think that we would be more forgiving of the mistakes and thousand natural fuck-ups we all end up committing during this period of our lives, but we really aren’t—which is why Vonnegut’s advice is also a warning.
This is especially true in this era of social media, where all of these dumb mistakes often end up being recorded permanently on the Internet—where they can never be erased or forgotten. We now warn our children to be very careful of what they document and share with the world, lest it permanently affect how they are judged for the rest of their life. We urge them not to take pictures and show them to their friends. We tell them not to publically air their personal and potentially unpopular thoughts. We suggest that if they do anything online, they should do so under a pseudonym.
The one thing we don’t do is question the idea that it is acceptable to judge a person not by who they are now, but by who they were in the past. Instead, we all seem to accept that it isn’t completely fucking ridiculous that a 40-year-old be denied a job because of a picture they foolishly posed in when they were 19 or that a band’s entire musical and philanthropic output be dismissed because of a terrible song they recorded when they were 22.
If that last example seems kinda specific, it’s because it is.
This whole post was inspired by some comments I’ve encountered the past few days regarding the legacy of the Beastie Boys in the face of their controversial position regarding the use of their music in a popular and moving toy commercial. The argument is thus: The fact that they ever recorded a song as unapologetically misogynist as “Girls” essentially negates any positive social impact they may have had following its release.
It would seem that the company who made the commercial supports this analysis, its argument seemingly hinging on the idea that they were justified in ignoring the wishes of the deceased Adam Yauch to never have his music used for commercial purposes because they did so in a manner that parodied an obviously sexist song—their activism trumping his deathbed request.
That’s debatable—and likely will be until everyone has to step away from their blogs and Twitter accounts to celebrate turkey day with their families—but where I take issue is in the idea that everything the group did after that recording was meaningless and forever invalidated by that one specific mistake.
For while it is true that in 1986 they released a song that said:
“Girls – to do the dishes
Girls – to clean up my room
Girls – to do the laundry
Girls – and in the bathroom
Girls, that’s all I really want is girls”
It is equally true that eight years later they released a song that said:
“I want to say something that’s long overdue
The disrespect to women has got to be through
To all the mothers and sisters and the wives and friends
I want to offer my love and respect to the end”
But words are easy, right? They are, which is why the group should also be judged by their actions. Such as the fact that when they toured with Prodigy, they asked the band to not perform one of their most popular songs–“Smack My Bitch Up”–specifically because they found its implication of gendered violence offensive. Or that they refused to include either “Girls” or the even more popular “Fight For Your Right” on their greatest hits album or perform them live in concert. That they did in fact apologize with both words and deeds for the offense, which they clearly regretted.
Back in 1986, Adam Yauch, Michael Diamond and Adam Horowitz all pretended to be guys they eventually discovered they weren’t. They were young and their pretending was so popular it made them famous and they could have easily carried on that path for the rest of their careers. But they didn’t. Just three years later they released “Paul’s Boutique”, an album that was everything “License to Ill” was not. That was all the time they needed to recognize their mistakes and to start growing up.
They are not the example we should be denouncing; they are the example to which we should all be aspiring.
Because all of us make mistakes—and though we may be what we pretend to be, we won’t always be what we pretended to be.
To argue otherwise is to set an ideological purity test virtually no one could ever pass. One that insists we spend our entire lives not being human, but instead perfect exemplars of the specific ideals we will eventually advocate. It’s an impossible standard—one that we seem to set specifically so we can avoid the potential messiness of actual debate and instead replace it with much more convenient wholesale dismissal. “I’m not going to argue with you about this, because you said a stupid thing once and therefore everything you’ve said since is suspect.”
I believe we have to stop accepting the idea that it is reasonable for a person’s entire life to be compromised based on the follies of their youth, especially if they can prove that they have worked tirelessly to repair any damage they may have caused.
Does that mean every youthful transgression should be forgiven? Of course not. There are some acts so horrible that they would require a dozen lifetimes to be redeemed. But by refusing to forgive much lesser crimes we do a disservice to the present in the name of the past and we ignore an aspect of humanity that should be celebrated rather than dismissed—our capacity for growth, change and enlightenment.
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I absolutely do not want to be judged for how I acted in my younger days. Yikes. Good thing social media wasn’t as much of a thing then.
What baffles me about this whole thing is that there are so many songs that exist that are misogonistic to women and no one says boo. Men don’t. Women don’t. Fans support that kind of music sometimes.Yet Beastie Boys, making amends for past failures, taking a better position and thankfully growing into better human beings, are actually criticsized. I wonder if Jay-Z will ever come out apologizing to Blue Ivy or Beyonne about his infamous…”I got 99 problems but a ***** ain’t one”..song..or alot of his tracks for that matter. Unfortunately I’ve found, it usually takes a man to have… Read more »
I do understand feminism. I taught at a college for 25 years, for God’s sake, including teaching a course on gender issues with an ardent feminist. I am talking about BOYS, not men. One day people will see that they have been unfairly neglected for at least the last two decades, and they are not doing great. And as far that link you sent me, I have not been been a d**ck to women. You can ask all the women I taught. You can ask all the women who have known me, you can ask my three daughters-in-law, and you… Read more »
Mark, you ARE good to girls and women and I know you and can attest to that.
However, I just don’t think that’s the point of Allan’s piece. He’s talking about the ways in which society holds people to this unrelentingly high standard for most people.
Great post, and maybe years from now, we fathers and grandfathers of men and boys can forgive feminists who write books like “Are Men Necessary?” and “The End of Men.” And we can extend that to the feminist mothers of boys who continue to advocate strongly only for girls when their own sons, or friends of their sons, suffer in schools that are clearly not boy friendly, and when, compared to girls, they are largely neglected by the society in which they have grown or are growing up.
You somehow think that society treats women better and that men get the shit end of the stick, but you know what? I forgive you.
You’re the best, Alexa. Don’t let anyone tell ya different.
Thank you, Mr. Mott.
I’m talking about BOYS, not men.
Doesn’t anyone read anything about how they are not doing so well, right up until at least college?
Does anybody care?
Some boys are doing great. Some boys are suffering immeasurably. Young Black boys are among the most marginalized children in the country (second only probably to undocumented immigrants’ children).
But there are boys born with extraordinary privilege and young men are still going into the most highly profitable specializations.
Yes, boys need attention in schools. But not all boys are suffering.
But if you look at the lower levels of education you’ll see that boys are very much lagging behind. Sure you can say that not all boys are suffering but you can also say that not all girls are suffering as well (but that certainly doesn’t stop the conversations on doing something to help girls). But I think Mark brings up a good point and Alexa’s dismissal is a telling remark. Mark points out that boys (tomorrow’s men) are not doing so well and Alexa counters by saying that today’s men are doing fine and then ever so graciously offers… Read more »
Mark, you have clearly missed the point of this piece, which is about empathy, objectivity, taking a very real look at one’s self and those around you — and understanding the context in which certain things are said and done. You also don’t seem to understand feminism, those of us who identify with it and why – and I find that very sad. I’m going to refer you over to this but I’m not sure you’ll care very much about it. Have a nice Thanksgiving. http://t.co/IDJHNbL4GR
ALL THE +1s, LIKES and FAVORITES to Barrie’s comment. Thank you!! Great piece, Allan 🙂
diggIT
I absolutely LOVED this piece. As someone active within radical communities that often fight for social justice/activism, this is a mentality I see quite a bit. Folks are immediately inclined to disregard or invalidate sometimes when a person chooses to speak up or speak against oppression of some form. Especially on the internet, the accuser will occasionally resort to ad hominem attacks on the person speaking and are quick to judge their past words or actions. For example, I’ve seen too many a time someone decide to speak up for marriage equality or LGBTQ+ rights, only to be critiqued by… Read more »
I’m giving this comment a standing ovation, Barrie. You hit it out of the park.
Not a fan of their music and never have been. Still…I absolutely agree with everything you said. Everyone says and does stupid things in their twenties (and younger). Hopefully, we learn as we grow older and become better people. Although, as you said, some don’t. It sounds as if the Beastie Boys tried to rectify things by distancing themselves from those two songs. The sad thing is that, at least based on my local radio stations, those are the two songs by them that are played the most. I simply change the station when the songs come on.
The writer seems completely oblivious to the fact that Girls is itself a satire of how hip hop typically presents girls (just as Fight for your right to party was a satire on the hedonistic party scene – which is the reason neither of these songs are performed live). I think it would be wise to not take at face value the viral marketing tricks and propaganda that certain retailers are playing just for their own commercial benefit, exploiting superficial feminists.
I am aware of that, but since the satire was missed by the majority of the audience that celebrated those songs and most people assumed they reflected the band’s true identities, I think my argument still stands.
Can we finally once and for all clear somethings up about this whole BB controversey ,
1) The BB did not sue the company for using their song, the company sued BB to USE the song.
2) The company did not use the song as a parody , the used to song to sell a commercial product plain and simple, don’t try and assign some alturistic notion to why this company did this, they did it to cause controversey and to sell MORE TOYS TO KIDS.
I was merely explaining the company’s argument and defense, John, I wasn’t endorsing or agreeing with it.
Love this post. My favorite line: “Back in 1986, Adam Yauch, Michael Diamond and Adam Horowitz all pretended to be guys they eventually discovered they weren’t.”
As a woman approaching 40, I certainly relate to this eternal truth.