William Wright wants men to join him on the right side of history.
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Okay men, it is time to step up. The random, casual and callous disrespect for women is out of control. And even if you were to say, “It’s not me!” the fact is we have not stood up to say to other men, ‘That’s not cool!”
Social media was all a buzz about Shoshana B. Roberts who walked the streets of New York attracting random, unwanted catcalls. Women talked about it on television and comments left on Facebook posts largely condemned those actions. But it is up to men to tell other men to stop!
I love the women in my life, respect my female co-workers and loyally commit to my female bosses in the workplace. But my wiring of sociological acceptance started early in my life.
As long as I can remember, as a little boy growing up in a matriarchy comprised of my mom and grandmother and two sisters, I would say, “When I grow up, I want to live in an house full of women who love me.” My father left us on our own when I was two years old, with one sister who was two years older and another who was one year younger. So I had known no other love or strength than that of my mother and grandmother.
My grandmother, through a series of unfortunate circumstances was orphaned as an adolescent and endured countless abuse and in her early teens, got pregnant and had my mother at 16. Her husband left her shortly after giving birth and she was forced to carry on, as she said, “Cleaning white folks’ houses.” She raised my mother as a single teenaged parent. This was in the 1920’s.
So my mom grew up with my grandmother almost like sisters. Their bond was close, forged in the fire of male domination and gender disappointment. So when I came along, the only male child in three generations of my family, they wanted me to be different. Their nurturing love was not borne out of resentment, or anger or urgency that I not become like the men they knew, but our or a special kind of demonstrative love that guided me to respect and appreciate all that was women. The only thing I can remember about my father is a late night booty call to my mom when I as about 4. I remember the scratchy feel of his whiskers and the stale smell of alcohol when he attempted to kiss and hug me. He asked me if I wanted to go camping with him and I said NO! That was it.
In short, my father made no attempt to put his imprint on me, but my mother and Grandmother did. They wired me to be gentle, polite, appreciative and respectful of the women in my family and my life. To love and respect who they are is at the core of my love and respect for all women. And to honor them, I remained true to this ideal. So my life had always been focused on being respectful when I dated, being loyal when going steady, understanding that ‘no meant no!’… being a great husband for the past 35 years and being a fantastic father to my only daughter. I display this and promote this among my peers and friends who know NOT to disrespect women in my presence.
Jackson Katz, the anti-sexist male activist, put it this way… That 3-year-old little boy who was loving and sensitive to his mother grows up to objectify, abuse and becomes misogynistic, what happens? The anti-sexism male activist lays it on the line when he says violence against women is “a men’s issue.”
“These are not women’s issues that some good men help out with,” says Katz, “But gender violence is men’s issues that is masked by the way society differentiates between male and female behaviors.”
“Hey guys, what the fuck is wrong with us? What happened to charm or even dated James Bond-esque vaguely-misogynistic repertoire?
After one hour+ in the subway with Melissa (his girlfriend) this evening the harassment was so fucking pervasive that we had to leave before the two of us got into a physical altercation.
This was not “smile” or “god bless you” or even “you should appreciate when someone says you are beautiful” that people have to deal with on the daily….but drunken, aggressive, in-our-face, threatening, ignorant, disgusting vitriol.
Fuck you new york. Fuck you men. And fuck you weak apologist society that allows this bullshit.”
I can feel the anger in Jonathan and he is right. We, the men of this society, are responsible and should check the actions of other men. One does not advocate getting involved with an altercation in every instance, but we should open dialogues between our friends and co-workers and spread the word that such actions are unacceptable.
In this society where men revel in the adulation of other men, making disrespect for women something to be frowned upon would get fast traction. The group “Hollaback” which is a campaign to end street harassment can’t do it alone.
Be an advocate, be a ‘feminist’, be on the right side of history!
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Follow William on Twitter: @willjwright
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Originally appeared on Will’s blog and is republished on Medium.
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Photo credit: iStock
What is so terribly missing in this ongoing conversation is that basically what we have is a large pool of women are saying, “I don’t want to be treated like this” and men are arguing against why women should be treated like that. And that’s the disconnection. I’ve been having this discussion with other men on other social networking sites and women are trying to explain why it doesn’t feel good to be catcalled and why they don’t want to be catcalled, and a lot of men are calling us curse words and mocking feminism and pretty much doing everything… Read more »
Erin, I think you’re actually undercutting your own point- Whether one actually whole-heartedly identifies with feminism, or whole-heartedly disagrees with it, or anywhere in between; either way, one simply can’t make a good case for catcalling or denigrating people – it’s just not morally or ethically sound, regardless of one’s stance on feminism, feminist ideology, and its adherents. One can be against (or for) catcalling, harassment, intimidation, coercion and all-around rudeness and boorishness, and it has nothing to do with feminism and its ideological interpretations of causality. Feminism, and feminist ideology & its approbation are not the litmus test for… Read more »
My comment did not appear so far. Let’s try to post my opinion again.
I disagree with this article as I do not feel myself to be responsible for the bad behavior of other men or women. It is proven that women are as violent as men. I do not think that being a male feminist makes you a better man.
“Okay men, it is time to step up. The random, casual and callous disrespect for women is out of control. And even if you were to say, ‘It’s not me!’ the fact is we have not stood up to say to other men, ‘That’s not cool!’… We, the men of this society, are responsible and should check the actions of other men.” It’s difficult to debate such an argument that is so insular, but I feel obligated to try, rather than just dismiss such comments as sanctimonious and self-righteous. ‘Stepping up’ is also challenging a morally or intellectually flawed argument-… Read more »
Right on Mostly 123… This article is bull crap…
I applaud Jackson Katz for what he is trying to do. I wish more man would do it. Maybe we would have a more peaceful society and world.
Here is my question, “What is it about all of you (author, other men and the women you write about) that attracts all this negativity and disrespect unto yourselves?”………………….If you want to rid the world of male disrespect (which is all about the circumstances of your life) then perhaps you may want to change the way you choose to experience those disrespectful circumstances. We have zero power over the thinking and behavior of others (because they have free will!) But we have total power and control over how each of us thinks and how each of us behaves. I urge… Read more »
Right on Joe… This article is bull crap…