A lot of bullying these days is cyber, either through cell phones or online activities. Here are five strategies I’ve taught my son to guard him against being bullied.
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November is bullying awareness month, so you may be wondering how you can make sure your son or daughter doesn’t get bullied. It’s way better to be proactive than try to deal with a situation that has escalated out of control. Believe me, I know since I’ve been working in the bullying prevention field for more than ten years.
It hurt because I knew he meant it to be mean, especially with the expletive in there.
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He didn’t look like the typical bully. He was short and had long, red hair. He looked like a very short Bob Seger with brilliant red hair. Right away, I noticed his confident moves and the arrogant way he carried himself.
The following incident happened in the boy’s change room after gym class. Most of the kids had left, and the two of us were just finishing up. He glanced up at me and muttered six words, “you sound like a f*****g turtle.”
I knew I had a high, tinny voice, but I didn’t know this kid and had never talked to him. His tone of voice and cruel look let me know instantly he meant to bring me down, to insult me.
It hurt. It hurt because I knew he meant it to be mean, especially with the expletive in there. He was sending out an attack jab. I didn’t let on that it bugged me. I didn’t react at all. Instead, I just finished getting dressed and left. But I thought a lot about what he’d said. What would motivate a kid who didn’t even know me, to send this random jab my way? How could six words affect me so much and make me feel so attacked?
I knew I wanted to avoid this kid, but I sure didn’t want him to think I was staying away from him on purpose. I would be careful not to give him the opportunity to attack me again. I also knew I couldn’t help how I sounded, even though it bugged me that I didn’t have a low, masculine voice.
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Here are five strategies I’ve taught my son to guard him against being bullied:
1. Show confidence. Studies have shown that kids who walk with confidence and act sure of themselves, get bullied less. Whether you feel it or not, consider your body language and make sure you’re sending the message to others that you’re confident and won’t put up with meanness.
2. Don’t act like a victim. If you act like a victim, you’ll feel like a victim. If you feel like a victim, your body language will make you look like a victim. Bullies love people who see themselves as victims because they can usually get the reaction they want.
3. Choose friends carefully. Spend time with people you genuinely connect with and who respect you for who you are. Don’t pretend you like certain things just to be friends with people. It will set you up for problems later. Find a friend who is genuine and caring. That will be the one person who will be more likely to support you later if you need help.
4. Keep records of online problems. A lot of bullying these days is cyber, either through cell phones or online activities. If a chat goes bad, hit print. If my son sees a threat from someone in a game or social media exchange, I encourage him to snap a photo on his device or print the screen to make sure he can prove he had nothing to do with the potential conflict.
5. React Mindfully. In my opinion, the number one way to avoid being bullied, is to be careful about how you react to bullying jabs. ‘Don’t react’, is the best advice in many cases. Being mindful in this case means to think before reacting, and consider how your reaction might be perceived. Most bullies want to get a reaction when they test the waters with their bullying advances.
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So why, after thirty-three years do I still recall the turtle jab? It was a time when I was sensitive and vulnerable. It never came to anything, or did it? Now I teach to ‘react mindfully’ to bullying jabs. That kid unknowingly planted a seed that would help thousands of others avoid being bullied.
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Photo: Flickr/ Erin Nekervis
I really love this article Bruce. Anything I can use to help me guide my son on a journey through life where he is better equipped to deal with others who express their own struggles through bullying is extremely valuable. We are our children’s most influential teachers, so we must always better ourselves through knowledge in order to teach powerful messages that can allow them to better deal with all that life throws their way.
What terrific advice! I’ve had to teach a few of these to my sons, it looks like I’ll have to have a re-run, though… Not acting like a victim is huge! It’s so easy to get caught up in acting that way.