How I learned the hard way.
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I grew up in what is called a male-dominated society. Men could do and say things and somehow get away with it, at least on the surface.
They could cuss as much as they wanted, drank as much alcohol as they wanted and have as many women as they wanted. It would be looked upon with some disdain, but not as much as if a woman did similar things.
I grew up in what is called a male-dominated society. Men could do and say things and somehow get away with it, at least on the surface.
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It was a different standard or set of rules when it came to being a man.
It was almost seen as macho when a man did them. Needless to say, children, especially boys, copied what they saw and heard.
Thankfully, my dad wasn’t the type to cuss and sleep around with women just for the fun of it as many of his contemporaries did. He was a minister and a well looked upon person within the community. He did have an affair, which led to him being the father of a child by another woman.
Even though he was not the typical cussing, womanizing and the bar-hopping type, he lacked in other areas, or should I say, behaved in other ways that I copied.
Two of the areas my dad lacked in, were that of openly showing affection and being willing to say “I was wrong, I’m sorry, and please forgive me.”
In all my years as a child, and throughout my adolescent years, I cannot recall a time when I saw my dad showed any public display of affection for my mom. He very rarely showed it to us as children. Needless to say, it became very challenging for me to do so as an adult, unless there was something I wanted in return.
The other area that I can almost definitively say I never saw or heard from my dad is that of an apology. Even when it was obvious that he was in the wrong, I cannot recall him humbling himself to say those words.
It became my turn.
I remember the first time I had to publicly apologize to my son—he was about eleven or twelve at the time—was one of the most difficult things I ever did. |
When I became a husband and father, I had to work through these areas. Showing public affection to my wife was something and is something that I have to be intentional about. Saying “I’m sorry, I was wrong, and please forgive me,” is also an ongoing work in progress for me.
I remember the first time I had to publicly apologize to my son—he was about eleven or twelve at the time—was one of the most difficult things I ever did. I mustered everything within me to go to him in the presence of my wife and daughter and say, “Son, I was wrong for shouting at you, I am sorry and would you please forgive me.”
Ugh, that was so difficult.
However, once I did it, it felt good. What a relief. It has since then become much easier as I’ve done it more and more.
Here’s The One Thing: Humility
I believe this is one of the areas that most men struggle—humility. Our ego gets in the way of us experiencing a better way of living. It keeps us away from something we so desperately need —connection.
Learning to say these three phrases will make you more of a man, allow you to gain more respect and draw you into a deeper relationship with others especially your family members.
Become the man that your family needs to see. Start by practicing affection and learning to say, “I’m sorry, I was wrong, please forgive me.”
What’s your story? We all have at least one that gets in the way of us being the man we ought to be. Get help to change that. I did and I’m better of for doing so. You will, too.
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Photo: Unsplash/Pedro Venâncio
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