Save those novel-length texts for IRL, K? K.
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As women, we tend to be verbose. I know I love to talk. Unfortunately, with the advent of smartphones and text messaging, this gives men a chance to communicate with brevity. This can be frustrating to women like myself who love communication and connection. I’m going to teach you a trick that I learned from my girl Allie.
I used to communicate in huge blocks of text. I wanted the guy on the other end to hear my life anecdote. My daily adventures surely must be fascinating to everyone. No, they are not as fascinating in text as they are in person. I am an animated storyteller and people love to hear me speak. They do not (so much) like to read paragraphs about my life via a text message.
So here’s what I began to do. I have a lot of guy friends in my life and they like to communicate with brevity. So I started to mirror their communication style. It’s so simple, yet brilliant.
Here’s an example:
Guy friend texts: What’s up?
Me: Chilling.
Now he’s thinking “what is she doing? what is this chick thinking?” It keeps him on his toes. The onus is on him to think of a conversation starter. Keep your texts brief (like a dude) and you will win every fucking time. They will not know what hit them. The guy on the other end will have to figure out what to say next and you don’t have to do shit.
It’s genius. I swear, I have been living life under the impression that I had to provide details about my life to people all the time when it’s not necessary.
Here’s another example:
Guy friend texts: how’s your day going?
Me: Fine.
Fucking brilliant. He’s now got to think of what to say next. I can sit back and let him do the over analyzing. Let’s turn the tables back on him for a moment. I don’t need to be verbose and provide details about unnecessary things. Now, he has to figure out how to capture my attention.
You may be wondering, what do I gain by texting with brevity? It allows the person (man) on the other end the opportunity to examine his inner monologue. I don’t have to be the initiating conversation or digging deeply to try to find out information. By texting one to two word responses it puts the charge on the man in question to come up with witty banter to engage me.
As an alpha female personality, this is liberating to me.
Ladies, stop trying so hard and reserve your words for “real life” when you actually go on a date with someone. You don’t need to give out your inner monologue over Verizon.
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Photo: Susan Murtaugh/Flickr
And read Sarah every week on The Good Men Project!
Decent girls would not do this
What’s Texting? ;p
As far as I understand, it’s a way for people to send autocorrected text to each other on their phones so they can further misunderstand each other.
As a man, I can testify to the fact that there’s nothing more irritating than texting someone who’s replies seem disinterested. I like to communicate; I actually want to read paragraphs of your story. That to me indicates that you trust me. If I constantly have wreck my brain trying to figure out what you’re thinking, I may just lose interest completely and stop texting you. But that’s just my opinion…
Preach it Brother!
True that
“By texting one to two word responses it puts the charge on the man in question to come up with witty banter to engage me.” A lot of women do this, relying on the man to initiate and do all the work of starting and continuing the conversation. It makes them look like snobs. Why aren’t you coming up with witty banter? And why is this post on this site? A site where most men here are probably annoyed already at dealing with snobby women who can’t help carry a conversation and think alpha = being a snobby stuckup person.… Read more »
A woman who says “fine.” sounds like a bitch to me honestly. If she says “I am fine, how are you?” it tells me she actually gives a damn about me too. Your whole article makes a woman sound like she doesn’t want to talk, and doesn’t want him to feel like she cares about him what so ever.
I completely shut down and give up on women who message like that.
So much for being “alpha”. Relationship are becoming increasingly dramatic these days and texting if anything, is only aggravating the problem, which is why I often prefer meeting people over texting. Life’s too short for all the drama!
Or you could just be earnest in whatever you’re writing and be okay with that. The “win” with earnest texting is that you get to write/be who you are. If someone doesn’t like it, then so be it. They can either let you know how they prefer to communicate, or decide they don’t want to communicate with you anymore. My current (wonderful) girlfriend is a huge fan of my novel-length texts. She craves them and says so openly. Which is nice, because that’s what I do. I’m not a big fan of playing any kind of games or having any… Read more »
This makes me sad. I don’t know for sure, because texting wasn’t a thing when I was…well, not an old man. But I can imagine what it must be like for a guy trying to figure things out with a woman, via text. I bet that for most guys, even if it seems casual, it’s probably carefully crafted to seem casual, and they agonize over what to say, and when to send it. At least, that’s the kind of thing I would have done. So now you’re saying you want to go even further to “keep the guy on his… Read more »
I believe this is satire…..it shows how women can perceive the cryptic “communications” many men now rely on in the texting world. It really isn’t communication at all….but when we return the favor, we come off as “aloof”, “cold”, and whatever other labels you want to insert. Most women I know have no desire to “keep him on his toes” like that, but it relays how unsettling it can be when texting is the go-to form of communication guys rely on because it “counts” as communication to them, but it actually conveys “too busy for you and this “relationship””.
Ok then. I need to go re-read this piece then. Either because something about this attitude hit too close to home, or because I read this before my first coffee of the morning, the satire aspect of it was a giant “whoosh” over my head.
Ah. Maybe you’re right. Will re-read as Anthony says…
That’s so funny, Sarah. I guess I text like a guy naturally… LOL I just don’t like texting so I only communicate what’s necessary. I am the oddball, but FB messaging is quite another story. My guy friends AND I write novellas to each other.
Just fucking say what you mean and mean what you say. Stop playing stupid fucking games and just be honest and open for once your life. It’s not that fucking hard. Grow up and out and act like an evolved human instead of a perpetual prepubescent.
So , why don’t you people use the phone to call others and talk?
I am on my third smart phone now. And all smartphones are perfectly useful for calling others ..after a short text to ask if they are available ( or want ) to talk.
Why all this texting ?
I just don’t get it.
KIM,
I’ve dated women that preferred phone calls, for sure. My current GF seems to prefer text. I think everyone is different this way. I will say that texting throughout the day is a great way to stay in touch without interrupting your SO’s work day, too.
Each return reply is a little gift, but you don’t know when you’ll get the next one.
Yeah, it’s about being respectful of time, and the asynchronous nature of text. It lacks in immediacy, personal connection, and nuance, but it allows both people to follow up in their own time if they’re busy, and lets them think more about their responses, crafting them into something meaningful. Whatever works.
Personally, I appreciate all those aspects of text, but I’m an audio engineer, so I gradually sink into despondency when I don’t get to hear the voices of people I care about for a long time. So there’s that too.
Yes Anthony , to hear the voice !
It tell us SO much about the other person , how he is feeling.
The voice can be read just like we can read each others facial expression. The voice .
Some even say it is more painful emotionally to loose ones hearing than to loose the eye sight ..and maybe because the human voice connects us to each other .
And it is fashionable to text .. but I don’t care . I don’t like it and refuse to adapt !
KIM,
Using a phone to call and actually talk to someone?
That has to be unheard of in at least the last decade or so!
Surely you must be joking…