Brian Boland reflects on what it means to ‘balance’ family and military service.
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There are no easy answers.
There is an image which comes to mind: a husband returns from his time overseas to a wife dressed in her Sunday best, her hair perfect, a smile beaming across her face. A child, or two perhaps, also well dressed, running across a tarmac into their father’s arms.
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There is an image which comes to mind: a husband returns from his time overseas to a wife dressed in her Sunday best, her hair perfect, a smile beaming across her face. A child, or two perhaps, also well dressed, running across a tarmac into their father’s arms. It is the quintessential ‘return’ from duty that every evening news anchor loves to gush over.
Frankly, it infuriates me. It’s so far from an accurate portrayal of what military life is like—nothing could be further from the everyday truth. A more appropriate news piece would feature the all-too-familiar shoddy email connectivity, or scratchy phone call revolving around a bill . . . late and unpaid; or the heater crapping out again (yup, happened to me while I was in Central America—on New Years Eve, no less), or the growing frustration and unanswered question: “When are you coming home?”
Frankly, it infuriates me. It’s so far from an accurate portrayal of what military life is like—nothing could be further from the everyday truth. A more appropriate news piece would feature the all-too-familiar shoddy email connectivity, or scratchy phone call revolving around a bill . . . late and unpaid
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But these are hard truths much better left undiscovered by a news cycle in constant search for a feel-good piece to end the broadcast. In the military, the notion of family and work is most often described as a ‘balance,’ but even that is, at best, a euphemism for the life that less than one percent of Americans choose nowadays. Both, family AND work, are full-time jobs and for one to succeed in uniform, there are sacrifices the family is left to shoulder.
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If there were an easy answer, I would not share it here. Rather, I would write a self-aggrandizing, ten-step book and make millions of dollars. Unfortunately, I don’t have the answer. But I’ve been around long enough to see the various outcomes. A good many do their time, pull their weight, reach their limit, and separate from the service. Others find niches within the military where the ‘balance’ works for them. Still others never find the balance and become statistics in military divorce rates. For the few who make a career of the military, their spouse gets a bouquet of flowers at the retirement ceremony to say “Thanks for the twenty-plus years of putting up with our crap.” Who would say no to that?
Both, family AND work, are full-time jobs and for one to succeed in uniform, there are sacrifices the family is left to shoulder.
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In the end, ‘balance’ may in fact be the best—or most polite—way to describe the family/military relationship. Understand though, each are weighed on a scale that rarely reaches equilibrium. If you’ve served, you know what I am talking about. And if you haven’t, please do me a favor and don’t believe what you see on television.
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Brian Boland joined the Coast Guard at the ripe old age of eighteen because it seemed like a good idea at the time. Stubborn as a mule, he is still plugging along seventeen years later. He is the author of the upcoming novel, CARIBBEAN’S KEEPER: A NOVEL OF VENDETTA, scheduled for publication in October of 2016 and available through Warrior Publishing Group.
Visit Warriors Publishing Group, or find them on Facebook.
Photo generously provided by the author.