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As a male feminist who loves women and as an ally of LGBT people, I have begun to learn that there is an intersectionality between all forms of negativity – racism, sexism, the disposability of men, ableism, ageism and all those other “-isms” that the straight, white, male patriarch perpetuates. The stuff that makes someone racist is the same stuff that makes someone sexist or anti-LGBT – and one needs to ask what underlying causes there are that make the patriarch terrified of change and willing to impose abuse on these people to maintain an outdated status quo.
However, what seems clear is that the straight, white, male patriarch is in the minority. The rest of us make up a huge army who, while not the ones with power and influence, represent the vast majority of human beings living on planet Earth.
Now, at this point, I need to explain something. I am straight. I am white. I am male. However, I am not a patriarch. I’ve never even met one. Nevertheless, I have been reliably informed that I have “privilege” – which is not the “shall I take the Bentley or the Rolls-Royce to the supermarket today” kind of lifestyle it sounds like but simply my ability to walk into that supermarket or convenience store without being jumped on and held down by security guards who think I’m a shoplifter just because I’m black. I believe that I should use my privilege to help those who don’t have it.
So – I have a plan.
I want to create a lounge-style drop-in centre for women and minorities that runs courses, workshops and programs on how they can make a difference in the world by using their connections to create an alternative network to the patriarchy. I am also thinking about doing other courses for straight, white males who want to leave the patriarchy and learn what they can do to make this world a better place. It will be a place for such people to network, find business contacts, make friends, build alliances, create start-ups, chill, relax and hang out. It should be a hub specifically for all those people the white minority ignores.
In particular, apart from myself, every member of staff will be female, LGBT, black, disabled or belong to some kind of outed group, for example, ex-drug addicts or prostitutes. They will all be encouraged to develop their skills, believe in themselves and become whom they want to be in life.
Currently, I am based in Vietnam. All of the abovementioned groups are here, except for black people, who are a rare sight on the streets of Ho Chi Minh City. Even so, there are a few, so perhaps I can invite them in.
I intend to start with the people I am closest to – women and LGBT people. I’ll add the others later.
My plan is for the lounge area to be a place suitable for female networking. Too many men rely on drinking alcohol in bars or doing deals on the golf course – places where women are often excluded or in too much of a minority. To counteract that, my vision is to have an open-plan space with a coffee shop area, some small boutique clothing stalls, massage, aromatherapy, nails and beauty, make-up and hair, some private meeting rooms, an office-style workspace, plus classrooms for the courses and the various programs I want to offer. There will be a significant feminist ethos. Later, when the LGBT people start, they can run many of these concessions and also use the facilities to set up their own start-ups, job searches and business plans.
As the concept expands, I can perhaps open up further branches catering to more diverse clientele, specialising in whatever they need to make their dreams come true.
I intend to reach out to important influencers via Twitter and other social media to garner support. I eventually hope to open branches in major cities all over the world to give an opportunity for minorities everywhere to create their own privilege based on the networks they have made. Awesome!
So that’s the plan. What do you think?
However, you might be thinking, “What’s in it for him?” The answer lies in just one word – BELONGING.
The fact is, I don’t belong to the patriarchy. They rejected me long ago – or, at least, it seems that way, since I’ve never met any of them. Growing up in a female-dominated household, I was blissfully unaware of what other men have been getting up to in my absence for most of my life. To be honest, that’s a blessing. I guess it does no harm to be able to say, “actually, I know zero rapists”.
Nevertheless, I still have to deal with non-straight, non-white, non-male people thinking that I belong to that stupid gang. I have to build up a reputation and earn my respect among these groups. I can’t just expect instant acceptance. Also, I’ve never had any trouble or negativity from these people. No woman ever hurt me. No gay guy gave me any trouble. No lesbian has ever been unfriendly. In their own different ways, I’ve had nothing but friendliness from them and they have done me no wrong.
This makes me confident that they will respond positively to my plan. I need to use my privilege to both protect and empower.
Most of all, though, I want to belong to them. I want to be considered a male feminist, an honorary lesbian, a friend of LGBT people, a defender of people of colour, a protector of prostitutes.
In this way, I feel I can develop MY people and MY tribe, an open-minded, free-thinking, boundary-breaking and stereotype-challenging group of people doing their thing, working on their dreams and being whatever they want, while at the same time being my adopted family, my home from home and a safe place to come to at the end of the day, where I feel I belong and am accepted.
With the platform I plan to develop online, I hope this dream can be achieved. LET’S GET STARTED!
Oliver Chapman, DipCPC, CPT
Certified Life Coach
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This post is published here with permission from the author.
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