When pilgrims introduced the idea of owning land to Native Americans, they were like, what the hell do you mean “own land?” It was completely ridiculous to them. This is mother earth, how can you possibly own her? What does that even mean? That’s like saying, “I own the sun.” No, you don’t, you dumbass.
I feel the same way about love.
I don’t own it. I’m not entitled to it. I can’t buy it or sell it.
Love belongs to itself.
The only love that’s “yours” is the love you give to others. And even that love isn’t love until you give it away. It becomes love in the giving.
And remember, just because you give love to someone doesn’t mean they’re entitled to give it back. Love is not a transaction. It is complete in and of itself.
True love is to love for the sake of love.
Loving someone to get something in return is manipulation, no matter how flowery and cute that shit looks.
So love requires tremendous faith and humility. It takes courage and strength. Patience and letting go.
Trying to control love is like trying to pry open a flower. You’ll just destroy it and look like an idiot.
Stop that.
If the “love” you received in your childhood was manipulative, abusive, or neglectful, you may spend your life as a pilgrim trying to collect the deed on a parcel of love, simply because you don’t know any better.
Not learning true love as a child wasn’t your fault. Don’t be ashamed of that. But not learning true love as an adult is a choice.
You can keep trying the same thing that hasn’t worked, over and over again, using dysfunctional childhood coping strategies. Trying to poach love from the wild and have it mounted above your fireplace. Or you can get help.
The choice is yours.
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Previously published on medium
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Photo credit: by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash