A Heartfelt Letter to an Olympic Hopeful

“I think it will bother me ‘til the day I die.”

While I wasn’t surprised by my Judo Olympian friend’s thoughts on missing out on his Olympic goals (the elusive Olympic gold medal), they weren’t exactly the words I was hoping to hear.

But what exactly was I hoping to hear? What words, if spoken with true love and sincerity, would help me make my peace with this seemingly disappointing chapter of my life?

And, if I knew what those words were, could I say those words to myself and believe them?

After several hours of written reflection on a Sunday, I decided to at least try to take ownership of my own peace by telling myself what I think I needed to hear.

What follows is a letter addressed to me.

If you consider yourself a perfectionist, high achiever, or hard worker, then the following letter may be for you too.

August 1, 2021

Che,

The first wrestling matches at the Olympics started today, and I know how that makes you feel.

In your mind, you were supposed to be there. To represent your country at the pinnacle of the sport. Doing what you love- competing in wrestling against the best of the best.

Regardless of how your day would have gone, you’d have felt fulfilled. Even if your life ended in the very next moment, you’d have walked towards your next journey with grace and no regrets.

Sadly, it didn’t work out that way, and this year’s Olympic games will be a hard time for you.

I get it, man. I really do. One of the hardest things any ambitious person will ever have to deal with is to watch their dreams die.

We nurtured those dreams over the years. We fed them, took care of them, and did everything we thought we had to do to watch those dreams come to life. Those dreams represented a promise. A promise that when those dreams became a reality, our lives would change and all of our struggles would be validated.

It’s hard to watch your dreams die.

But you’re one of the rare few who had the audacity to leave it all behind for just a longshot chance to step into the arena, and I’m really proud of you for that.

Can I ask you something, Che?

Why did you do it? Why did you work so hard?

Why were you willing to go so far as to die for something that wasn’t even guaranteed to you?

Was it because you wanted recognition from your loved ones? Was it because you wanted love, and that they wouldn’t give it to you unconditionally? That you had to “prove your worth” before they paid attention? Before you felt the love, freedom, control, security, pleasure, and recognition that you deserved?

“You better make the Thai National Team.”

“Did you know that Che took 3rd place in the state championships in the US and was the Thai National Team alternate when he was in high school?”

Forget the medals for a second. Achieving anything worthwhile promised you something you couldn’t get on your own.

Or at least, that’s what you thought.

Stay with me, Che. I got you.

Let’s put that demon to rest today.

I know it’s shitty, but your loved ones didn’t say those things to hurt you. They have their own egos, fears, and insecurities of their own. Unaware of them, they projected that onto you.

Good grades, good reputation, good career, and anything else that made them look good. It made them feel better about themselves and their own flaws. Made them look like they knew what they were doing as parents. But the truth is, none of us really know.

Consoling words, encouragement for what’s next, “rational” explanations as to how few people actually make it and achieve their dreams…. you’ve heard it all.

Some of it helps. Most of it won’t even touch the wounds buried deep inside.

So here I am to tell you what you need to hear so that this demon won’t haunt you for the rest of your life.

Here I am to tell you words you’ve probably never heard or felt before.

One day you’ll stop feeling like you’ll never be enough.

But for now, let me remind you that I see you and love you for all that you are.

Not the athlete, not the entrepreneur… all of you. My love for you is unconditional, and nothing will ever change that. All it will ever take for love to find you is for you to exist.

Don’t get me wrong. I’ll be the first to celebrate with you when you win, but I’ll never love you any less when you don’t.

You inspire me. Wrestling was the first thing in your life that you started by your own choice, and you took it all the way. You really embraced your freedom and independence. Even in unfamiliar territory and in uncharted waters, you’ve shown that you have what it takes to stand alone.

Stand tall with clear sight, a confident smile, and fire from your fingertips. Know that you have nothing to fear. (That calmness is contagious, by the way. It’s good for the people around you too.)

You are enough and will always be enough as you are. Forget the projected expectations that the world put on you. That your family put on you. That your social circle put on you. Don’t confuse net worth with self worth. Net worth is conditional, self worth is not.

You fell in love with the craft, risked it all for the craft, and poured your heart and soul into the craft… in return, it gave you everything.

You got so good at it, people had words for the way you move. Blindingly fast. Naturally athletic. Technical genius. They never saw the uncoordinated teenage Che struggle to control his own limbs. What seemed unattainable except by a lucky few, you developed the hard way. You learned how to do it dead tired with your eyes closed.

The love you’ve cultivated for what you’ve developed and the techniques that are truly your own. You speak of the cross hand shot and the blast double leg like they’re loyal friends of yours (the cross hand shot turns ten years old this year, by the way). You nurtured them with such care that they took a life of their own. No one can take them away from you.

And if you ever feel worn out, discouraged, or frustrated along the path that you’ve chosen to walk, know that you can take shelter with me. As long as I’m here, you’ve always got a home. Stay as long as you have to. Close your eyes and take a deep breath if you must. I’m here with you every step of the way.

You may have watched your dreams die, but the life you live now is nothing short of a dream. Don’t be in such a hurry to throw your life away.

And if the growth that you’ve made in the past few years is any indication of where you are headed…

…then keep your head up knowing that 2021 is the last year you get in your own way.

The last year you get in your own way of seeing your visions come to life.

Let go of the chains that you were never meant to carry.

Rise from the ashes and soar.

Fire and faith.

I love you.

Sincerely and unconditionally,

The Best and Bravest Version of You

Thank you for reading.

I hope that one day, you’ll make peace with your demons too (if you haven’t done so already).

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Previously Published on medium

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