Bisexual men: what does your Good Life look like?
Are you married or in a relationship? What does your partner think of your sexual history? Your continuing desires for the same (or other) gender? Is your relationship open to accommodate your bisexuality?
How do you describe or label your sexual orientation or identity? Is the word “bisexual” problematic? How so?
What are the advantages of being bisexual?
How is it different for men who are bisexual, than it is for women, and what does this say about gender and sexuality in the eyes of society?
What are the politics of who knows your sexual orientation?
Send your essays, stories, and feature articles on bisexual men to Justin Cascio for consideration. Anonymous submissions are accepted, but this must be specified in writing at the time of your submission. The deadline for this call is August 4, 2012. Email [email protected] with your pitches, questions, and submissions on bisexual men. Feel free to distribute this call widely.
—Photo credit: salanki/Flickr
I’m not certain if I’m saying anything new, but while I agree with most of what people are saying, I have a hard time understanding the desire to slap a label on my sexuality. Then again, I’ve always had a skewed perspective on sexuality in general. I have both slept with and had a committed relationship with biological men and biological women, and almost everything in between, and the way I look at it is thusly: I’m attracted to some people, but not others. I’m attracted to some bodies, but not others. I’m looking for The One, and I think… Read more »
well as a bi currious man I cant not believe how hard it is to get in the door I been trying and nothing well I dont no look like bi man are really hidding in thr shadow ……
I work for a company and I am sleeping with the CFO. He has me with him in his home office alone while all the other employees are in an office accross town by Movie Tavern. He is bisexual and he has a male partner who knows.
I’m a woman who was just introduced to the term quiltbag by a previous comment and don’t label myself. I’m somewhere in that pretty quiltbag 🙂 I’m commenting because I appreciate this article and especially the comments. Of the handful of men that have initially outed themselves to me under the label “bisexual”, only one seems to act this way so before him, I assumed bisexual was cute code for gay. The other ones I noticed through the years of friendship never got excited over women the way they would for men. I never witnessed them in a relationship or… Read more »
There is a huge diversity of bimen. One of the reasons for the prejudice in the gay male community is gay men see mostly the bimen who “lean gay”. Or gay men who married out of social pressure etc. The bimen don’t exist prejudice is most devastating for bimen who fall in love with women. It has been horrific to have my most passionate loving relationships put into question because I have loved men as well. I think truly the “gay leaning” and “straight leaning” phenomenon has a great deal to do with emotional and romantic bonding. Most of the… Read more »
I wrote the first post above, rather tongue in cheek. However, I was married for 30 plus years and had regular sex with my female wife and we raised several happy kids.
There were several dalliances with men. Thus, logically I always thought I should be classified as “bi”. However, after my divorce over 5 years ago, I find that I really love female companionship but have no sexual desire toward them. All my sexuality is with two or three male buddies. Thus, I generally classify myself as “gay” now.
Just remember that you may be sexually attracted to men, but it is possible to still be romantically attracted to women. If you have not entered a relationship with a man, by all means try it out; it may be hard to have a satisfying relationship with a woman without sex, but a non-romantic relationship with a man is not satisfying, either. It’s an unfortunate predicament indeed if you’re only attracted to men in a sexual way. But if you’re still alive, there’s still time to explore the possibilities there!
I’m beginning to come to terms with something similar, but in the other direction. I’m typically more physically attracted to female body types but typically more romantically attracted to (and, frankly, more psychologically compatible with) male personalities.
But it’s not set in stone. I’ve deeply loved AND had amazing sex with both men & women.
Physical, romantic, and psychological attraction come together in a highly complex equation; I suspect for bisexuals this equation is vastly more complicated – at least it has been for me.
Hi I have a similar complicated equation. As I wrote below I deeply bond with women. BUT that deep bonding also has meant in two instances deeper and unhealthy codependcy. I don’t bond as deeply with men, I get less tangled emotionally with men, but there is also less “glue” in those relationships which has been frustrating for the two men I had at least a romantic spark for. They fall in love with me and I choose to love them because I am fond of them. Difficult to explain but I feel friendship and sexual desire while they fell… Read more »
Other disadvantages to being both male and bisexual: We tend to be treated as vectors of disease and “in-group traitors” by heterosexuals and homosexuals alike. We’re oftentimes blamed for the supposed “jump” that HIV made from the gay population to the straight population, and I can’t count the number of times I’ve had a gay man tell me that I’m NOT bisexual (the situational irony of a gay man telling a bi man that he isn’t the authority on his own sexual identity is never lost on me), that bisexuality doesn’t exist (or “only exists for women”, whatever THAT’S supposed… Read more »
I myself am gay, but I can safely say that I have no such bias. 😀 And I have nothing against straight dudes; when someone falls anywhere out of that sexual orientation, I say to myself “win!” People don’t choose their sexualities, but they do sometimes get the choice about whether or not they can be open with others about it (the main exception to the rule is when people out others). So good on males who say, honestly, that they are anything other than straight; and if I’m attracted to them, even if they’re just a little curious about… Read more »
Mark, the other day I saw your comment on the comment of the day page that featured it, but never clicked through to see the original. Now, when I started reading it again, I was thinking where have I seen this before? (My memory is not so good.)
Anyway, I love the comment. You nail it on so many points.
It’s frustrating enough having to convince your girl/boyfriend after she/he googled bi-sexual.
But maybe there is a problem itself by trying to squeeze sexuality into a box. Yes thats an argument that has been used before. But maybe ?-sexuals should go in on queer theory instead
Well between Bisexual men and women, it seems man actually draw the short end of the stick. A bisexual woman is considered to be open and curious about her sexuality, a both rare and desirable trait. Plus, people like seeing women with women. The vast majority of homophobia is directed towards male couples. For a guy, bisexuality is seen as undesirable in that men’s sexuality is already considered untrustworthy and gross. People also presume men have less fidelity, an idea that is expanded once the options are doubled. On top of that let’s not for get the slowly-disappearing double standard… Read more »
“Is your relationship open to accommodate your bisexuality?”
Um. What?
No, really. What? What is this?
You sputtered?
No seriously. Do you have a question about this?
I am not sure what “accommodating bisexuality” means.
Maybe it doesn’t apply to you, then.
I’m sorry for getting so cross, but (as a bi man in a poly relationship) it’s a stereotype I’m getting quite sick of. Yes, some bi people do prefer to be with “one of each,” but the phrasing makes it sound like by definition, all of us need to in order to be complete.
Again, I’m sorry for being rude.
I know that some people do get defensive to this assumption about what it means to be bisexual: that of course you are also poly, at least enough to have “one of each” in one’s life. But I’ve run into it so many times, and here we both are, two bi and poly men, talking about this, so it’s obviously something worth at least bringing up as a topic, even if we don’t like the stereotypes and assumptions that go along with it. I imagine anyone who writes about this is going to mention all that when they write about… Read more »
Okay, I can see that. Still would have preferred a different phrasing, but I know how difficult that is to nail down.
Incidentally, I’m dating two women, and sort of reluctantly. It’s my long-term girlfriend (also bisexual, though she leans towards women) who insisted on opening things up, and we’re dating the same person. So for me, it’s more about the dynamics in my preexisting relationship than needing to scratch a gender itch. (Also why I say that I’m in a poly relationship, rather than that I am poly.)
That’s the kind of story I wish someone would submit, Tobias. It’s an example of how complicated identities and desires and relationships all are, and the kind of story that I especially like because a person can begin reading it thinking it doesn’t apply to him, and ends up realizing that he’s got more in common with the writer than he thought.
Are you busy? 🙂
You flatterer. 😉
And yes, I’m busy, but not so busy I can’t write an essay. (Daily routine: sleep; work; swim; cook; 3.5 hours of free time to spend with the two ladies. Let’s do this thing!)
Email me: [email protected].
I’m sorry for conflating being poly and being in a poly relationship earlier. They’re different too! My husband and I are poly for different reasons, neither of them having to do with this myth that bisexual men must get sex with both men and women in order to keep their bi card stamped. Surely there are other incompatible “types” that even monosexuals are attracted to, and yet most of those people will still settle down with just one person who has only one or a few of those irresistible qualities.
Being bi-sexual improves your dating ability 100% for a Friday or Saturday night because you have two teams to choose from.
Actually Robert, it doesnt do much because 2×0 is still 0