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Many of the men I have coached have all had one thing in common that have held them back from being the person they truly, deep down want to be, or held back the actions they want to take in the world.
That problem is their over-thinking mind, they seem to have an inability to switch off their rational and logical mind which stops them fully going all in on the actions that move them forward.
For most of my life and even now, my over-thinking mind and it’s fearful thinking have held me back.
A lot of what holds a man back in being a brave and bold action-taker, whether it be talking to women they find attractive or being relaxed sexually.
They are held back from being honest and authentic, setting boundaries in their relationships, speaking their desires and even taking their strength and skill to the next level in a sport they are pursuing is because their mind holds them back, they begin the life-halting process of overthinking.
Fearful thoughts literally halt us in our tracks, we begin to logically break down what could happen if things don’t go as planned.
Am I good enough? Will I be rejected? Will I be liked for me?
What if she leaves me? What if they think I’m a creep for speaking my desires?
What if I can’t satisfy her like she wants me to? What if I fail? What if I make a mistake?
These are just some of the questions that the thinking mind brings into our focus when wanting to take an uncomfortable action in our lives.
Many men are living unfulfilled, frustrated and even angry lives because they can’t bring themselves to be courageous and bold.
Sometimes or even most of the time we can’t seem to bring ourselves to truly live a life that feels incredibly fulfilling.
One that feels that way because we never hold back in what we truly want.
Even if we fail, even if we make mistakes.
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The truth is—
Many men just do not feel like men nowadays as much as they would hate to admit it.
Their lives just don’t live up to the way they know and feel in their hearts that they are truly capable of.
The increase of comfort, technology, and jobs in cozy offices has led men to be softer and fearful over the smallest of things.
They are all head and no heart.
We are often so in our heads that any action outside of our comfort zone is an action that is well avoided, even if it means not living up to true potential or really living the life we actually desire.
We end up missing out, losing out, and underachieving.
The way I see it and the way I have experienced it many, many times is that it doesn’t need to be this way.
In fact, we never have to live in this way again, no man should be held back from going for what they truly want and desire in this life.
Especially when there is often no valid reason for not doing so, many of the fears that come up in our thinking minds have no real consequences.
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There were once men that stood on a battlefield, sword in hand ready to die for what they truly believed in.
There were once men (and still are) that went out for days hunting in all weathers, amongst other predators of the jungle, plains or grasslands to bring food back for their families survival.
In fact, there are men out there that risk their lives for the collection of honey as a delicacy for their family, they prove themselves as men on regular basis getting stung by swarms of bees and climbing up trees of the mightiest height and sheer cliff faces for the very fact that they know it brings them a power and strength within and from this strength their family feels safe in their arms.
Yet we can’t be honest and authentic to the people in our lives?
We can’t tell our partners, our boss at work or even our families what we really want and desire?
We can’t set boundaries with these people that optimize our relationships?
We please others, we don’t want to offend, we hold back, we hide who we really are
We can’t talk to women we find attractive?
We can’t express our desires for these women?
Sound familiar?
I’m going to give you six ways in which you can change this forever and begin experiencing what is like to live as man who knows the road to his true unlimited potential and can look back on his life with fulfillment in his heart.
I know these things really work because I have directly experienced them and I have dedicated myself to inner growth. The journey never ends and I absolutely love that!
1. Breathe as deeply as possible (Especially in the natural world.)
Shallow breathing is part of the modern man’s everyday life, especially within cities where the very atmosphere tells our brain to not breathe too deeply so as not to inhale the toxicities of the city.
When we feel fear, when we feel stressed, when we feel tired and overworked our breathing becomes shallow.
I recommend becoming aware of this as soon as possible.
Like right now.
Feel your breathing, is it shallow or deep?
Take a deep inhale, as deep as possible. Fill your lungs completely, extend that inhale by expanding your stomach.
Then allow a long exhale out completely relaxing your whole body and repeat 5-10 times.
It feels good right?
Recently I was sitting in a coffee shop writing an article and a couple of women came and sat next to me, we talked a little and as I continued to write I took a couple of deep breaths.
The woman next to me noticed this and asked if I had a deadline because of the ‘sigh’ I just did.
I laughed and told her that no I do not have a deadline, I was merely breathing deeply keeping myself within my body and bringing more oxygen to my brain.
This normal process actually instigated curiosity from this woman because as mentioned already we are all breathing without depth and that has become the normal way.
Begin breathing deeply as often as you can be aware.
Get out into nature and breathe in the fresh air, take it in as often as possible.
This process moves us into our bodies, we become more grounded in ourselves, we stop thinking as much, we begin feeling instead.
2. Be Willing To Feel Uncomfortable, It’s Okay.
We as men have to be willing to feel uncomfortable, we have to be willing to feel pain.
We have to be willing to feel fear that wants to keep us safe as we move forward anyway.
This is a willingness to step into the fire because we know it will give us the best life possible.
A life full of fulfilling experiences to learn from and beautiful memories to look back on that will give us an ability to be the person we actually want to be.
In the face of all the ‘debilitating fears’ that may come up.
We have to be willing.
Just like the men who are willing to feel fear and to possibly fail on the adventures they take to bring back food for their families.
Not only do we have to be willing, but we also have to embody the sense that it’s going to be okay.
It really will.
3. Choose To Make Our Lives Fun.
Doing things outside of our perceived comfort zones doesn’t have to be a horrible experience, it can be so much FUN.
The problem many of us are facing within our overthinking minds is that we have to take things seriously, that we have to perform well, that we can’t make mistakes.
For instance, a lot of men forget to have fun during sex, they are so wrapped up in their heads about how well they are ‘performing’ that they don’t even slow down enough to enjoy the experience.
It’s meant to be fun!
The more fun we have and the more we make life a game to constantly learn and grow from then the more we take massive action on our lives and live boldly in the face of our fears.
We get one life in this form as men, let’s f*cking enjoy it!
4. Drop Judgment and Labelling as Much as Possible.
When we judge another negatively, we tell ourselves subconsciously that others judge us negatively also.
The same applies to positive judgment.
When we label people, such as a woman as “way out of my league” or a man or woman as “they successful and powerful,” or when we call people celebrities and brings an automatic judgment to that person and creates separation.
That woman won’t talk to me, she is so beautiful she will just reject me on the spot.
They are famous I would never be able to talk to them like a normal person.
They are successful and powerful, I would feel inadequate in their presence and they would look down on me.
In sports where we are required to learn new skills, we are constantly labeling things as hard and easy.
We say things like “I’ve never been good at that,” “That’s not my kind of thing” etc.
Judging and labeling anything brings limitation to our lives, can we stop it completely?
Who knows? I haven’t yet managed to.
But I have become highly aware of it and cut it down considerably.
The less I judge and label, the less fear and separation I feel, the less I assume and the more willingly I allow myself to experience what comes my way in all its forms.
Try it, judge less and label-less. Feel the changes within.
5. Do Not Waste Your Sexual Energy.
I’m going to write an in-depth article on this over the coming weeks but I want to cover it briefly.
A man’s sexual energy is his life force, it has unmeasurable power.
Personally the less I expend my sex energy and transcend it using Yoga such as Kundalini and other forms of breathing exercises the more power I feel within.
I feel more relaxed, I feel more grounded, I feel more confident, I feel more self-trust.
I feel brave, I feel bold, I feel strength.
I heal quicker, I have more energy.
Sex energy is a beautiful part of being a man, the nutrients and hormones that surge through our bodies from releasing it sparingly and eating a good diet is something to be highly grateful for.
Feel into it and you’ll understand what I mean.
Transcending our sexual energy so it doesn’t control us in its often addictive ways is not the easiest of journeys, but oh man is it worth it.
6. Exercise And Move.. Often.
Exercise and movement is vital to getting out of our heads and into our bodies.
If we do exercises that pull us out of our heads and into the present moment we can feel our bodies, feel our heart pumping and feel our grounding in the earth.
I have also found the more I do exercise or practices that push me out of my comfort zone and I am able to quieten the mind and do it anyway then the trust that I build for myself not only affects that particular exercise, sport or practice but it transfers to many other areas of my life.
We are meant to move, men and women alike.
Our bodies are clearly built for it and what a beautiful gift it is.
Let’s not waste another day not being who we want to be, not taking the action we really want and truly desire.
Let’s not look back on another day gone by with regret in our hearts.
Let’s step up to the lives we have been given and be grateful for that.
Let’s stand tall as men, bold and brave and live the life we were born to live.
I invite anyone reading this to begin now, start taking action on the six things I have given you above.
Begin adding one or two into your life, start breathing deeper right now.
Add some movement and exercise to your day.
Enjoy life again, bring a sense of fun to the tasks at hand.
Be grateful for the pulsing sexual energy that moves through your body and use it your advantage.
Be willing to step into the fire, the benefits are endless, the fear is temporary.
Judge and label-less, be curious about people and look beyond what you see or ‘know’ about them already, be ready to explore another being fully without assumptions.
Be brave, be bold, be courageous.
We are likely to get one life as a man. Let’s not waste it.
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Photo Credit: Getty Images