To answer your first question: Yes. Twenty-three times is the number of times Bill Maher opened his mouth to speak the other night when riffing on Ukrainian President Vladimir Zelensky and the subject of “toxic masculinity.”
To answer your second question, which was actually probably your first question, if we’re being honest: Actually, I’m far from joyless. I love a good joke. I think having a sense of humor about things every day in life is essential to good living. And I often enjoy Bill Maher, even.
I have no idea if Maher believes any of the stuff he is saying or if is being intentionally provocative, but by throwing this out into our cultural-media for consumption, he is perpetuating this false binary view of masculinity.
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I just didn’t like any of Bill Maher’s “jokes” here. And I think they’re actually really harmful.
“But he’s just joking.”
“His whole shtick is being “Politically Incorrect.”
Yes, yes. I know. But racist jokes and sexist jokes can also do harm, and they can further stereotypes and harmful tropes. In fact, jokes and memes are probably among the most effective mechanisms for doing this. You’re always a “hey, man, its just a joke away” from being made to feel like a loser, an over-reactor, or – the ever-dreaded – person “who just can’t take a joke.” We are all awash in media and tropes that inform our culture, and comedy is part of that. Comedians aren’t – and shouldn’t be – immune from criticism.
And speak of toxicity, being purposefully “politically incorrect” can be a pretty toxic thing. I’m old enough to remember having a President of the United States who would say things like “Politicians are so politically correct anymore, they can’t breathe” while making “ethnically charged” (Thanks, NY Times. Read: “racist”) criticisms of a Judge that was overseeing a lawsuit against him. (If you guessed Trump, 10 points for Gryffindor).
Now, I have no idea if Maher believes any of the stuff he is saying or if is being intentionally provocative or absurdist. But at the very least, it is revealing of his mindset and the binary world he lives in and accepts as his reality. And by throwing this out into our cultural-media for consumption, he is perpetuating this false binary view of masculinity.
But don’t just take it from me, though. Take it from the scientists and thought leaders who study this sort of thing:
“Jokes also do something else equally important. They immediately call up the context in which the joke is embedded. In this case, this particular joke’s context includes the two partners’ gender, their relative levels of power, the historical issues around women in the workplace, the male partner’s previous statements about parental leave policy at the firm (or lack thereof), and much more.”
— Mark Greene, Diversity & Inclusion 101 for Men: Guys Telling Jokes
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Some researchers argue that offensive jokes do not have any wider implications – they are inconsequential or “just jokes”. This view broadly sees the criticism of offensive humor as a part of “political correctness”, which is viewed as a movement that encourages censorship and threatens liberty and free speech. But there is psychological research on humor that denigrates, belittles, or maligns an individual or social group that argues the opposite. This work has found that such jokes act “as a releaser of existing prejudice”.
— The Conversation, What Is The Point of Offensive Humor?
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For an absolutely terrific discussion of this, check out the below Twitter thread by Jason P. Steed, in which he explains that “Nobody is ever “just joking.” Humor is a social act that performs a social function (always). . . . A racist joke sends a message to the in-group that racism is acceptable. (If you don’t find it acceptable, you’re in the out-group.)”
1. I wrote my PhD dissertation on the social function of humor (in literature & film) and here’s the thing about “just joking.”
— Jason P. Steed (@5thCircAppeals) August 9, 2016
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So on to the much deserved roasting of Mr. Maher.
The man literally got every single word wrong. That’s really hard to do. But he batted .1000.
If we are being honest, this whole bit could have – and probably should have – been entitled: “What do women want and why isn’t it me?” After watching, the one thing that is clear is that Bill Maher still doesn’t know.
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1. “If there’s one thing we’ve learned from the crisis in the Ukraine, it’s that everybody loves – and the world still needs – grown-ass men.”
Well this is certainly true. Just not in the way that Bill means here. He is talking about “a tough guy” kind of man, a “man’s man.”
Is it just me, or did we not just (barely) make it through the Trump years? Have we learned nothing? Doesn’t the world want and need a better model of masculinity?
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2. “Look, you can go on about how masculinity is itself toxic, or you can be horny for Vladimir Zelensky, but you can’t do both.”
Bill. Bubbela. Literally, no one is going on about how masculinity itself is toxic.
Us: <silence>
Bill Maher: MASCULINITY ITSELF IS NOT TOXIC!
Also, if people are “horny for Vladimir Zelensky,” it’s because he’s a balanced modern man. The viral picture of Zelensky is him wearing make-up goofing around with his wholesome family. The viral picture of Vladimir Putin, by comparison, is him shirtless on a horse.
Finally, what’s with this either or thing? As the famous meme says, “why not both?” Men can actually be both. And different people – heck, even the same person – can also be “horny for” different types of men.
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3. “Could it be that as much as women want to create the perfect man, there’s always going to be a little bit of ‘toxic’ mixed in with our masculinity and no amount of training will turn us into your favorite Twilight character [Edward Cullen]”
This pits men against women and feminism and pushes the trope that its women who want to emasculate and neuter men.
Also, just no. We do not want “toxic” mixed in with our “masculinity,” Bill.
No one needs to accept or should accept or is attracted to or wants “toxicity.”
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4. “There is certainly no denying that there has been a lot of toxicity associated with men throughout history. Oceans of brutality, all of which is horrible. And some of which is why our species still survives on this earth.”
So close to a correct statement, Bill. There is no denying that there has been a lot of toxicity associated with men throughout history, including horrible oceans of brutality.
It is not why our species still survives on this earth.
Our species survived and continues to survive on this earth, quite literally, because – despite all that awfulness – women still chose to have sex with these men.
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5. “There are brave women fighting in Ukraine, but the images of people fleeing all seem to be of women and children, while every able-bodied man in Ukraine is sticking around to fight and maybe die. It’s not always a great advantage being a man.”
Gee, in our media landscape, isn’t it odd that the pictures of people fleeing are women and children and there aren’t images of women fighting?! Weird. (Also, are you saying it is somehow not brave for the women to be taking the children away to protect them?!)
It is true that being viewed as “disposable” in War is a bad aspect of our “Man Box” societal expectations about gender and masculinity, and it is one that harms men. But it doesn’t follow that therefore we should accept a little bit of toxic with our masculinity. In fact, quite the opposite is true.
What it should tell us is that we need to undo these harmful societal expectations that underlie “the Patriarchy,” because not only are they harmful to women, they are also…harmful to men.
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6. “And toxic though we may be, we do sometimes come in handy.”
We can fix things and not be abusive. Really. I’ve seen it done. Also, women can also fix things.
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7. “As much as you may hate to admit it, there’s a direct correlation between all these ‘lady boners’ for Zelensky and the fact that he is what people used to call “a man’s man.”
Is he though?
As noted above, Zelensky used to be a stand-up comedian. He is a gentle and loving family man. THAT is why people got excited about him. Not because he’s “a man’s man.” Because he’s multi-layered and in many ways not traditional.
He’s more Fred Rogers than John Wayne. Or maybe some mash-up of both.
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8. “Turns out after 200,000 years, there’s still a lot of ‘This tribe is coming to kill us.’ And when that happens you want a little bit of Big Dick Energy.”
Got it. So the rationale for why men should continue to be in charge is because we need big strong tough macho men to protect us. False.
And, by the way, Zelensky isn’t “big dick energy,” whatever the hell that is, anyway.
Not for nothing, Bill. But maybe women are more attracted to people who don’t use the phrase “big dick energy.”
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9. “People Magazine’s search for Sexiest Man Alive is over. Last year’s was cuter, but this guy gets women actually hot. So maybe it’s time for relationship gurus to stop saying women are just looking for a man that listens. Because Zelensky isn’t just listening. He’s fixing the problem.”
Sexy is many things. Sexy can be poetry. Sexy can be music. Sexy can be athleticism and physicality. Sexy can be a sense of humor, clever banter, or a brilliant mind.
Also, Bill, as is readily apparent from your monologue (and life in general!), listening is something many still don’t do. We should be better listeners.
And no one has a problem with fixing problems. People have a problem with not listening. Ya hear?
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10. “When there’s a noise downstairs, someone has to go into the dark. And most women – yes still – want a man to do it. And if he doesn’t, or can’t, or won’t, it’s not sexy. Ooh a guy that can’t perform. I’m melting.”
Who hurt you Bill Maher?
Bravery is sexy in men and women. Men and women can go into the dark. And they do.
Bill, meet MJ Hegar. Did you know that women serve in the armed forces now?
Do you know that women often “go into the dark,” in ways that men can’t even begin to comprehend?
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11. “No. You want the guy who says ‘I don’t need a ride, I need ammunition. Because I’m John Wick.'” Who you also want to fuck.”
Ah, good. Glorifying guns. Cool. Super helpful.
John Wick is great. But so is Anderson Cooper. So is Stephen Colbert.
You said “what punishment of gods are not gifts. Do you really believe that?” @andersoncooper, choking back tears, asks Stephen Colbert, as they discuss grief.
“Yes,” replies the comedian. “It’s a gift to exist and with existence comes suffering. There’s no escaping that.” pic.twitter.com/p5rUUhZKxq
— Anderson Cooper 360° (@AC360) August 16, 2019
Check out these Man Cards for more examples of how diverse masculinity can be, Bill!
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12. “That’s why we owe such a debt of gratitude to Zelensky. Forget Making America Great Again. He’s Making America Grind Again. I’d say wives are calling out his name during sex, but they aren’t because wives aren’t having sex. Or husbands. Or singles. Researchers have found that Americans across the board are at a thirty year low for sex.”
So it must be the wives fault that their husbands are having less sex. Got it.
Maybe in the wake of encroaching fascism, a global pandemic, and war, we all just don’t feel like it as much!
Or maybe just maybe guys walking around mumbling about their “big dick energy” just isn’t the turn-on you think it is?
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13. “44% of adolescent males say they don’t even masturbate! Males?! What are they afraid to touch their own dicks, because a gym sock can’t give consent!?”
Maybe – and this is just me spit-balling here – boys and men don’t love talking about masturbation to Bill Maher’s creepy pollsters.
But yes, go ahead and stoke that backlash against consent. Consent is the real enemy here, Bill.
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14. “Since the 1980s American men have literally been losing their testosterone, with levels declining by as much as 1%, along with sperm count.”
I’m sure this has everything to do with the feminization of men and feminism and consent, but nothing to do with our environment.
When in doubt blame feminism and “wokeness” and this crazy consent concept.
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15. “The question is why? Why this sex drought? Well I think the answer may be that men are such pussies now that actual pussies want nothing to do with them.”
Bill, putting up the Incel Bat-Signal.
Sweet.
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16. “It’s the result of having it drilled into us all in recent years that masculinity itself is toxic, and scary, and unevolved, and women don’t like it. And the ones who think they do, they really don’t. And if you’re one of the ones who thinks they do, you’re wrong too. What do you know about you, anyway?”
No one is saying masculinity itself is toxic. And even if they were, it wouldn’t kill your sperm count or make sex less likely. Maybe you’re just not as attractive to women as you thought you were?
Bill is craving the good old days when men were men and men had lots of sex and wars and controlled everything. Bill Marr is not a Trump supporter, but this gives quite a window into how attractive – and regressive – the “Make America Great Again” slogan was and is.
‘Member?
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17. “I think you’re probably committing a microaggression against yourself right now. You owe yourself an apology.”
Here, Maher takes aim at ‘microaggressions.’ Why do we have to care about how other people feel? Why do we have to apologize all the time?
I think I’ll go with the Harvard Business Review on this one:
“People say that microaggressions are small things, but our studies indicate that microaggressions have a macro impact as they affect the standard of living of a marginalized group . . . . Daily microaggressions “create a lowered sense of psychological well-being. They deplete psychic energy or problem-solving and work productivity.” Why? Microaggressions are cumulative. “They occur to people of color from the time they awaken, until they go to bed, from the time they are born until they die”
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18. “When the Obama Administration was trying to sell Obamacare to a skeptical nation, they made an ad featuring someone who became famous as “pajama boy.” This what they put out as an image of the perfect man. The only thing he loves more than affordable health insurance is his therapy cat and Emily in Paris. That ad may as well say “Ask your Doctor if chemical castration is right for you”
Who said that the image used in this commercial was an image of “the perfect man”? And why can’t it be? Because he’s skinny and slight and wears pajamas?
And what about going to therapy is unmanly or weak, Bill? Talk about harming men. Is there anything more harmful to men than further stigmatizing seeking help when you need it.
I watch Emily in Paris. Back off, Bill.
Finally, while I’m allergic to cats, I love my dog. Speak of therapy, dogs can be the best therapy in the world. In fact, if we want strong mental health, we should try to be more like our dogs and less like Bill Maher.
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19. “Women have come a long way, baby. And the vast majority of that has been long overdue and very very positive. But maybe in this one way, you’re a victim of your own success. You can win the battle and lose the war is you harangue men into becoming less like us and more like you, and them becoming something you have absolutely no desire to fuck.”
Have they come a long way, really? I’d argue that we haven’t made nearly enough progress, even looking at where we are five years from the start of the #MeToo movement.
Sounds very…Patriarchal, Bill: “You’ve gotten enough equality. Now stop and and just be happy with what you’ve go and stop nagging me.”
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21. “And that’s not good for either of the 71 genders we now have. Maybe what we need these days is more sex and less gender.”
A parting shot at the LGBTQ+ community. Because, of course, to Bill Maher, gender identity is ridiculous too. If we were all as limited in understanding that others may be having lived experiences that are different than others, this would be a far crueler world than it already is.
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22. “Women aren’t attracted to these girly-men they’ve created. The guy you whipped into total sensitivity isn’t sexy to you anymore. There’s a place in a woman’s heart for the guy who’s learned to suppress his masculinity. It’s called the friend zone.”
Tell us, Bill, where did the bad women hurt you?
Really? The “friend zone”? You do know that’s just an Incel euphemism, right?
Sometimes women don’t want to have sex with you.
Platonic friendships are possible. They can even be rewarding. It’s OK.
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23. “And Men. This is ultimately on you. She’s not holding a gun to your head and making you a pussy. It’s your choice. Stop sulking….So put in a little effort you stupid lazy fucks!”
The “pussification of men.” Right. Because THAT is the big problem in the world.
This is the propaganda of the Tucker Carlsons and Brit Humes (and, not for nothing, but the Vladimir Putin’s) of the world. As I wrote once before:
“The abusers and the bullies – the Christies, the Trumps, and the Tucker Carlsons – are pushing this perverted version of masculinity as some sort of strength, and criticizing their opponents for choosing a better value system, a value system in which the bad guys lose.”
Now we can add Bill Maher to that ignominious list.
Not funny. Not funny at all. Just sad.
TL/DR; now I sort of wish I had read my friend Jeff Cohen’s below Tweet, before investing eight minutes of my life watching this video and then more minutes writing this article. Oh well.
Every Saturday morning Bill Maher is trending over some idiotic thing he said Friday night and I think, “Why does anyone still listen to this guy?”
— Jeff Cohen (@JeffCohenwriter) April 2, 2022
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This story has been republished to Medium.
Photo credit: Shutterstock
This is where you misunderstand comedy and under estimate Bill Mahers audience. A comedian grabs on to one point and amplifies that to ridiculous proportions for comedic effect. That’s what Bill did, and he did it well. An intelligent audience used to taking in comedy understands that it’s up to them to add this nuance. You might think you were giving the necessary backdraft to Bill Mahers point. But it’s already comedy, all of this is already implied. What you were really doing here, is mansplaining.