Yesterday would have been Matthew Benedict’s 27th birthday.
He’d have been just wrapping up his internship at a Buffalo law firm, and the University of Buffalo law student would have been surrounded by his loving family just outside Buffalo, NY, including his father, Bill, and his mother, Anne, and his sisters, Kaitlin and Elizabeth, and brother, Michael.
Instead, this past July 1, Matthew took his own life.
Naturally, his family has been searching for answers: “We have an immense amount of guilt that we carry. Could we have done more? Why didn’t we do more? Why didn’t we help him more?,” Bill wonders. “He knew that I loved him, but it wasn’t enough, recounted Bill. “That was the worst phone call that I could have ever received.”
Matthew grew up in the tight-knit Benedict family, in the town of Eden, New York. He graduated from Nichols School in Buffalo and Middlebury College as a decorated athlete and top notch student. The family describes Matthew as humble, compassionate and always willing to help others: “Just the kind of kid you wanted to be around,’ said Bill. “He just loved life and that is why this is so difficult.”
The family of Matthew Benedict has started an endowment fund to support students and athletes w/ mental health issues. A UB law student and decorated athlete, Matthew took his own life on July 1st after suffering from post-concussion syndrome. Learn more tonight @SPECNewsBuffalo pic.twitter.com/fq0tHyCEgx
— Andy Young (@AndyYoungTV) July 29, 2019
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The Benedict Family is grieving, but they are also taking action.
The day after his passing, they started Matthew Benedict’s One Last Goal, a non-profit whose goal is to help raise mental health awareness, to educate people on mental health, and give others a place to turn. One Last Goal is an endowment through the Community Foundation for Greater Buffalo, and the money they raise will go towards helping students and athletes struggling the same way Matthew did, through outreach, education and awareness.
Matthew himself was self-aware and outspoken on mental health issues, including on his own struggles. “This is something he was passionate about and this is now our mission,” says Bill. “That’s one thing Matt was able to do that most of us didn’t do is he wasn’t afraid to speak out,” Bill said of his son.
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Matthew’s battle with depression began after he sustained at least two concussions on the football field, while at Middlebury College, where he was captain of the football team. “We do feel after that he changed,” Bill said. Matthew’s parents say his family was by his side through his struggle, taking him to see doctors and counselors. “He was fighting some demons.”
The day after Matthew graduated from college in 2015 he started a blog entitled “Start the Conversation Now: Life is Precious,’ in which he described his own struggle with mental health.
It is remarkable, and it should be required reading for every human:
“Although my list of successes is so great, I do not like to draw attention to myself and often get embarrassed in front of crowds or when other people talk about me. I have suffered two severe episodes of depression these past two years. These times have been the scariest times of my life and have lasted many months. Not scary because I was actually scared, but scary because I felt nothing at all. The emptiness was devastating and it was beyond frustrating not knowing what really caused it…
This is also for everyone to realize it is not just psychopaths that suffer from depression. It is teammates, captains, attractive people, ugly people, athletes, narps, guys, girls, and everyone in between. Even the big bad captain of the football team can suffer. Do not follow in my path and be a coward. Open up. Ask for help. So many people you don’t even know want to provide help and care about you. Everyone at Middlebury loves you. This is true for anyone in any community. Be brave. Don’t let social pressure wear you down and make you afraid.
Start the conversation. No more hiding. No more silence. Speak up. Reach out. Tell people you love them. Make the community and the world a better place. Mental health is no fun but it is necessary to talk about. Don’t be like me. Don’t wait. Be brave.
Tell everyone you love them every single day and treat those you don’t know with the same love. It goes a long way and you never know what another may be dealing with. It goes a long way and I realize I now must dedicate my life to making the world a better place which I did so poorly a job of for some time.”
Twenty-two year old Matthew Benedict started a conversation that so many would not and do not have the bravery to start. It was a conversation that he was determined to continue, and by now taking that mantle from him, it is how his family will continue to honor his memory, through Matthew Benedict’s One Last Goal.
“This is now our mission,” says Bill. “If we can save one life than that’s what this is all about…If someone could’ve said to us, ‘Hey. We can help save your son’s life,’ that would’ve been wonderful. And that’s what we’re aiming to do in his honor.”
Matthew’s mother, Anne, wrote this via email about her son and about One Last Goal:
We are normally very private people, but if by us being upfront about Matthew could save one person’s life so another family does not feel the pain that we are feeling, it will be well worth it.
It appeared that Matthew had everything–an incredible close and supportive family, a loving and supportive girlfriend, plenty of friends, a wonderful school with supportive professors, and an excellent law firm with caring partners and colleagues, a bright mind, and a rich, full life. Somehow, Matthew struggled to see this himself.
With our One Last Goal fund, we have worked with the Community Foundation for Greater Buffalo to collect and manage any donated money. The objective of this non-profit endowment from its inception on July 02, 2019 is to reach those who are suffering like Matthew did. He was all about meeting others on their terms and walking beside them to get the help they needed. We believe that Matthew would want any donations in his name to be used to establish and support efforts that help students and/or athletes who are struggling as he did for the last five years of his life. The trustees of this endowment, in consultation with a variety of professionals in the fields of mental health, education, athletics, law, and others are deeply committed to working toward Matthew’s one last goal– providing specific avenues of support for individuals like himself who feel as though nobody understands them and they have nowhere to turn.
Matthew struggled with finding others who felt the same way as him. As a mother, this is truly heartbreaking.
If I could offer any words of advice to other families, it would be to try to get a conversation going and keep it going about mental health. This may not prevent a tragedy like ours, but it may help someone who is struggling see a little bit clearer. And in Matthew’s words “Tell everyone you love them every single day and treat those you don’t know with the same love.”
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Matthew Benedict’s suicide sits at the intersection of a number of crucial issues, all of which every one of us needs to be talking about.
First is mental health awareness and the need for people – and men, in particular – to be unafraid to be open about their own struggles. It is through this openness that we can help each other. Openness and authenticity are strength. We all have mental health, just like we all have physical health. And we all have issues with both. It is not weak to be depressed or anxious. It is human. As we say at The Good Men Project, it’s #NotWeakJustHuman. The good work of Matthew Benedict’s One Last Goal will further these efforts.
“Tell everyone you love them every single day and treat those you don’t know with the same love. It goes a long way and you never know what another may be dealing with. It goes a long way and I realize I now must dedicate my life to making the world a better place which I did so poorly a job of for some time.”
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Second is mental health issues in the legal field. This has been an area of recent focus in the industry. The story of Matthew Benedict was picked up both in The American Lawyer (Law.com) and by Above The Law. Law firms can be stressful places, and long hours, stress, pressure, and a culture of ‘suck it up and get it done,’ can be a bad atmosphere for mental health. Indeed, this past year, with its ‘Minds Over Matter‘ project, American Lawyer has “embarked on a yearlong investigation into mental health across every sector of the legal profession.” Their “aim [is] to shine a light on mental health, addiction, stress and well-being; destigmatize the issue; and identify methods to effectuate change.” That is a very good thing.
Finally, there is the intersection between brain injuries and health and mental health. We’ve spent a fair amount of time on this topic at The Good Men Project as well, from speaking with Jason Luckasevic back in 2014 about football and concussions to various doctors and studies, as well as our readers views on the topic, to hearing from the families of former players who suffered from CTE. Football has a very entrenched following in this county, and it is a multi-billion dollar industry with powerful stakeholders. But it is at our own peril if we continue to deny the reality that the collision sport of football leads brain injuries and that brain injuries can lead to devastating mental health issues.
We are grateful to the Benedict Family for what they are doing to move the conversation forward on all of these issues. To shine a light on all of this, to be there for others in need, will help so many.
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Photo Credit: Matthew Benedict
If you are in need of help or know someone who does, there are resources available. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is available 24/7. The number to dial is 1-800-273-8255.