If anyone wonders how gay men and straight men can be friends, David Toussaint might have the answers.
1: Sexual tension can arise with my gay male friends. With straight guys we can talk about “guy” issues like sex and relationships and beard length without friction. And there’s no uncomfortable reminder of that drunken night on Fire Island.
2: When straight men tell me about the losers who hit on them, I’m not reminded of how some of my gay friends and I first met — with them saying, “You’re a great guy, but we’re just not a match.”
3: Straight guys feel comfortable talking to me about facials, eye cream, and the occasional thrill of having a finger up their bum.
4: I have never felt safer walking down the street late at night than when I’m with a big, buff straight guy who despises homophobia as much as I do.
5: Straight men can ask me if I think they look fat and know I’m not going to say, “Chill, dude, you’re a guy.”
6: We’re a lot like two friendly dogs meeting on the street (minus the butt sniffing). It takes a while to trust the other, but once we do, we’re buddies forever. We go our separate ways when I want to butt cruise and they want to pee in public.
7: Straight men love to be told they have hot bodies, and who better to let them know than a gay man who loves to check out a straight hot body without fear of being punched in the face?
8: The expressions “awesome,” “it’s all good,” “it is what it is,” “you’re a rock star,” and “got weed?” — they don’t know why gay men use them either.
9: All I need to do to make a straight friend break out into hysterical laughter is show him a photo of a guy on Grindr whose profile reads, “Straight-acting masculine guy for same.”
10: Straight men love to go to gay bars. They say the atmosphere rocks, and they don’t freak out if someone thinks we’re a couple.
11: When straight men find out that I don’t spend all my spare time having anonymous sex, they are a little disappointed. But then they are comfortable admitting to me that most of their “tales of conquests” are packed with lies.
12: When I find out that straight guys don’t spend all their time dating strippers and banging hookers, I’m a little disappointed. But then I feel comfortable telling them that I lied when I said David Beckham once hit on me.
13: While I often have doubts, straight men reassure me that Jake Gyllenhaal and Ryan Kwanten are indeed gay and would totally do me if we met.
14: Straight men love to point out guys checking me out on the street. And since it’s a known fact that we’re more desirable if we’re taken, they’ll even toss a dirty glance a guy’s way to help me secure a date.
15: They always call me “Dave,” which is the only nickname/label that I truly like.
16: Straight men love introducing me to their girlfriends because they know I’m not going to hit on them.
17: Straight men give me great fashion tips. And they always have the coolest underwear.
18: Since a lot of straight men don’t feel comfortable talking to buddies or female friends about relationships, I’m one of the first people they call when they’re going through a breakup.
19: We may have our different traditions, our different backgrounds, our different ways of communicating, but we always agree on one thing: Straight porn is hot!
20: Do you know how many straight guys hate asking for last names, buying drinks, pretending to store numbers, and wasting most of an evening when all they really want is 20 minutes in the sack? They love glimpsing a world that is allowed to begin with “into?” and “300 feet away.”
21: They’re as uninterested in Miley Cyrus’ tongue as I am.
22: It’s an unfortunate reality that in today’s world gay men are often the most competitive with other gay men. My straight guy friends don’t try to out-job me or out-body me or out-boyfriend me. We listen to each other’s triumphs and setbacks without an agenda.
23: Straight men tell me I look good when I know I don’t. And that, dudes, is friendship.
Originally published at HuffPost
Follow David Toussaint on Twitter: www.twitter.com/DRToussaint
—Photo Rick Mackey/Flickr