3 Important Things You Would Tell Your Younger Self About Dating

We have all thought about something we would tell a younger version of ourselves.

Usually, I hear things like:

“I would tell myself to dump every penny I own in a stock.”

“I would have told them to invent something before it came out.”

While I am all for playing that game, I want to tie it to things we would tell our younger selves about dating.

No, I do not mean avoiding one person that broke your heart.

No, I do not mean making sure the relationship with your high school sweetheart was perfect, and then you live happily ever after.

Seriously.

There are life lessons we need to experience and some that we need guidance on dealing with because navigating them can be the most difficult part.

There are things we could tell our younger selves that would be great advice so our spiritual, emotional, and mental health doesn’t suffer from the damage that dating and relationships can cause.

When I hear people say they hate dating or that relationships can be exhausting, what they mean is that the negative experiences are draining, and getting involved with the wrong person can ware you out.

Let’s be honest here. The article will be about things you would tell your younger self, but we are also hitting on lessons you can implement today.

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Back to school

I know some of you have read my articles already, but I am about to say something that I’ll never stop reinforcing. It is the most important thing you will ever hear about your dating and life experiences.

Knowing your needs and boundaries and enforcing them are two different things. The young version of yourself could fly with that information.

Your needs and boundaries cannot derive from a selfish position.

They should result from your growth journey, knowing your triggers, and understanding how you show up as your best self in a relationship.

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You should also know when to walk away from a dynamic that does not serve your needs and boundaries.

There is a caveat to that thought that people don’t add.

That does not mean something is wrong with you or the person you are walking away from.

It means that what you both need from a relationship does not align. There is no need for the blame game or any ill will.

Let the cookies bake

I know what it is like to meet someone new and hit it off. Sparks are flying, and there is magic in the air.

We can all recall when that feeling clouds us from not making a crucial mistake.

Remaining patient with someone you just met and enjoyed being around isn’t always easy.

Yes, we would tell our younger self to avoid the feeling of infatuation and understand what it means to know someone on a deep level.

We make the mistake of rushing into a relationship without taking the proper time to get to know someone.

We get caught in what I call “timeline dating.”

There is one of two scenarios at play:

You are counting the time since you’ve met and think you may as well move to the next stage in the relationship.
You have seen each other so frequently in a short time you see no reason to give a relationship a chance.

Either way, a relationship is a serious stage to move to, and when we are young, we tend to view life through rose-colored lenses instead of assessing what is in front of us.

That does not mean you would tell your younger self to be cynical about relationships.

Like I always say, just let the cookies bake, and don’t take them out of the oven too early.

Ah, Perfect

Please don’t take this the wrong way. You’re not perfect.

Ok, let’s break this down.

We believe the memes, music, and stories we hear about how the right person will walk into our life, and then that person can prove that they deserve us.

It is this model that we are all special, and people need to conform to fit into our lives before we put forth any effort.

Any grown-up that believes that needs to apply this article to who they are today. Forget mentioning it to your younger self.

In one of my favorite articles, “ If You Hear This Phrase, Stop Pursuing a Relationship with Someone,” I break down the thought of people needing to “take you as you are, or don’t take you at all.”

No matter where you are in your personal growth journey, we would all tell ourselves the areas of growth that we need to work on within ourselves and accept in others.

It is not easy to “break yourself down” and shine line on growth areas, but understanding yourself, your past, and how it can mold you into a great future sets you up for success in many aspects of life.

I used to think that being a work in progress was so corny. F*ck that; we should always be progressing no matter how far we have made it.

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If you liked this article, let’s backtrack in time and see 3 things you can do to avoid issues before we even get to the talking phase in my free guide here.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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