4 Responses to Complaints About Others

Complaints about others might be self-serving. Or people could feel genuine concern, frustration, or a desire to improve situations. Or maybe they seek to elevate their status by pulling someone down.

Complaints about others might be:

1. Malicious gossip.
2. Political one-upmanship.
3. Blaming.
4. Self-protection.
5. Venting.
6. Solution-seeking.
7. Support-seeking.

Don’t:

Determine what you don’t want to do before you begin.

#1. Don’t belittle people’s concerns.

#2. Don’t assume you understand. People tailor stories to make themselves look superior.

#3. Don’t take sides.

#4. Don’t take responsibility for relationships between others.

#5. Don’t become a go-between.

#6. Don’t get emotional.

#7. Don’t violate confidentiality.

 4 responses to complaints about others:

#1. Notice motives.

Determine the reason you’re hearing complaints about others by asking a clarifying question. Choose one of the following questions.

1. What would you like to take away from this conversation?
2. What would make this a great conversation for you?
3. What’s causing this to come up now?

Don’t passively listen to complaints about others.

#2. Affirm without agreeing.

1. This seems important to you.
2. You seem to care deeply about this.
3. We want things to go smoothly at work.
4. Strong relationships are important.

#3. Aim low.

Complaints, tension or distrust don’t magically vanish. Define reasonable success. Never enter a game when you don’t know what winning looks like.

Ask, “How important is developing a good relationship?” You end up frustrated and disappointed when you work harder on people’s relationships than they do.

What’s the best outcome you see?

#4. Expect personal engagement.

Don’t fix “for”, fix “with”.

1. What would you like to do about this?
2. What are some ways you could improve this situation?
3. How would you like to respond next time this happens?

Job satisfaction and team performance connect to strong relationships.

What’s on your list of do’s and don’ts when you hear complaints about others?

Still curious:

7 Truths about Chronic Complainers Every Leader Needs Today

How to Put an End to Personal Complaining

4 Types of Employee Complaints — and How to Respond (hbr.org)

—

Previously Published on leadershipfreak with Creative Commons License

***

You Might Also Like These From The Good Men Project

Compliments Men Want to Hear More Often

Relationships Aren’t Easy, But They’re Worth It

The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex

..A Man’s Kiss Tells You Everything

—

Photo credit: iStock