No one wants to be cheated on, but if you’ve experienced cheating before, it might stay in the back of your mind in new relationships.
If you’re looking for your special someone, you want that person to be trustworthy and loyal. You don’t want to be with someone who is always looking for someone better. You want someone who will never cheat on you.
I can’t blame you for being concerned about cheating. According to a 2020 U.S. study, 20% of married couples are likely to encounter infidelity. Meanwhile, 70% of unmarried couples may have to deal with cheating in the course of their relationship.
So, it was no surprise to me when cheating was recently the hot topic in one of my relationship and marriage Facebook groups called, “Real Conversations About Relationships.”
A woman wanted to know what men needed. She gave her man love, peace, and financial stability and wanted to know why he still cheats.
The question garnered 431 responses and the answers were very intriguing. The men who responded were extremely honest and gave insights into a man’s mind. It also confirmed how me and my husband have been able to keep infidelity out of our 10-year marriage, which I will tell you how below.
First, let me reveal to you reasons why men cheat. Yes, I know women cheat too. Since this post was asking about men cheating, that’s the focus of this piece. Here are the responses from men that stood out the most.
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His Feelings About You
“He cheats because you are not the one for him. Stop trying to force it and let it go, again he cheats because YOU ARE NOT THE ONE FOR HIM.” — Facebook comment
A man knows if you’re the right one for him. Before I met my husband, he dated a woman for three years. We dated for 8 months before he proposed. He knew that she wasn’t the right one for him. Otherwise, he would have proposed to her. For some men, if he doesn’t believe you’re the one for him, he will cheat on you.
The woman asking the question in the Facebook post thought if she did everything for him, he wouldn’t cheat on her. She was wrong. Even if she did the most perfect things for him, it meant nothing if he didn’t feel the same way about her.
So, how can you know if he really likes you? How he treats you is a big indicator.
Does he treat you like someone he cherishes and loves to be around or does he act annoyed when he’s with you? Does he go above and beyond for you or does he give you the bare minimum? How consistent is he? Does he communicate with you on a regular basis?
My husband and I communicated on a daily basis from the day we met to the day he proposed to me. I didn’t have any doubts about his feelings for me. He consistently treated me well from the day we first met.
If your man is not treating you the way you deserve, you may be at risk of him cheating on you. His feelings for you are not strong enough.
You want someone who goes above and beyond for you. That will be a sign of how he feels about you and whether or not he will cheat on you.
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His Choice
“Simply, a man cheats because he wants to and he’ll make up every excuse to do so. He’ll cheat on the best woman he’s ever had, the most loving woman he’s ever had, the most peaceful woman he’s ever had because he wants to cheat. It doesn’t happen by accident and it doesn’t matter how much or how little he has. Just know this, it’s not your fault. PERIODT.” — Facebook comment
It’s always surprising when a man has a really good woman and cheats anyway. According to this post, he could simply do it because he wants to cheat.
The man has the intent to cheat. It’s not accidental or something that happens in the heat of the moment. The man took actions to cheat because he could. It was a pre-meditated decision. You shouldn’t take things personally and blame yourself for him cheating on you.
One of the guys I talked to before I met my husband told me he wanted to marry a nurse. He said it’s because she will be at work all of the time and he can cheat on her. That surprised me. He had already decided he’s going to cheat on his future wife before he has even met her.
There are other men like that who plan to cheat no matter how good you are to them. A study showed that people who had messed around in one relationship were three times more likely to cheat again compared to those who had stayed faithful. While people do change, avoiding men who have cheated in the past, is a smart move.
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His Satisfaction-level
“Men that cheat that have a woman that has all of these great qualities is probably never satisfied. Some want the stability of a monogamous relationship and also still live a single life.” — Facebook comment
For some men, you are not enough for him. He wants to enjoy the benefits of a monogamous relationship and the single life.
They may genuinely enjoy being with you and still want other women. If he is someone who still wants to act on his pleasure with someone else, you shouldn’t want to be with him anyway. Cut your losses and move on.
You can identify the type of man who is not satisfied with you by his interactions with other women. Does his head constantly turn when women pass by? Does he comment on a lot of other women’s post who are dressed in a sexy way?
One of my brother’s friends had a girlfriend, yet his head turned whenever a woman passed by. I wasn’t surprised when they broke up after 7 years of dating. He definitely didn’t seem like he was satisfied with just her.
While it can be natural for men to glance at other women, how long they look could be a predictor of future infidelity. According to this study, partners who took significantly longer to turn away from attractive members of the opposite sex had a higher risk of infidelity. Conversely, individuals who looked away in a few seconds from glancing at an attractive person were nearly 50 percent less likely to have sex outside their marriage.
If your man lingers when checking out other women, it may be a sign that he’s not satisfied with just you and he’s willing to cheat on you.
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His Desires
“It’s the simple desire to have sex. No deep hidden psychological issues or trauma. Just want it.” — Facebook comment
Some men are driven by their desires to have sex. They see someone they want to sleep with and go after her even when they are in a relationship.
For the typical man, the sex drive is stronger than for the typical woman, and his testosterone helps fuel that desire.
This may cause the man to cheat for pleasure. This type of cheating could happen in the heat of the moment. The man gave in to his temptations.
The best way to avoid this type of cheating is to date someone who believes in boundaries. This person doesn’t see the need to be alone with other women besides you. They don’t need to have a lot of close relationships with the opposite sex.
In a sermon we heard, a minister went to a minister’s conference. Some of the participants were on the stage and allowed women to sit on their lap. They said they wouldn’t be tempted to do anything. One participant wouldn’t let a woman sit on his lap. He didn’t want to play with fire.
Ten years later the men who let the women sit on their lap had cheated on their wife. The man who didn’t let a woman sit on his lap remained faithful to his wife.
You need to date men who avoid temptations and set boundaries on their interactions with other women. Those are the men who have a better chance of not cheating on you.
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His Moral Compass
“Integrity and moral values are internal characteristics. Therefore, no matter what a woman does or doesn’t do, the man who’s willing to cheat will, and the man who isn’t willing, won’t cheat.” — Facebook comment
Some men lack morals. Morals is a person’s standards of behavior or beliefs concerning what is and is not acceptable for them to do. Don’t be fooled. A spiritual or religious person will not necessarily have morals. There are plenty of spiritual leaders who have cheated on their wife.
You have to discern someone’s morals by how he conducts his life. Have you caught him doing one of the big three — lie, cheat or steal? If so, he has it in him to cheat on you. While no one is perfect, there are signs when a person is not led by his morals.
You want someone who not only says the right things, but the person does the right things. If you are dating someone with a lack of morals, don’t be surprised if that person cheats.
While there are many men who will cheat on their significant other, there are many men who don’t want to ever cheat. They are being led by their morals. This is the main reason my husband hasn’t cheated on me. It’s not necessarily anything I did. He is someone who doesn’t want to cheat.
It may seem bleak out there. There really are good guys. I loved what a preacher said. He said that the good guys are the ones who seem clumsy and awkward around you in the beginning. They like you so much that they are nervous around you.
That’s been true in my life. I had my worst relationships with guys who boldly approached me while I was out on the street. They were very charming. I realized if some men easily approached me, they had no problems approaching other women. While sometimes a man being charming could be a good thing, most times that was not the case for me.
My husband was not like that. He said he didn’t always know the right things to say to women and he wished he was like his smooth-talking friends. I didn’t care about that. I’m just glad that he’s really sweet to me and goes above and beyond for me.
Maybe the right guy for you is the one who is a little awkward around you. He may not be the charming guy who has a way with words. He’s the subtle guy who would treat you right and won’t ever cheat on you because he’s interested in you for the right reasons.
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Final Thoughts
There’s a variety of reasons why men cheat. What resonated the most, is there wasn’t much the woman could do about the cheating. The reasons for the cheating had to do with the man and his feelings and his desires. It didn’t matter how perfect the woman was; if the man wanted to cheat on her, he would.
When I studied risk assessments, I learned you can’t eliminate risks. There will always be a risk he will cheat on you. The only thing you can do is reduce the risk level. Your best bet is to find someone who has the morals to not want to cheat. He’s not looking around for other women. He’s content with you and feels lucky to have you.
He may not be the loudest person in the room. You may not notice him at first. The man who won’t cheat on you is out there. He’ll be loyal to you and treat you like you deserve to be treated. When you’re with him, you won’t ever have to endure a Facebook post with 400 comments about why he cheated.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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