What’s worse than having to force yourself to move on from someone you never dated? Not even for a month. That hurts like hell.
And this scenario happens a lot when you get friend-zoned. You like them for too long now, and you know the ins and outs of their life. The thing is, they never actually “reject” you, yet you also know things wouldn’t work out with them.
Is it wrong if you want something more? You can’t be there all the time for them whenever they call you at 2 am in the morning, but you can’t have a relationship with them either. What a dilemma!
At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter how much you love them. You have your needs too, and at this point, the only option you can take is to move on. Letting go of the idea to be with them.
Everyone grieves and moves on differently. Here I can only give you tips based on my experience. So as much as I hope this would work for you too, you don’t have to do all of them.
There isn’t such thing as bad timing.
You can’t waste your life waiting for someone that just couldn’t see a future with you. If you are brutally honest with yourself right now, you know it’s not happening because of the bad timing.
So don’t let your mind believe that things will work if only the timing is right. It’s a hard pill to swallow, but you need to remind yourself that if they genuinely want you, then they will make it happen.
Yes, a relationship is hard work, but deciding whether you want to be with someone is easy. If you are with someone who finds it hard, it’s not the right person for you.
Stop consuming their social media posts.
“Don’t allow someone not worth it to have the power to occupy your thoughts. If they don’t find you worth the effort or the time, why should you waste yours?” — Donna Lynn Hope.
Instagram can be addictive. And this is where people are stuck in the past and have a longer time to move on. I never get why it’s so hard to hit that “unfollow” button, especially when you already know seeing them hurt your feelings still.
Trying to move on from them is hard enough. You don’t want to break your heart more by checking out their social media while they probably are already happy with someone else. Treat them like they no longer exist in your life and have your mind to get used to it.
Delete (or even block) their contact.
A psychologist, Jill P. Weber, said that:
“Maintaining contact keeps you stuck in limbo: You can’t be with your ex, but you can’t move on. Once you let go — completely — you gain the freedom to live, mostly unencumbered by the regrets and hurts of yesterday.”
Cutting people off from our life isn’t always easy, especially when you already consider them as your best friend. But for the sake of your own happiness, you have to do it. If you worry whether or not you both can be friends later in the future, that’s something you can think of later once you entirely moved on.
This step is the most helpful because you can’t move forward if you still let the door open. Your environment needs to change for your mind to adapt to the new reality — a reality that you are better off without them.
So don’t hesitate to delete their number on your phone. This is also to make sure you don’t “accidentally” call them.
Write down things you hate about them.
People might disagree with this point because, in a way, it’s not good to have hatred inside you. But you have nothing to lose by trying this for a month or two.
So write down at least 10 things you hate about this person — or at least things that you don’t like. I used to do this whenever I thought I couldn’t move on from the past lovers. This practice helped me gain new clarity, and it’s such a great reminder of why things wouldn’t work out with them.
Stop talking about them to your friends.
It’d be so tempting to share all the pain, and yes, support is good during this time. But if you find yourself still talking about them after months you said “it’s over”, then you need to stop. Or hence, ask your friends to never talk about it again.
Consider the chapter is close, and there’s no reason to have that conversation. You can look back later in the future but not now when the wound is still fresh. This can be harder when you have mutual friends, but you still need to create boundaries and do whatever you can to heal faster.
So ask for your friends’ understanding to never bring up the topic of that person ever again. If they genuinely care about you, then they will do it.
Overall, no matter how hard it is to move on from someone you never dated, the effort is totally worth it. Someday you’ll look back and feel proud of yourself. You made that decision to walk away. Deep down, you believe life shouldn’t be this painful. You know you deserve to be in a loving relationship — just like anyone else.
And to that, I’m saying, you definitely do.
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Previously Published on medium
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