5 Questions To Ask Yourself Before You Cut Them Off

Somewhere between January and controversy is the cutoff season. It’s that time where we rethink close relationships and cut ties with people who are disrupting our peace — this sometimes includes those we love…

Our close friends.

Our partners.

Even our family.

While in some cases, it can be EASY to sever the ties and be done. Before you reach for the scissors, ask yourself these five questions.

1. Have you communicated the issue?

Not every dispute has to be the end-all to your relationship. Yes, some situations absolutely call for the cut-off, but often we impulsively cut people from our lives without ACTUALLY considering if that’s the best thing to do.

Talk about it.

Effectively communicate what you need in the relationship.

Acting on emotions without giving the person a chance to make things right is a disservice that can ruin a potentially good relationship, especially if they didn’t know there was an issue.

Consider doing this: Bring whatever lingering feelings you have about them to their attention. Also, keep an open mind to their point of view. Some differences are unresolvable, but you will never know until you talk about it. Try not to allow pride, hurt, and fear to stand in the way of healthy conversations.

Maybe you can work through it.…

2. Is your relationship worth saving?

Let’s be clear, someone who is taking up space, playing mind games, and sucking the positivity out of you is a no. They can stay on the chopping block. Someone you disagree with from time to time, that’s different.

Signs a relationship is worth saving:

• The person adds value to your life
• They are willing to make improvements
• They don’t repeat the same toxic patterns
• You both forgive each other and can move past the hurt

Consider doing this: Think about what you stand to gain from the connection and why it is worth saving. Is the person supportive? Are they fun to be around? Are they always there in your time of need? You will rarely find everything you need in ONE person. Despite the two of you not talking every day, consider the purpose they serve in your life— even if it’s on a small scale.

Don’t be so quick to throw people away when their presence is meaningful to you in some way.

“Keep people in your life who truly love you, motivate you, and make you happy. If you know people who do none of these things, let them go.” -Prakhar Sahay

3. Why do you NOT want them in your life?

You have to honestly recognize your feelings towards the person in question. Do they seem shady, have you outgrown the person, do they generally give you bad vibes, or are you simply tired of their shenanigans? Whatever the case, you know the relationship and how it has affected you better than anyone else.

If pouring into the person feels like a chore… it says a lot.

Some bridges are burned to a crisp. Perhaps they genuinely want to rebuild a relationship with you, but that’s not what you want. If cutting them off is what you feel you have to do for your peace of mind, that’s where you stand.

Consider doing this: Ask yourself, “If I never speak to them again, would it hurt?” If the answer is “not at all,” it’s pretty self-explanatory. If the answer is “Yes, I would be very sad,” maybe there is a conversation or a compromise that needs to happen first before you decide to sever the ties. Sometimes you can maintain a cordial relationship without having to cut the person off.

Keep in mind that if you decide to keep them in your life, it is equally important to set boundaries and not over compromise

4. Are they toxic?

You will always find toxic people somewhere between drama and playing the victim. Some relationships are worth saving, but a toxic one does not make the cut.

This is how you know that you are dealing with a toxic person:

• They say things to manipulate and guilt-trip you.
• They consistently belittle or put you down.
• They negatively impact your mood and mental health.

The list goes on…

You have to cut toxic people from your life, even if it’s family.

Toxic people are the types to consistently drag you into drama and conflicts, plant seeds of self-doubt, and drain your energy. Relationships with them are damaging, unhealthy, and disingenuous at best.

Consider doing this: Take stock of all the relationships in your life that only take from you or bring you stress. Think about how you feel when those people are around vs. how you feel when they are not around. Express your concerns, SET BOUNDARIES, and if need be, eliminate them from your life altogether.

Often it is the people we hold closest to our chest that hinder our growth the most.

5. Are you the problem?

You may not want to hear this but if you have a history of abruptly ending close relationships, maybe the problem is you.

It’s one thing to cut off a toxic relationship and another to cut off everyone who challenges you or gets too close.

“Without personal accountability, we can’t grow nor can we ever improve ourselves.”

Consider doing this: Look at your past relationship patterns. Are you guilty of cutting off any and everybody that rubs you wrong? Perhaps keeping your “cutoff game strong” is not a strength but merely a mantra to hide behind. If it is easier to cut someone off rather than risk confrontation or address the deeper issue, it wouldn’t hurt to re-read this article, but imagine yourself as the person in question.

Final Thoughts

Before you cut someone out of your life, step back and look at the situation from all angles. Remember that effective communication is key, healthy boundaries are necessary, and honest conversations with yourself are equally important.

Hopefully, by answering those five questions, you can reconsider which relationships you should keep in your life and know which ones you have to cut off.

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Previously Published on medium

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