Partners create happiness in relationships.
It is never a must or a guarantee. Every day, two people’s moods will fight for dominance and expression. Picking your person is a choice every second of the day.
Humans are subject to change. So, behaviors seen as red flags are the norm in long-term relationships.
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Chinese telephone
Terrible communication will happen. When you disagree, your emotions will take over. It becomes easier to say mean statements you’ve pushed down. The best couples don’t get it right during the fight. Or immediately after, but in the days following, they patch things up.
Your biggest fight isn’t the beginning of the end. It is not a monumental test of your relationship. The loudness and intensity are higher. But resolving a big fight is like outing the little ones before it. It is okay to fight. You don’t have to walk on eggshells around your partner (if you have equal financial powers).
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What to do?
Inform your partner you need space before leaving. Speak up rather than hope they notice you are moody all day.
What if you are not one to speak up? Channel your angry energy immediately as the bothersome habit happens. Your partner cannot read your mind or reflect on daily occurrences like you. But they can read your bodily language.
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Murphy’s law
Unpleasant experiences spill over into your life when single. Everything went wrong from the minute you woke up late. In a relationship? These “everything goes wrong days” affect you, your partner, and how you view your love life.
Your person becomes someone to blame and an excuse for your failures.
- You asked for their opinion. They helped you pick the wrong choice.
- You did not do something because you were thinking about them.
On and on the laundry list goes.
What to do?
Feel your emotions; let them run their course like a harsh flu.
But never make your partner become the enemy. Express how you need help. So, they always act as your biggest supporter.
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Assimilation
When you first start dating, it is exciting to wear matching outfits. You call each other and coordinate. When you live together, assimilation is easy. You walk past your partner and choose a similar attire. This time, though, it doesn’t feel cute. “Why are you copying me?” comes to mind.
What to do?
Change how you see losing yourself. The reason for self-loss isn’t always toxicity or dependency. Assimilation is a coping mechanism for sharing a life with someone. When they are happy, your joy can stay intact.
It is healthy if you choose something your partner likes and still feel okay. When it becomes a burden, communication could rebalance the scales of fairness.
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Repeat offending
Decide your boundaries. Where is the breaking point for you? Your partner is human and likely to repeat the action that hurts you. They might not go through with the behavior. But their earlier choices trigger your self-defending, emotional walls.
Repeated offensive behavior is like a snake attacking its owner. It truly is a deep, unshakable characteristic of some.
It is not your job to fix the person. Yet, you still have to define how you will give support. Plus, how you will cope with your feelings on the issue.
What to do?
Don’t remind your partner of past failures. Help them see the need for continued recovery and healing systems. Decide on your limits and forgive yourself for giving up and not living like that anymore.
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Melting desire
You will doubt your relationship. Sometimes, you don’t even know why. But you are replaying every moment, wondering if you picked the right one.
Another usual problem with long-term relationships? The non-existent sex life. This phenomenon presents itself when you form routines and establish stability. That’s why some couples role-play or take many vacations per year to add back the spice.
What to do?
Question your relationship. Yes, you might identify problems. That’s good. Spot the lump before it becomes untreatable, stage 4 cancer.
Don’t be one of those couples who pretend their sex life will stay the same forever. Accept the scary stats to prepare for dry spell seasons. Preparation causes simple, sustainable creativity.
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Thoughts
Intentions make actions red flags.
If you are with someone long enough, your union can form mild doses of behaviors labeled toxic.
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Thank you for reading this post.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: Jessica Christian on Unsplash