We’ve all been there.
You know–where we downplay the truth of our situation.
I was once in my situation for three years. This person could commit to a barber, but would never commit to me. I had 100 reasons why I loved him, although there were several more reasons he was wasting my time.
Don’t ignore the red flags in the beginning. When you see the signs, take it as a cue to run for the hills!
1. They don’t want to commit
It’s been a year, and there are still no talks of commitment. You tell yourself,
“They have a lot on their plate. They’re busy. They’re still trying to figure things out.”
But the truth is, they’re wasting your time. A person stringing you along with no intention of taking things to the next level is very telling. Years will come and go if you allow it. If you want an exclusive relationship, but they’re only interested in casually dating, it’s probably time to step back.
2. They don’t know what they want
Who knows. You two may ride off into the sunset and live happily ever after! Or, you could be left with a handful of tears while they saddle up with someone else. No, thank you. A person that doesn’t know what they want is sure to leave you guessing or feeling like an option. Yes, they may have legitimate reasons for their confusion, but it’s still not safe. You’ll be the one dealing with a flux of emotions as they “figure it out.” It’s better to stand in your power and invest your time, energy, and emotions into someone that knows what they want–Not someone who has to think twice about you.
3. They are a narcissist
A narcissist will take as much as you can give. When you have nothing left, they will move on and take it from the next person. If a person shows you signs of being a narcissist, please understand, it will not end well. Anyone self-centered enough to not see the effects their behavior is having on you is dangerous. This person will place your well-being in an organized pile of junk. They will not only TAKE TAKE TAKE but also justify their toxic ways. In the end, you will feel depleted, like you wasted your time because well, you have.
4. Deep down, you know you can do better
You know it, yet a part of you is in denial. All your friends and family have told you that you can do better. Everyone can’t be wrong. The subconscious doubts you’ve had about the person in question is your intuition. LISTEN TO IT. I came across an Instagram post one day and nearly dropped my phone. It said,” Nobody wants to hear this, but sometimes the person you want most, is the person you’re best without.” So true.
5. They are never there when you need them
This one hurts. You’ve put them first and even given your last at times. Now the time has come for you to need their help. They are out of sight, unavailable, or filled with excuses. That confirms every other reason listed above. Place yourself on the other side and ask, “Would I be okay treating him or her the same way they’re treating me?” Is the answer no? That’s because you don’t do these things to people when you genuinely care about them. Always remember that when you have convinced yourself otherwise.
“Stop letting people who do so little for you control so much of your mind, feelings, and emotions. “ — Will Smith
When a person shows you the signs, don’t chalk your relationship up to being complicated or unique.
Take it for what it is.
It may be hard to walk away at first, but the aftermath of pouring into someone who doesn’t truly value you is far more painful.
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Previously Published on medium
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