You’ve been dating someone for a while and things have been going (mostly) great. You finally feel confident enough to start thinking about a potential future with this guy/girl, but there’s one thing that’s still troubling you:
Is your partner really a keeper or is it just the butterflies that make you believe so?
And, when the honeymoon phase is over and you start seeing things more clearly, will you regret keeping your partner in your life for so long?
The truth is that most people let their enthusiasm carry them away and quickly jump to the conclusion they’ve found their forever person, only to realize, when the sparks fade away, that they were devastatingly wrong.
In order to help you avoid finding yourself in a similar situation, what follows are five signs that might make it easier for you to determine whether the person you’re currently dating is a keeper.
Let’s take a look at them.
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#1. They Don’t Run Away From Conflict
If you want to know whether your partner is a keeper, one of the things you should pay attention to is the way they approach conflict. Do they run away from it or do they consider it a natural element of a healthy relationship?
You see, many people believe that by avoiding conflict, they’ll keep their partners happy and make their relationship last longer. When you don’t fight with your partner, few things can go wrong in your relationship, right?
Wrong.
In fact, running away from conflict for an extended period of time, in the long term, hurts your relationship and keeps you from connecting with your partner at a deeper level.
As relationship coach Natalie Pizzolla states in her article:
“Healthy conflict can provide a deeper understanding of people. It allows you to be vulnerable and express your true thoughts and feelings. Which in turn can allow you to connect more effectively with the person because you’re able to know them at a deeper level.”
So, if your current partner knows how to work through difficult feelings, doesn’t avoid difficult conversations, and knows how to push through conflict instead of avoiding it, there are good chances they’re a keeper.
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#2. They’re Straightforward About Their Feelings
If you’re lucky enough to have a straightforward partner by your side, hold on to them tight — they’re extremely difficult to find.
There’s a misconception floating around that straightforward people are impolite, but in reality, they’re simply honest and direct about what they want and how they feel.
As the team behind The School of Life explain in their article:
“What makes straightforward people gratifying to be around isn’t so much that their positions and intentions are always inherently unproblematic, it’s that we happen to know exactly what the issues are from the start. There is therefore no need to guess, infer, decode, untangle, unscramble or translate. There are no sudden surprises or revolutions in perspective.”
In today’s modern world, where we’re used to wanting one thing but saying another, trying to “decode” other people’s minds, and resorting to mind games instead of simply expressing our genuine feelings, being around a straightforward isn’t just refreshing — it’s a blessing.
If you notice that your significant other makes sure their communication is clear and consistent and is always honest to you about their feelings and needs, congratulations — that’s a great sign you’ve found a keeper.
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#3. They Encourage You to Work Through Your Emotional Struggles
Something we usually don’t like to admit is that we all have some kind of emotional struggles.
We don’t mind talking about how “that guy had emotional issues” or “that girl was emotionally damaged” (usually referring to our exes), but when the time comes, we struggle to admit that we have our share of emotional pain and struggles as well.
Our parent’s divorce. Childhood trauma from growing up in an abusive family. The death of a loved one. Sickness. A devastating past breakup. Everyone deals with something that emotionally suffocates and tortures them — and not everyone is able to work through it quickly.
The question is, what does your partner say about your emotional struggles? What is their reaction when they see you going through tough times?
Do they trivialize your feelings, telling you things like “You should get over it already”, “You’re overreacting”, or “It’s not such a big deal — everyone goes through these things”?
Or are they patient, supportive, recognize the importance of your struggles and encourage you to work through them?
The ability to support your partner during their emotionally challenging times is one of the things that distinguishes good from bad partners — and automatically makes you a keeper.
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#4. They Don’t Mistake Equality for Compromise
A healthy relationship should be balanced: both people involved should equally contribute and invest in it.
For example, if you and your partner live together, you should split the household chores or the household expenses evenly. Or, if you both have busy schedules, you should both try to make time for one another by making adjustments to your calendar.
The tricky part here is to dive deeper into how your partner feels about balance in your relationship. For instance, do they feel like sharing the household chores is part of being equal, or do they view it as a compromise they’re obliged to make?
If your partner doesn’t mistake equality for compromise and is honestly striving for genuine balance in your relationship, that screams “keeper!”
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#5. They Let You Do Your Thing
Does your partner accept you as you are or do they try to turn you into a copy of themselves? Do they respect your habits, hobbies, and preferences, or do they criticize you about them?
In other words, do they let you be yourself, or do they want to change you?
Unfortunately, lots of people in relationships try to change each other.
I know so many people who try to make their partners adapt their beliefs, behavior, and habits. Instead of accepting their partner’s quirks, they try to eliminate them; instead of letting their partner live their lives however they want to, they try to dictate to them the “right” way to live.
So, if you’ve found a person who accepts every side of you, and doesn’t criticize you for doing things differently, or liking things they don’t like, hold on to them tight. Accepting and encouraging someone to be their true self is an admirable, yet very rare, quality.
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To Sum It Up…
Deciding whether the person you’re seeing is a keeper can be tricky; most people let their enthusiasm cloud their judgment and make choices they later regret.
Of course, everyone is entitled to make mistakes. But if you want to avoid potential future heartbreak as well as a loss of valuable time and energy on a person who doesn’t deserve to be by your side, at least check if they exhibit the following characteristics before starting to plan a future with them:
- Good conflict resolution skills (they don’t run away from conflict).
- Good communication skills (they are straightforward — direct, honest, and clear — about their feelings with you).
- The ability as well emotional maturity to encourage you to get through your emotional struggles.
- The ability to recognize equality for what it is and the important part it plays in a balanced relationship.
- The ability to accept you as you are, and let you live your life on your own terms.
If your partner exhibits all or most of these traits, congratulations! You’ve found a person who’s worth keeping by your side.
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Previously Published on medium
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