Most people succeed at everything, their jobs, spiritual and social life, except in their intimate relationships. The reason is because we haven’t been educated on how to have a healthy relationship.
Especially with social media and the internet becoming our comfort friends, we barely give attention to the people we love.
When we are in the same room with our partner and they are distracted — watching a show on their phone or laptop, we know that their attention isn’t with us.
Even if their sit next to you for more than three hours, it feels like less than three minutes. It hurts to be with someone and not feel seen.
#1 Reason why most relationships fail
There are many things that can get in the way of a couple’s emotional bond, including mental illness or physical separation. The most common problem today is probably technology.
According to psychologists, Technoference is one of the major reasons most relationships fail. And it has become a global problem because more than 5 billion people worldwide are now using smartphones.
There’s nothing more addictive than looking into your partner’s eyes, listening to them, and learning about their world. However, Technoference has robbed us of having those kinds of rich experiences.
One study found that Technoference interrupts a couple’s everyday interaction in 70% of relationships. You might be telling your partner how bad your day was, and instead of him/her being present in the conversation they reply with ‘Uhummm,’ ‘yeah’ or repeat your exact same statement.
When your partner says they don’t feel heard, they are not just saying you don’t hear their words, but rather their feelings too. So the next time your partner says they don’t feel heard, try connecting with their emotion instead of their story to help deepen your connection.
Stop seeking validation from your partner
It’s important to have a sense of belonging and to be a part of a group — a family or community. And part of belonging to any group is to be known, understood, and accepted.
The problem with being understood, though, is that we frequently look to other people to affirm our identity, our beliefs, and our feelings. When we do, we lose aspects of who we are in an effort to blend in and let other people decide how valuable we are.
Most people in relationships frequently become hopeless in pursuit of proving their value to their companion. Their insecurity is greatly triggered when they don’t feel validated by their partner.
The truth is, as much as we want to be part of a community or group, it is equally important to find worthiness on our own instead of chasing after it in our partner. Your feelings matter. And you are enough even if your partner doesn’t say it.
Bringing your work stress home
These days when you work from home, you are constantly stressed. There is no difference between work and home because everything is done in one environment and you don’t have time to decompress from stress.
After a long stressful day, many of us take our stress out on our friends, children or partner. And if we’re not careful, this can lead to unhealthy relationships.
Work stress can be quite challenging as it reflects on home life. If you are working from home, set a limit on hours you are willing to spend on your work and stick to it.
Learning how to manage stress- working with your partner to manage it and remove some of the stress from work interfering in your home life can improve relationships, including your physical and mental health.
Listening without judging
We tend to judge everything from the truth of what is said to the way it is said, to “assess” the other person we are talking to.
The key to a good conversation is being able to listen to your partner and understand their point of view. To be a good listener, you need to have empathy. As an empathic listener, you put yourself in the speaker’s shoes.
When you’re talking to your partner, try not to react to what they are saying while they are still speaking. Don’t be too quick to judge.
Give them time to share their feelings and experiences without jumping directly to your opinion.
If others can trust you to listen without judgment, they are more likely to trust you and seek your advice on important issues.
Don’t be ashamed to act funny
Laughter plays a huge role in our relationships, from initial attraction to long-term commitment.
Couples who laugh together, who can laugh at themselves, and who are used to smoothing life’s rough edges with humor have a stronger bond.
Humor makes life less intimidating and stressful. When you laugh, you are less defensive, you release your expectations and you are more spontaneous with your actions. People who like jokes and can laugh at one are more fun to be around.
Laughing together shows that the couple sees the world in the same way and briefly strengthens the feeling of bonding. When you feel the tension building up in your relationship, try to throw in some funny joke to express how you feel. By using jokes to express something serious, your partner will likely want to know how to resolve the issue.
Couples who laugh together bond more strongly and are better able to handle stress and conflict in their relationship.
This post was previously published on medium.com.
You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
|White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism||Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box||The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer||What We Talk About When We Talk About Men|
Photo credit: iStockPhoto.com