For what it’s worth, everyone loves an independent partner. The type that’s driven and motivated, has a mind of their own and can make decisions for themselves, and the ones that can step in for their partner when they aren’t readily available.
A woman’s independence is one of the most powerful qualities to possess. She knows how to take care of herself. She stands up for what she believes in, and she has control of her career, finances and lifestyle.
Strong independent women do not rely on society or their partner for validation. She has confidence in herself and knows how to build healthy relationships without resorting to a co-dependent pattern.
Being independent doesn’t mean you do not want a life partner. Strong independent people do need partners — what they don’t need is the anxiety of unrequited love.
Loving somebody requires so much vulnerability. When that love isn’t returned or when it’s not given the way you want it to be given, that can create a lot of pain.
Despite the pain of loving someone, strong independent women are willing to take the risk. Strong independent women know when to embrace vulnerability and release control to their partner.
Unfortunately, some of the qualities that make an independent woman strong are deal breakers to men.
Her intelligence can be intimidating
Not too long ago, I had an argument with an acquaintance. We were getting along just fine until we ventured into stocks and commodities. The guy is well learned but since I have been trading for a long time, I knew more about the topic than he did.
In a split second, our civil conversation turned into a heated argument. I wasn’t willing to back down because I knew the facts. So I pulled out the data from the different financial charts which made my company more furious. His ego was too big to admit he was wrong and that I was right.
The next thing he said was, ”this is why I don’t date women like you. You think you know more than everyone else.” I acted as if I wasn’t offended so I replied that “intelligence is a virtue.”
One study proved that men find intelligent women intimidating. They want women who are ambitious but not too ambitious. She should be smart but not smarter than them. She should openly express her opinion, but also know when to concede to them.
Earning higher wages makes him feel worthless
For so many reasons financially sufficient women do not disclose their income to their romantic dates. Sometimes, when they do, they downplay their figures or position in the office.
My friend and business partner disclosed to me that he likes financially independent women but when he meets one, he’s afraid to ask her out. He thinks they have no tolerance in relationships when things don’t go their way.
According to Dan, if a woman is financially stable, she’s more likely to walk out on the relationship rather than stay to work things out. Dan says dating a woman who earns more than him is a waste of time and resources because no matter how much you spend on her, she won’t value it as much as one who earns less.
Unfortunately, Dan isn’t alone on this thought. A study by match.com found that men like the idea of dating independent women but in reality, they turn the other way. Men are raised to be the providers so when a woman assumes that role, they feel inadequate.
Her self-reliance scares men away
I don’t usually ask for help. When my date offers to wash my car, I turn them down. Not because I don’t want them to or that they can’t wash it well, but I feel it isn’t polite to have your guest do such miniature work.
Apparently, men see it the other way. They tell me I’m too headstrong, that I don’t accept help because I think “no one is better than me.” There was a time I used to feel offended by these remarks, but I learned it isn’t my fault men feel emasculated by a woman’s independence.
Different studies have shown that when a man’s masculinity is threatened, he pulls away. Men are raised to be the providers and protectors of women and children. Having that role taken from them can be unhealthy for men. Reports show that men with the lowest masculinity score are less likely to commit in their relationships.
Her expectations are ridiculously unachievable
We all have expectations. If you asked a strong independent man what he wants in a woman, you are more likely to get responses like “she should be smart enough to understand their logic,” “She shouldn’t expect validation from them,” or “She should be able to build them up when they fall.”
Just like strong independent men, independent women also want their partner to be dependable and smart. But their expectations seem farfetched because no man wants a woman smarter than him.
There are times I have played dumb in conversations with overzealous men. As we talked, I was open to surrendering to what he said and supported his claims with some facts.
My date couldn’t stop praising me for how attractive I was and easy to talk to. But when an argument ensued and I was no longer on his side, he said I was too opinionated and it wasn’t a good look on me.
Her high self-esteem makes sex boring
Paul is one the craziest guys you can’t miss when you walk into a bar. We did a lot of shows together during my modelling days and I picked up a habit or two from the guy.
But one that never left my mind was his attitude towards rich women. “Bro, if you ever meet a rich woman who is interested in you, run, unless you want to stick glue in your pants,” Paul told his male buddies.
I was curious to know what he meant so I asked. According to my friend, wealthy women are always too busy that they don’t have time for sex. She comes home tired every night and when she not working, she’s out with her rich friends.
I must confess, Paul isn’t wrong in his assumption. When a woman has high self-esteem and is financially sufficient, she’s more likely to neglect her sexual duties in the relationship.
Strong women believe they are “in charge of their life” so they don’t easily give in to demands when they don’t feel like doing something and this can be a huge problem in their relationships.
Do these qualities make powerful women unlovable?
This is not the 50s anymore. The tables are turned and women are more career driven than before. Women are leading now and solo breadwinners in 40 per cent of households in the US.
There are perks to being with a strong independent woman and feelings of emasculation should no longer be holding men back from the women they want.
Also, women should get more comfortable with the idea of being equal partners and if the man isn’t up for that, then he isn’t worth your time.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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