Who doesn’t have a bad first date story?
I’ll admit, I have my fair share, but I love hearing my friends tell me tales of their nightmare scenarios.
Here’s the thing, a lot of people get turned off from bad first dates. But I like to think of it this way; you’re learning what you don’t want out of a person.
With that being said, here are a few things you should never do on a first date, or alternatively, if you do go on a first date and your date does this, well, at least you’ll know you’re not alone.
…
Show up late.
Look, I get it; we all have busy lives. But, if we’ve set this date in advance — unless an emergency pops up, I’d expect my date to be on time. Punctuality is sexy.
A few years ago, I had a date with a guy I met at a birthday party. He was supposed to pick me up at 7 o’clock. 20 minutes past 7, he sends a message saying he’s stuck in traffic. 30 minutes later, he says he got off the wrong exit.
An hour later, I told him to forget it. Needless to say, we didn’t really get to the first date.
If you know you’ve got somewhere to be, the responsible thing to do is leave a little early to get there on time. Being late just shows you don’t value your time or the other individuals, which gives off a bad first impression.
…
Show up looking like a clown.
Picture this:
You have a date planned for Friday night. You’re excited. He said he’s taking you somewhere nice. You haven’t been on a date in a while. The two of you have chatted quite a bit lately. He’s really handsome in his profile picture. You decide you want to look extra good. It is Friday night, after all. You want to make a good first impression. You’re wearing a dress that hugs all the right places. You hear the knock on the door, “he’s right on time,” you think to yourself as you open the door and…
You can’t help but die just a little bit deep down. He’s wearing what looks like old sweatpants; there’s definitely a hole in them. His shirt has what looks like a coffee stain. And to top it off, he either hasn’t showered, or he’s put an incredible amount of gel in his hair.
My point is, a first impression is incredibly important, and you should put effort into your appearance. Clean up nice, take a shower, put on fresh clothes. And if you’re planning on having a casual evening, make that known.
A lot of my friends have started meeting up for coffee on a first date than dinner; they say it’s a safer option as opposed to sitting with someone you might potentially not like for a full meal. It’s a great option, but even if you are meeting up for just coffee — make an effort.
…
Coming on too strong.
What’s the definition of a first date?
Wikipedia says: A first date is the initial meeting during the dating process of two individuals, in which an effort is made to ask about each other.
So essentially, it’s a way to get to know someone. There have been multiple occasions that I’ve heard of bad first dates going wrong because their date would come on way too strong. Something about how they expect physical activity right away: a friend mentioned her date tried to feel her up on the first date.
I mean — that’s just not okay. Obviously, if you’re interested, make it known, but don’t turn into a creep who expects things on a first date that shouldn’t even be within your thought vicinity.
…
Being rude to servers.
Wherever you choose to have your date, the worst thing you can do is act like a jerk to the servers/baristas/staff, etc. Not only does it make the atmosphere beyond awkward and uncomfortable, but it shows how little respect you have for people.
This is a personal pet peeve of mine as I used to be a server. I don’t think you should be rude to anybody on a first date or any date after that if we’re honest.
I once went out for dinner with a guy who came from a wealthy family. He dismissed the server on multiple occasions, made zero eye contact, and tipped a dollar or two. I don’t know about you, but that’s extremely unattractive to me.
…
Being on your phone.
What’s the point of being on a date if you’re going to be on your phone the entire time?
Are you actually paying attention to me, or do you have somewhere else to be?
It’s true; nowadays, everyone is addicted to their phones and is constantly scrolling through their newsfeed. Even when they’re on the toilet. However, making your phone a third wheel on your first date is beyond disrespectful and annoying.
A few months ago, I went on a double date with my boyfriend, best friend, and her new boyfriend. He not only spent half the date texting, but he picked up a phone call during the main course and had a full-on conversation with his buddy.
There was no apology; in fact, he didn’t think he did anything wrong.
…
Bonus: Who pays for the first date?
The question of who pays for the first date has been a hot topic for debate for quite some time. Some etiquette experts say that when a man and a woman meet for a first date, the man should pay. Others say that it’s the 21st century, and women are perfectly capable of covering the bill.
According to a study, 300,000 American singles were surveyed and asked who should pay on a first date.
“The random, anonymized answers revealed something very interesting: when it comes to first dates, the man should pay. That is, according to men. Women? They’re not so sure.
63% think that the man should take care of the check on a first date. Women don’t agree. Less than half of the women in the study (46%) think that paying for the date is the guy’s responsibility.
2% of men want women to pay when they’re on a first date. However, women themselves are more likely to want to pick up the tab, with 5% saying they’re the ones who should pay for a date.”
I was pretty surprised reading these results. Call me old-fashioned, but if I’m being asked out on a date by a gentleman, I’d expect him to pay for that first date.
…
If you enjoyed this, subscribe to my newsletter to stay in touch.
—
This post was previously published on medium.com.
***
You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism | Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box | The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
—
Photo credit: iStockPhoto.com