Falling in love with a narcissist can be damaging for anyone, but especially for a codependent. While most people recognize unhealthy relationships and move on, codependents often stay in bad situations long after they should.
Codependents often get in relationships or friendships with a narcissist. They are the giver in the relationship, and the narcissist is the taker.
According to an article in Psychology Today, called “Escaping the Codependent-Narcissistic Trap”, the codependent cares about the narcissist’s feelings and problems more than their own. They’ll neglect themselves because of the narcissist.
Once the codependent realizes they’re never having their needs met, they’ll back off. Then the narcissist will quickly lose interest because the codependent isn’t bending over backward to please them anymore.
If you’re codependent and have been involved with a narcissist, one day you’ll wake up. You’ll regret that you wasted months and years of your life in a toxic situation that was going nowhere.
You’ll suddenly realize that you’ve sold your soul to the narcissist.
Here are 5 ways you’ve sold your soul to the narcissist:
You’ve given up your own life to focus on them
Many of us have that friend that started dating someone, and then you never saw them again.
They took up their partner’s interests and started hanging around with their partner’s friends. Suddenly, their own friends ceased to exist for them anymore.
If you find yourself giving up your favorite things because your partner doesn’t like them, or stop having your own opinions, you’re in danger of losing your soul to a narcissist. Another bad sign is if you stop interacting with your friends and family.
In a healthy relationship, you both keep your individual interests and support each other in them. You don’t give up your passions and opinions. You don’t give up your friends and family. Your partner adds to your life, instead of detracting from it.
You’ve let them treat you badly and keep going back
Your partner criticizes you constantly. You never feel good enough for them. They abuse and rage at you until you acquiesce to their demands.
Sometimes it will get so bad it becomes intolerable. You’ll leave the narcissist. You’re starting to get strong again, and then the text comes. They’ve been thinking about you. You’ll go back, like an alcoholic returning to his favorite drink.
My partner hated when I was happy. I’d wake up in a great mood. He’d then start criticizing me and picking on me about everything. After I was beaten down verbally, I’d notice him smiling. He’d won. Yet, I stayed with him, way too long.
You’ve spent hours crying over them when you could have been happy
I never cried so much in my life, as when I was with a narcissist.
They’re so kind and fascinating in the beginning. They love bomb you. They demand all your attention. You feel amazing, thinking how much they need you. You start to feel that you are irreplaceable to them. But that’s a huge mistake.
Soon you realize they are getting texts night and day from people. You start to get suspicious. Then one horrible day you find out that their ex is back in their life. They stop returning your calls. You’re heartbroken.
After a while, after you’ve cried a thousand tears, you’ll hear from them. They’re thinking of you. You go back, just to have to hear them read you a love letter they wrote their ex because they’re still not over them. And even worse — they’ll ask you for your advice.
Yet they need you with them too. They give you enough love to think you might have a chance with them. It’s a twisted, terrible situation. After a while, you’ll wish you never met them.
You’ve neglected the people who love you
While you’re involved with the narcissist, you don’t see other people. You don’t see the caring person in front of you that thinks of you all the time. You’re too busy staring with love-struck eyes at the rejecting narcissist.
The only time you talk to your friends anymore is to tell them about all the misery you’re going through. Your friends and family start feeling neglected. They grow tired of being your personal therapist.
You think the only person worth focusing on is the narcissist. You are addicted to them like a drug. It’s become a huge problem in your life.
The narcissist has become your entire world. Yet to them, you’re just an option. That’s all you’ve never been. Because only one source of narcissistic supply is never enough for them. They always need more.
You’ve sold your soul to the narcissist.
You’ve wasted years of your life
Years go by, and you’re still in this miserable relationship. You’ve ignored your family, children, and friends because of this person who couldn’t care less about you.
Meanwhile, your friends moved on, met mutually loving people, and now have fulfilling lives. You’re stuck, on this unending Ferris wheel of ups and downs. And you can’t seem to get off.
Your wake up call
On that day you wake up and realize that you’ve sold your soul to the narcissist, there is only one thing to do. It’s called no contact. No contact means to go completely silent. Don’t return their calls or messages. Cut out all communication and stop looking at their social media pages. Stop going to the places they frequent.
The narcissist was like a drug to you. You need to stop it immediately. You know you were powerless with them, and you need to regain your personal power.
Staying in contact with a narcissist will only bring you pain. And the only way to escape it and get your soul back is to go no contact.
Falling in love with a narcissist is the most painful relationship you’ll ever live through. Yet you can do it. Regain your power and self-respect and leave. Empower yourself and save your soul.
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This post was previously published on Hello, Love.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
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